why is it hard to like other people’s boy children

[Halfmunch]

I am a mother to girls, and have no brothers and I admit I don’t have much experience of raising or being around boys. The boys in my life I can find them overwhelming, frustrating and to be honest, self centred and lazy.

However, I am wondering if this is related to how people parent the boys, and a patriarchal society rather than the boys - as in it’s not their fault, they were not born this way. Is this something other parents have noticed, like Little Prince Syndrome?

My husband has a 12yo son and even after 5 years I struggle to bond with him. I have 2 x 9yo nephews and I also struggle with them. All 3 kids have different parents.

The boys are all overbearing in conversations - yell and talk over everyone else and already at their age ?!? mansplain and refuse to accept explanations or answers, challenging everything, ie. They all seem to ‘know better’ when a female answers a question and all have very singular topics they are only interested in, not interested in other people really. Step son is obsessed with football, so everything you do has to centre around that, and if it doesn’t, he’s completely disinterested in anything else and just mopes about.

I notice the boys all seem to opt out of clearing up, after a meal finished they will return to either talking about their chosen topic without noticing everyone else is clearing up, or go do their own activity, and have to be asked/reminded to do even minor tasks such as take a plate to the kitchen. I often watch them at family parties and while everyone else is pitching in, they have wandered off kicking a ball around quietly and when asked to help ‘oh I didn’t realise…’ however if it’s something slightly dangerous, they will barge in and get in your way even if you don’t want them to help they feel entitled to ‘help’ like SS demanding to be allowed to ‘light the BBQ’ unsupervised

They are nice boys, but I often read posts on here about people’s useless husbands, and think hmm well, there seems to be an awful lot of these males around… and it probably starts young!

My DH often feels frustrated as he’s very much an equal partner with a female, and believes in equality. He feel like he’s always nagging his son to try to get him to learn about life but many females seem to enable this! DH’s mum acts like SS is made of china, and my mum is the same with my nephew.

Is there a way we can tackle this as society?

No, I don't notice this. All the little boys (and older boys) I know are lovely.

I think there is an issue with some parents treatment of boys being on the indulgent side.

Dont have boys myself but was recently away with some 13 year old boys who were absolutely delightful they had been excellently brought up.

This is a you problem. Not only do you have a negative perception of boys, you have internalised misogyny leading you to blame it on the women.
I've got sons and a daughter, nieces and nephews and have worked with children for years. Boys aren't the horrible thing you paint them to be.

My SS has likely a good chance of maturing but my nephew (brought up by my sister) is truly a little prince and beyond help. I won’t babysit him anymore. His dad is completely hands off and he’s just copying the same so they both have all the females running around after them - I refuse to do this; so I do clash with the expectation that I’m put on this earth to serve men.

Whilst we still have such awful high rates of male violence towards women I am not sure it’s much of a shock that this might be related to parenting and living in a patriarchal society I just don’t think people like to hear it. It’s not like things are getting better for women. Do we not now have incels and red pill?

I made this post after having one of those weekends that’s made me and DH frustrated. I’m mooching onto MN reading about other people’s useless selfish husbands. I think it must be hard to raise boys especially if you don’t have good male role models

pretty much what I was trying to say in a more simple way.

Oh come on. That's not at all what you said 😂

As you can see, OP, any attempts to address why lazy and entitled men become how they are is shot down immediately.

I think boys are very sweet and loving and do listen, but I agree, as they get older and closer to puberty many (many, not all) can become more entitled and many parents do enable this.

In the examples you gave, do the parents call their sons back to help? Or do they just find it easier to just accept that the girls are helping? Because that complacency becomes normal.

I teach 100s of boys. Literally thousands over the years. They're all different. Some are nasty trouble causing idiots, some are delightful, hardworking respectful young people. Everything in-between.

I mostly know boy children and they're all awesome. This sounds like a you problem.

I know 3 boys. I’m not a teacher. I already laid this out in my post: my experience is 3 boys whose parents let them get away with certain behaviours

SS is very sweet and I didn’t say I don’t like the boys, I said I get frustrated as I think it’s the parenting.

A lot of men are lazy and entitled this isn’t new information to anyone

I don't actually think bar stereotyping children there truly is that much different between boys and girls behaviour wise until they understand the expectations of the outside world.

My friends little girls and the little girls I work with are just as loud and rambunctious as my boys.

It sounds like you would have wanted a boy, ended up with girls and now this is how you make yourself feel better about it?

So, you've had a few negative experiences with a handful of boys and have come to the conclusion they are all little shits?

Yeah I just see it that the girls get up to help on autopilot as they get older, and the boys don’t seem to notice. My sister wouldn’t expect my nephew to do half the stuff she expects of the girls

Oh give over

Yes we need to tackle misogynistic behaviour as a society. Stating that you don't like boys is really not the way to go about that. It's the opposite. Seeing the best in boys and encouraging and supporting them to be wonderful men is an excellent way to do it.

The men and boys in my life are amazing. They are all different of course but generally gentle, helpful, straightforward, calm, capable.

My son is an incredibly sweet and fun child, and his group of friends are all absolutely lovely kids. They make me hopeful for the future of men, and therefore women.

My friends who have got a boy and a girl often say the girl is much harder work.

No experience as only have one lovely son.

Have you ever considered if you fail to like ANY boys then maybe you’re the issue OP?

Ask yourself this. Would they really have different parenting if they were girls? Some parents are just shit or baby/pander to their kids too much.

I was going to say the same. I've got a boy and I'm not saying this as their mum but he's regularly commented on how pleasant he is. I love spending time with his little boy friends too. I've met brattish, unsuffereable girls as well!

There seems so much hatred for all men and boys from quite a significant section on mumsnet. You see the ones, sobbing when they find out they're having a boy or a second boy that they'll never have a daughter and "little bestie". I genuinely wonder how many of them manage to procreate in the first place given their views on men.

Your DH was a boy once. And your daughters will probably end up in relationship with men and this may lead to grandchildren in the future. So it may be worth reassessing your views on boys OP.

I laughed at that too. Something Must Be Done.

The exact opposite happens in our house. My son is helpful and shows love through acts of service. My dad is the same.

My daughters are so, so lazy and whine and moan if asked to lift a finger and then don't do anything even when disciplined. It's an ongoing battle.

I’m very glad to hear that I have completely imagined a patriarchal society and it doesn’t exist so there is no need to ever talk about it. Brilliant news. Let’s celebrate 🥳

Some kids of either sex are entitled like their entitled parents.
If a dad is a total twat towards his partner and d his sons are learning that behaviour just as the d are learning that men and boys are 'in charge'.
I have boys and girls and all are respectful of the opposite sex because that is how they were raised to be decent law abiding citizens.