AIBU to feel awkward about only my husband being invited to the wedding?

[Thewitchofwestminster]

I don't know to feel about it.

Both myself and my husband work in an office with 'Jane'. I have always thought we got on well together and we have become friends outside of the workplace, socialising together.

Jane is getting married in a few weeks and has invited my husband to her wedding but not myself. Husband was given an invitation with his name only on and when he queried he was told it was only for him.

If she had come to me and said it was because of costs or if she invited me she would have had to plus one others I would have understood but it is all just a bit weird!

My husband is attending and that is fair enough but it has left me feeling so awkward.

Would you invite just one spouse to a wedding?

I think it’s a decline in traditional etiquette standards. The bride and groom don’t really care about the experience of the guests let’s face it. They don’t care if anyone else is having a good time. They care about not paying for a dinner for someone they don’t love / like. ( who they would probably only have to talk to for 2 minutes max on the day itself. ). I hate going to weddings where I only know the bride or groom so the thought of not even taking my DH would probably tip me into declining the invitation altogether. It’s different if it’s a family wedding or the whole team from work is going. I think it’s a bullet dodged probably

yes it’s weird and your husband should decline.

When I see things like this I think we need to bring back "finishing schools" for both genders and have teenagers learn how to not be incredibly rude. There'd need to be a whole module on wedding planning.

Don't plan a 4 day Hen in an expensive luxury resort, expect your place to be fully covered and sulk when people can't afford it.

Don't send out mandates on outfit choices, colour schemes and expected gifts to your guests.
Don't have 8 bridesmaids and then say you can't afford to pay for their dresses/ hair/ make-up (but they need to pay to have it done to your specification!)
Don't have any bridesmaids if you're going to dictate their hair colour/length or weight.

Don't decide on a childfree wedding and then be shocked when people with small children don't come.
Don't think it's cute and fun to make your guests trek up a mountain or through a river so you can get your amazing instagram photo, but someone needs to move Great Aunt June out of the shot because having a heart attack isn't part of your aesthetic.
Don't make weird distinctions between "bio" children and "step" children.
Definitely don't invite half of a married couple.

Just following these rules for a start would massively reduce the number of Mumsnet posts on weddings and the number of married couples who can't understand why they have hardly any friends after the wedding.

Wow that's so weird. I understand not offering plus 1s to colleagues as the numbers can add up, but with you working there as well that is so odd

My husband would never have accepted a wedding invitation where I wasn’t also invited, especially for a mutual friend who socialises with us both. He would not accept the disrespect to me, his wife. And neither would I if the situation was reversed. It is extremely weird that your colleague has only invited your husband when she works and socialises with the both of you, not to mention rude. I am not surprised you’re miffed about it.

Bizarre behaviour.

My husband would be declining the invitation.

YANBU I was deeply upset when my husband was invited to two of his offices weddings and I wasn’t. ( I knew the people getting married too. )
I think that it is really rude of anyone just to invite one spouse to a wedding.

I find it strange, especially as you know her. My husband has been invited to a colleagues wedding and I've been invited, but not the children as it's child free, which is fair enough. I've never met his colleague, but I've been invited, so I do find 'Jane's' invite slightly odd.

I think your husband is been invited to entertain your boss. Are they friends?

How can your dh go, does he not feel bad for you? Under these particular circumstances I would have declined the invite.

We were in a similar situation a few years ago. The wedding was in Ireland and my husband politely turned the invite down as he didn’t think it was fair that he would be away and I’d be stuck at home with our daughter.

Exactly!

Come and celebrate us becoming a married
couple - then only inviting half of a couple you have out with. She is spectacularly rude but the DH should have declined. He isn’t arsed OP has been snubbed

She doesn't like you. I'm astonished DH thinks it's ok to go and leave you at home 🤯 she is being incredibly rude and id be thinking my "friendship" outside of the office.

I would get him to drop out. It's not ok that he accepted.

I'd be a bit sad/put out but ultimately it's Jane's wedding, she chooses who she invites and why she has invited them. She clearly feels closer to DH than to you, or sees him as the primary friend out of the two of you. Nobody else in the team is invited, so she clearly views him as a close friend vs everyone else, including you. People can invite who they want, I wouldn't stress about it and I wouldn't mind dh attending - its just a "now I know where we stand" type of situation, she doesn't view you as a close friend but does see him as one. It is what it is really. You can't be angry with her about it and you don't want a pity invite because you're sad about it...

Or Jame has someone also coming alone and is trying to set them up with DH.
Now you know this woman isn't your friend OP.

This is incredibly rude and what’s worse is that your husband has accepted? I would be way more concerned by the fact he doesn’t ‘have your back’ in the situation. It’s completely okay to say to your partner I feel slighted by this woman, your commitment is to me not them, don’t go to the wedding. Don’t allow any nonsense about not being able to back out now- a wedding party can always find a replacement guest.

There’s so many ‘pick me girls’ who pretend like they’re so cool letting their partners do whatever they want but it’s just a mask for low self-esteem. A genuinely confident person does not feel the slightest shame in reminding their partner you’re both a team who back each other up and expect to be backed up in return.

I would never be comfortable hanging out with someone who hates my partner to the degree they would exclude them. Most real friends would include the partner for their friend’s benefit anyway- especially when you all work together.

I hate to say this, but it seems like she likes your husband more than friends and your husband likes her more than friends, because otherwise it makes no sense why she would invite him and not you and he would go on to meekly accept this.

The resentment is just going to grow about this, you may as well put a stop to it now. And I’d ask what on earth possessed him to say yes and not to stick up for you?

Agree with this!
Lived this. Wants to look like a wonderful superstar to others who he hardly knows but to us doesn't care. It is really depressing.
Ick is the right phrase too. I mean how sad to have to live your life caring about people who have no real impact on your life while the people close to you get nothing. Just look at him as a sad individual now.

Reiterating what’s already been said, but yes it’s weird and no your husband shouldn’t be going! If you didn’t work there and had never met her then fair enough, but that’s not the situation. She’s deliberately chosen to exclude you and it’s incredibly rude! I’d be more than miffed if my husband accepted an invite in these circumstances, I’d be furious. And as for Jane, I’d maintain a professional relationship but nothing more. What a horrid person she is.

weddings are boring anyway...enjoy some me time, a relaxing bath, slushy movie and pop open some prosecco to toast the happy couple...enjoy

However, you could have a nice quiet time doing what you want to do while your DH attends.

I think that is entirely missing the point.

I'm sure OP can enjoy quiet time on her own without her husband being invited to a mutual colleague's wedding. Nothing in her post suggests she can't.

The point is, a mutual colleague they both get on with has invited only OP's husband to her wedding. That is unreasonable.

Your husband should decline the invitation, as it doesn't seem right that he goes on his own if you both work there

If you both didn't work together with Jane, I wouldn't find it odd that only one of a married couple were invited. I have been invited to weddings of co-workers but not my husband as he doesn't know them (only evening tbf) but seeing that you both work together, it's really very odd. If I were your husband I wouldn't go

Even if you didn’t work with Jane too, she still should have invited both of you. Rude not to.

Yes, because he is not backing up his wife who has been shunned.