AIBU to feel he should have told me about his cancer earlier?

[Felicidad88]

I have been online dating after 8 years of celibacy following my partner’s death from pancreatic cancer. I met a man within a week and stayed with him for six months, but we weren’t compatible long term, so we split up and I met a new guy a month ago. Things have progressed well, and we slept together on our fourth date last week. A few days later, he told me he had to go to London for a medical appointment-it turns out he has cancer. I cannot possibly go through that again, but it feels awful to say I don’t want to be with him due to his diagnosis. It’s not an aggressive cancer like my partner had, it’s prostrate but it’s still cancer. AIBU to think he should’ve told me before?

You have differing views of intimacy levels. Yours was a line of disclosure pre-sex, his is post sex. This is issue 1. There’ll likely be more disclosures now that he feels you and he are at that stage. The trouble is that you clearly expected you were already at that stage. I fully understand your trauma and not wanting to go there again. But you said yourself it’s not aggressive cancer. Apart from this case: Are you going to end every relationship when there’s a diagnosis? I assume there were happy times in your marriage (condolences). Don’t let your grief wall you in. And I am truly sorry. But yeah OP if you like this guy and decide to continue, now is time for a blunt “tell me everything, what else is there to know” conversation. Some think 4 dates is too early but if it’s “too early” for him to share information, he shouldn’t have got in her knickers. He knew she was a widow and likely her 8 years of celibacy came up. She clearly thought they were serious.

Prostrate? Or prostate even.

It's different to pancreatic cancer but it can still be very deadly. Chris Hoy has said he's been given 2-4 years to live since being diagnosed with stage IV prostate cancer and he's only 50. It all depends on what stage cancer the man OP is seeing has. 12,000 men die of it every year. It's really not to be taken lightly.