why is it hard to like other people’s boy children

[Halfmunch]

I am a mother to girls, and have no brothers and I admit I don’t have much experience of raising or being around boys. The boys in my life I can find them overwhelming, frustrating and to be honest, self centred and lazy.

However, I am wondering if this is related to how people parent the boys, and a patriarchal society rather than the boys - as in it’s not their fault, they were not born this way. Is this something other parents have noticed, like Little Prince Syndrome?

My husband has a 12yo son and even after 5 years I struggle to bond with him. I have 2 x 9yo nephews and I also struggle with them. All 3 kids have different parents.

The boys are all overbearing in conversations - yell and talk over everyone else and already at their age ?!? mansplain and refuse to accept explanations or answers, challenging everything, ie. They all seem to ‘know better’ when a female answers a question and all have very singular topics they are only interested in, not interested in other people really. Step son is obsessed with football, so everything you do has to centre around that, and if it doesn’t, he’s completely disinterested in anything else and just mopes about.

I notice the boys all seem to opt out of clearing up, after a meal finished they will return to either talking about their chosen topic without noticing everyone else is clearing up, or go do their own activity, and have to be asked/reminded to do even minor tasks such as take a plate to the kitchen. I often watch them at family parties and while everyone else is pitching in, they have wandered off kicking a ball around quietly and when asked to help ‘oh I didn’t realise…’ however if it’s something slightly dangerous, they will barge in and get in your way even if you don’t want them to help they feel entitled to ‘help’ like SS demanding to be allowed to ‘light the BBQ’ unsupervised

They are nice boys, but I often read posts on here about people’s useless husbands, and think hmm well, there seems to be an awful lot of these males around… and it probably starts young!

My DH often feels frustrated as he’s very much an equal partner with a female, and believes in equality. He feel like he’s always nagging his son to try to get him to learn about life but many females seem to enable this! DH’s mum acts like SS is made of china, and my mum is the same with my nephew.

Is there a way we can tackle this as society?

Been there, I have four kids both sexes and yes I remember the stroppy teenage girls with some horror. Good luck, it doesn't last forever and I'm sure we'll get told it is just you and me. The boys muddy sports kits and untidyness hasn't left the same mark.

Men are not the enemy. Bad men are. And bad men start as boys. More parents need to recognise that and take steps to address it. It’s impossible to deny that we have an issue with bad men in society.

Imagine if someone came on here & said this about girls. I have known plenty of extremely annoying girls.

Just about sums it up!

I’m raising two boys. I do have an older brother so I’m used to boys, so to speak. At a younger age their behaviour can seem a tad feral. Although both under three, they have endless amounts of energy and aren’t as content to sit there and play tea parties like my friends with girls do. They want to be out exploring and running everywhere like they’re late for work.

If you have zero experience of boys, I can understand why you feel like they’re a bit much. I often get to the end of the day like “what the hell was that!” 😂

It’s a bit wild to say they’re hard to like! Massive sweeping statement to say they’re being raised with little prince syndrome too! Yes my boys are high energy, but they’re also kind, sensitive and being raised to not be rude and entitled little shits either.

It’s a parenting flaw, regardless of gender if kids are raised to be brats. Some kids girls or boys just aren’t likeable. Nothing to do with gender.

Maybe. But is there a plague of bad women in society harming men? No.

Someone I know calls their boy a ‘wildling’ when really it should be ‘little shit.’

They are brutal!!! Until they want something of course then the charm comes on like a switch!

I've got an 11 year old daughter at primary school and while the school system itself is difficult at times, it's boys that make the hardest days so hard. And the school enables it. I've posted on here before about how she was used as a buffer between 'difficult' boys to the detriment of her own wellbeing and work and that's just one example. She has got no time for boys. There was one little boy in her friend group until this year, he had been to our house for dinner multiple times after school and they would hang out at the park, and now she said he's started swearing at the teachers and she just can't be bothered with him. They say little girls are full of drama but it's clear she'll take that any day over the disruptive children, who are, to a man as they say, boys.

