why is it hard to like other people’s boy children

[Halfmunch]

I am a mother to girls, and have no brothers and I admit I don’t have much experience of raising or being around boys. The boys in my life I can find them overwhelming, frustrating and to be honest, self centred and lazy.

However, I am wondering if this is related to how people parent the boys, and a patriarchal society rather than the boys - as in it’s not their fault, they were not born this way. Is this something other parents have noticed, like Little Prince Syndrome?

My husband has a 12yo son and even after 5 years I struggle to bond with him. I have 2 x 9yo nephews and I also struggle with them. All 3 kids have different parents.

The boys are all overbearing in conversations - yell and talk over everyone else and already at their age ?!? mansplain and refuse to accept explanations or answers, challenging everything, ie. They all seem to ‘know better’ when a female answers a question and all have very singular topics they are only interested in, not interested in other people really. Step son is obsessed with football, so everything you do has to centre around that, and if it doesn’t, he’s completely disinterested in anything else and just mopes about.

I notice the boys all seem to opt out of clearing up, after a meal finished they will return to either talking about their chosen topic without noticing everyone else is clearing up, or go do their own activity, and have to be asked/reminded to do even minor tasks such as take a plate to the kitchen. I often watch them at family parties and while everyone else is pitching in, they have wandered off kicking a ball around quietly and when asked to help ‘oh I didn’t realise…’ however if it’s something slightly dangerous, they will barge in and get in your way even if you don’t want them to help they feel entitled to ‘help’ like SS demanding to be allowed to ‘light the BBQ’ unsupervised

They are nice boys, but I often read posts on here about people’s useless husbands, and think hmm well, there seems to be an awful lot of these males around… and it probably starts young!

My DH often feels frustrated as he’s very much an equal partner with a female, and believes in equality. He feel like he’s always nagging his son to try to get him to learn about life but many females seem to enable this! DH’s mum acts like SS is made of china, and my mum is the same with my nephew.

Is there a way we can tackle this as society?

Misandryst.

I have a 15 yr old son, and had a lot of contact with his friends in primary school. They were all very different personalities to be honest.
Currently I volunteer with primary age boys and girls. Again, they are all very different. Some boys and girls are a joy - some not so much!

Catch yourself on

Dont be ridiculous, coming online with a goady post citing an encycolepaedic knowledge of exactly three children, to make sweeping statements. Intellectually lazy and now getting pious and defensive citing the patriarchy instead of recignising how extremely lightweight and silly your position is - at least the way you have framed it in your posts on this thread,

It sounds like you just don't like THESE particular boys very much.

If you haven't managed to bond with SS after 5 years, I suspect he's long since picked up on your dislike, and I'd imagine the feelings are mutual by this point.

In my experience as a primary school teacher, I'd actually say that boys are the easier and more naturally likeable sex. Especially in the 9-11 demographic, but all the way through really. I think there's some truth in the saying that boys are simple creatures compared to girls, who I personally find to be much more complex and difficult.

Well my 12 year old boy cleans his room,
clears the table, actively asks to help and isn’t overbearing. I personally think he’s one of the most tremendous people I know

All this post did was make me feel desperately sad for your stepson. Poor kid. A step mum who dislikes him and a father who married, and stays married, to a woman who dislikes his child.

🤣🤣🤣🤣⚽⚾🥎🏀🏐

I am a teacher and see approx 100 boys daily. They are a mix of funny, kind, friendly and annoying. Just like the girls. If the boys in the home environment are being boorish and annoying then call it out. Also, reflect on the possibility that you’re raising meek girls so the contrast is jarring….

I know a lot of girls who are similar to how you describe these boys. However I will say that I know more girls who have been taught to be compliant, fit in, behave nicely, make themselves smaller and quieter than I know boys who've been taught that.

I can’t comment on the boys in your life, I have a few in mine and they’re mostly pretty sweet nice kids. I will say that I know a lot of adult women in relationships with men who have turned out to be pretty toxic partners (I’d say half of them, other half wonderful so it’s defo not all men) and I do wonder at what point the learned narcissism begins. It probably didn’t start at 40 or 30 or 20, I’d assume there’s something in the way that half of society parents boys. It probably starts very young so maybe you’re on to something!

I feel this may be a you problem?
I have a great relationship with my nephew, my cousins boy and the 40 odd boys I come into contact with at work each day.

Because you're sexist.

Op you didn’t start a thread about the patriarchy, you’re just trying convert it into that now that you didn’t get the right responses.

Mother of DDs here. FWIW I am in my early sixties and found young pre school boys a bit more delicate and needy than the toddler equivalent in my extended family. From about six to early twenties, I have found them exactly the same tbh! Once past twenty it is my nieces who keep in touch and my nephews rarely make contact.

I think that there is an important question to be raised about how we parent boys and the influences around them including, but not limited to, social media. Partly because of the epidemic of VAWG but also because of the sadly high rates of suicide and mental health issues in young men. There is something that, at a societal level, isn’t working there. Of course, at an individual level, boys are often wonderful (my DS is) but we do have to recognise that there is something badly wrong somewhere.

The Patriarchy. They were a 90s band werenthey?

One way to tackle it would be perhaps to stop blaming women/mothers for how men turn out.

I'm 60% convinced this is a troll post.

I have one of each. My daughter is more of a princess, but both are lovely, polite kids. Raised the same.

Society spoils my daughter more (more compliments, kinder, more pleasant interactions from strangers). Boys tend to be ignored once grown out of the toddler stage.

Agree. I’m a mother to boys and I like them very much, not just love them. All throughout their childhoods my friends, and their teachers, always complimented me on what lovely boys they were. I shall take all the credit as their single mum 😊

Ok I'll bite.
Your OP seemed more about disliking boy's personality, later posts more about falling to do chores. These are two separate issues. The second is about parenting and upbringing but the first is not.
Boys are different to girls in many ways and it does them no good to pretend otherwise. The things you love in your DH and the men in your life that are masculine are often different from the things you love about girls and women.

You are the problem. Not the boys.

Oh, I don't know, I guess it must be because girls are just so great. Especially your girls.

Boy mum here and I typically have a house full of their friends, all of whom are polite, well mannered, kind and considerate.
I much prefer them over girls however much I love my nieces.
Boys are sweet uncomplicated creatures for the most part, food, fresh air and exercise means that they stay that way…
Girls can be complicated and sometimes mean!
I think it’s you that doesn’t like boys because of your preconceived ideas…