AIBU to feel awkward about only my husband being invited to the wedding?

[Thewitchofwestminster]

I don't know to feel about it.

Both myself and my husband work in an office with 'Jane'. I have always thought we got on well together and we have become friends outside of the workplace, socialising together.

Jane is getting married in a few weeks and has invited my husband to her wedding but not myself. Husband was given an invitation with his name only on and when he queried he was told it was only for him.

If she had come to me and said it was because of costs or if she invited me she would have had to plus one others I would have understood but it is all just a bit weird!

My husband is attending and that is fair enough but it has left me feeling so awkward.

Would you invite just one spouse to a wedding?

That is incredibly rude of her.

And rude of your husband to accept to given the huge insult to his wife.

That's exceptionally weird and rude.

It's equally weird and rude that your dh is planning to go! Doesn't he care about your feelings?

If it’s a small team then if she invites you she may feel she has to invite others too.

She has her reasons. Cost per head can be very expensive these days, she may just want people she gets on with really well.

If she had come to me and said it was because of costs or if she invited me she would have had to plus one others I would have understood but it is all just a bit weird!

I think this is a bit entitled. It’s disappointing and I wouldn’t have done this but she doesn’t have to explain her reasoning to you.

I’m honestly quite chilled about these things and even I’m finding this utterly bizarre and rude. And - again unlike me - I’d be pretty pissed off if my husband decided to go in this scenario. Like wtf. This woman is blatantly shit stirring.

This is ridiculous, people don’t end marriages over such a petty thing.

Definitely rude not to invite you and im afraid I think it is really poor judgement your husband is going. Whole situation is weird

I agree. It just seems weirdly rude. And you clearly cant think of a sensible reason why you were left out. I dont know why your DH accepted. You could easily have just sent a gift and card from both of you. And I doubt you'll be socialising much in the future.

This. In spades!

Sorry to be blunt but..She doesn’t like you. She only likes your DH and puts up with you being there so she can socialise with him.

OP - Have you thought about what you might do on the weekend of the wedding? Ensure you book a nice spa weekend for yourself and maybe a friend (using your husband’s £££ if possible). Be elusive to DH about what you are planning, and enjoy a stress -free weekend without thinking about what to wear or who to please. Be cool towards Jane and don’t get caught up in any discussions about the wedding at work, just aim to show a complete lack of interest. Ensure your DH buys the wedding present and don’t sign the card - match her energy. Good luck.

I donr see an issue i would just do something I wanted myself

Have you/dh worked with Jane longer than you’ve been together?
It’s a silly suggestion and I’m probably waay off but I wonder if she’s had a crush on him and resents you because he of that.

Although the most more likely of them obvious answer is that she just doesn’t really like you or she’s completely socially inept and hasn’t realised she committed a massive faux pas

This is mind bogglingly rude of both Jane and your dh. It is ok to invite work colleagues without +1s (this is the only scenario this is ok in my book), but but but you’re both work colleagues!! Inviting one half of a married couple when you work with both is nuts?? It’s so rude! My dh would never go, he’d say I go to weddings with my wife, so unfortunately can’t make this one. I’d be done socialising with Jane, that’s for sure. I wouldn’t be contributing to a gift either- make sure it doesn’t come from joint funds. Joint funds are not used for parties you’ve been deliberately not invited to.

I would feel strange that my husband is going when I wasn't invited and have socialised with the person. The whole thing is weird.

She obviously doesn't particularly like you and the bride is being incredibly rude. Your DH is not taking your feelings into account at all. What on earth do you think future socialising will look like? She's taken a big step back from your supposed 'friendship' and told you in no uncertain terms, what she thinks of you.

It is odd and rude, especially since you socialise together. The message is clearly that Jane sees your DH as her friend, you are a tag along. I'd step aside from that and not socialise with her as a couple going forward. If your DH goes, do something you'll enjoy yourself that weekend.

I don't really know how to vote, as yes, I think it is fine to invite one half of a couple to a wedding, if, for example, the bride or groom are inviting their team from work to come together, but without partners (ditto a sports team or hobby group etc where you don't know or socialise with the spouse but have a good friendship with the person you know).
However
Your situation isn't like that, because you both work together. That then makes it really weird and unreasonable. If you work in a team with two halves of a couple, you can't then invite one but not the other. That's just bizarre. What is equally odd is that your dh doesn't think it is odd.

She’s not your Friend, she’s rude, and your Husband is being an insensitive Dickhead.

How very odd. I’d be annoyed he was going tbh.

Op has your dh read these replies?

In those circumstances, I would expect DH to refuse. Different if it’s someone he knows and you don’t.

I think PP is right in that the invitation was probably originally going to be just boss and OP's husband. Jane might well have thought it would look bad if she was to invite OP without also then inviting the colleague she's friendly with - this then has a knock on effect as the friendly colleague would probably assume that her husband/partner is invited as OP & husband are going and boss has assumed an invitation for their spouse. So then it becomes awkward for Jane having say no plus one for nice colleague, and also no invitation for the two colleagues she doesn't like with and the subsequent possible bad feeling there.

What was originally meant to be two invitations goes spiralling and could end up being ten instead (OP & H; boss & spouse; nice colleague + 1; disliked colleague A + 1; disliked colleague B +1).

It's likely that it's been the boss who's thrown a spanner in the works by inviting their spouse.

Regardless, it is still crazy rude to invite one of two married people to your wedding when you work with both of them.

This or Jane hasn't got any social skills or Jane is extremely rude

Your DH is being disloyal to you & obviously you aren't me, but if your DH was my DH then I'd have his suitcase packed & tell him to go to his Mum's or I'd leave.
This is just going to cause resentment going forward & resentment festers & can completely wreck a marriage.

You need to both sit down to discuss this & come to an agreement.

And before anyone says I'm being ridiculous it's often the littlest thing that kickstarts the resentment & it grows & 5 - 10 yrs or more down the line the marriage implodes because of a little thing or even a big thing that happened many years ago.

Disloyal by going to a wedding?