'Boy mum' culture is minging and schools failing to deal with disruptive behaviour from them is just the groundwork for what comes later from men.

This is a You problem.

Have you tried therapy?

Yes, of course, but the PP was saying the reason was their sex, rather than their personality, on a thread that was created to slate boys, so I was merely pointing out that girls can be like that too.

My boys weren’t hyper or feral. Very civilised they were, and they are now civilised adults. There are some horrors, but parenting of boys (and girls) needs to be done intelligently. Unfortunately there are a lot of clueless parents in the world who raise clueless kids.

I already wrote my OP, so if anything is confusing you please read again. I feel like it’s not helpful for me to go back and correct everyone who either didn’t read it or just re-interpreted it into completely different words also assuming I think girls are perfect, which I didn’t allude to and don’t think. I try to raise girls not to tolerate this behaviour from men in their life but that’s sad really isn’t it? I have to raise girls to recognise and stand up for their worth and not tolerate man who might be useless and lazy.

Yes you know what, whether you think it sounds unbelievable, my 12yo SS spent yesterday mansplaining to me how to light a BBQ even though he is 12, and I’m in my 40’s. He wanted to do it, and I said it wasn’t safe, and he decided he knew better than me a wouldn’t take no for an answer and my DH had to step in.

The main reason we don’t ‘bond’ is because it can feel like he doesn’t respect women. He has a sister and he treats her in ways I don’t always like too. He sat on her with his full weight and hurt her for sitting in a chair he wanted to sit in. After dinner last night, where he continued to dominate the whole conversation about football, he put his shoes on and went into the garden to play football whilst DSD, DH and I helped clear up the table. He got told off by DH obviously. DH and I spoke about how we need to make sure he does pull his weight and grow into a functional man who isn’t entitled but sometimes I am shocked as even his smaller sister calls him out and he’s just oblivious to it? And my nephew is similar. And our mums would just laugh and saw ‘aww bless them!’ And think it was cute.

Again, I reiterate its parenting. If you are self aware and doing a great job of raising your boys not to be this way then obviously that’s great but I don’t think everyone else is doing this and we should talk about it. Surely I am going to be doing my step son and his future life a favour to be teaching him that he needs to pull his weight and not rely on women to do all the clearing up for him.

Sometimes it’s easier to see from the outside. I really want nothing more than for these boys to grow into lovely young respectful men. However I think society can be up against a lot of issues and it’s quite hard

All of the above, society in general lets boys and men off with far worse behaviour than girls and women. Therefore it is my job as his mum to make sure he grows up to be the kind of man the world needs, and that isn't by excusing his sex-based behaviours as personality.

I stuck to one too after the birth of my boy. I couldn’t risk having to give birth to a girl if it was anything like you. No amount of schooling or parenting could overcome having to raise that.

But does she expect the girl to do much more?

My mum would tell you all day long that boys were no trouble and girls were troublesome, but that’s because she did everything for the boys but expected her girls to do much more.

It's nice to see boys being defended for once. They can't help not being girls! Quite a while ago on here someone said that my then 11 year old DS was essentially a rapist in waiting now and should be considered a risk to women. Not because of anything he'd done, just for being male and no longer little. It was horrible. I think that thread ended up being pulled because it got out of hand. While I understand statistics etc, children and indeed adults vary and should be treated as individuals.

Presumably the unfortunate that fathered your first child didn't get to express an opinion on having another child, although I guess he is no longer in your life as you hate males?

Another boring mn misandry thread, yawn

How did you know you would one day be talking to @dovess on a chat forum in 2026? That is some Mystic Meg type stuff.

I hear girls called spirited, when it should be little madam! 🤷‍♀️

Why would he have a say in whether she has another child? If a woman doesn’t want another child, it’s her decision, end of.

Mine are young adults and when they were growing up I met nice and nasty kids of both sexes. When you met the parents it was usually easy to see why they were as they were.

How did you avoid having one as a first child?