why is it hard to like other people’s boy children

[Halfmunch]

I am a mother to girls, and have no brothers and I admit I don’t have much experience of raising or being around boys. The boys in my life I can find them overwhelming, frustrating and to be honest, self centred and lazy.

However, I am wondering if this is related to how people parent the boys, and a patriarchal society rather than the boys - as in it’s not their fault, they were not born this way. Is this something other parents have noticed, like Little Prince Syndrome?

My husband has a 12yo son and even after 5 years I struggle to bond with him. I have 2 x 9yo nephews and I also struggle with them. All 3 kids have different parents.

The boys are all overbearing in conversations - yell and talk over everyone else and already at their age ?!? mansplain and refuse to accept explanations or answers, challenging everything, ie. They all seem to ‘know better’ when a female answers a question and all have very singular topics they are only interested in, not interested in other people really. Step son is obsessed with football, so everything you do has to centre around that, and if it doesn’t, he’s completely disinterested in anything else and just mopes about.

I notice the boys all seem to opt out of clearing up, after a meal finished they will return to either talking about their chosen topic without noticing everyone else is clearing up, or go do their own activity, and have to be asked/reminded to do even minor tasks such as take a plate to the kitchen. I often watch them at family parties and while everyone else is pitching in, they have wandered off kicking a ball around quietly and when asked to help ‘oh I didn’t realise…’ however if it’s something slightly dangerous, they will barge in and get in your way even if you don’t want them to help they feel entitled to ‘help’ like SS demanding to be allowed to ‘light the BBQ’ unsupervised

They are nice boys, but I often read posts on here about people’s useless husbands, and think hmm well, there seems to be an awful lot of these males around… and it probably starts young!

My DH often feels frustrated as he’s very much an equal partner with a female, and believes in equality. He feel like he’s always nagging his son to try to get him to learn about life but many females seem to enable this! DH’s mum acts like SS is made of china, and my mum is the same with my nephew.

Is there a way we can tackle this as society?

You’d find my boys absolutely delightful OP. You should change your title to “why is it hard FOR ME to like the very few boys I know”

Perfect response 👏

You sound very biased OP. I think if you had boys yourself you’d feel very differently.

Maybe you are a wimpy people pleaser and the boys sense that.
Maybe you need to develop a bit of authority

I do get what you mean. I have a good friend of a boy child and she treats him like the second coming. The girl children have to bend around him to avoid him becoming upset or feeling left out. It’s teaching boys early on that they’re the priority

I think you have a issue maybe ? I have girls myself and nephews and a sort son too and have no issues bonding with them . Get help

Nailed it

My son’s male friends all are delightful, and I noticed during their teenage years how much more chatty and appreciative they were compared to his female friends.

This is not a generalisation though, it depends entirely on the personality of the individual and how they have been raised.

I also loathe these unfair boy bashing threads.

Sounds like you are a bitter “girls mum” utterly obsessed with your daughters and don’t give the time of day to anyone or anything else. Such unlikeable behaviour

Yup, OP does seem to be the common denominator here.

What the hell are we meant to 'tackle as a society'?

Weird girl mums?

The hell did I just read.

The tone of all of these replies does really give weight to op’s point tbh. Instead of reflecting on how some boys are brought up to become the shit men many of us know, there’s no debate or conversation here, just a refusal to believe that your sweet prince might just not be quite that.

I agree there a likeable and non likeable kids across both sexes. But it’s always the boys who turn into the men that cause so many of the problems for women. If you have a boy child you need to be cognisant of that. Not blind to it

I bet your kids are an absolute nightmare 😂😂

No, I definitely don't have issues bonding with boys. I have 3 sons and love having their friends round, so polite and respectful. All they want is food, drinks, football and games!. Love those kids xx

Patriarchal sexism. That not being clear is the problem

As an elderly male I think the OP's observations about how we bring up boys are not only obviously valid but pretty well known.

The only question left is whether we should be pleased or otherwise about how we perpetuate a patriarchal society.

Is that you Herod?

😂😂

I don't believe in the 'patriarch' and I hate the word, how it's used and all it stands for. No alliance here, with that one, I'm afraid.

I don't know about the males in your life, op, but my brother and son are perfectly well-rounded, polite, and absolutely respect females. As do the male friends I choose to have.

Maybe find different people to hang out with. Please don't tar all males with the same brush.

Raising boys is hard, I have one of each and I'm on my own with them so I feel I have to work extra hard to parent my boy well. If I ask both my kids to do something to help, I may have to repeat myself once or twice before the girl does it, but I usually have to repeat myself 10+ times and include consequences, threats, and emotional blackmail/education on the oppression of women and gender inequality before the boy does it! So of course a lot of parents give up and allow them to do as they please.

Is there a particular reason you didn't enable voting? Because the results wouldn't back up your view perhaps?

I don't find boy children hard to like at all. I have children and grandchildren of both sexes. They are all wonderful. The boys are not lazy, unhelpful or boring. If anything they are usually more likely to suggest helping clear the dishes etc than the girls! And both my son and son in law cook and do housework.

Eh? You can’t just not believe in something that exists….well you can but then you’re in the zone of flat earthers or something

I can do what I like, as I like, as can you. I could give you reasons about why I think your opinion is low IQ i.e. compare to flat earthers or we can agree to disagree like amicable adults. I'm into sisterhood not victimhood.