Page 10 | AIBU to refuse a council house over stairs and no outside space?

TheHouse · Yesterday 18:23

yard? Do you mean garden?

noctilucentcloud · Yesterday 18:27

Stressedmum6761 · Yesterday 16:35

Hey so I've read through the comments on here and I just want to say thank you for the helpful comments (for the rude and unhelpful ones I'm not going to thank you)

The issue is I cannot baby gate the stairs (or lock her in her room as some people have suggested which is super dangerous) as she would need to use the toilet in the night and if I don't hear her it may be she has an accident either falling down them trying to take herself or wets herself if she doesn't make it in time. Yes a motion sensor or a chemical toilet would be a good suggestion so thank you for those.

For the lovely people who have either told me to get a job, go private or buy my own house...I do work. I work full time. If I was in a position to go private or even buy my own house I wouldn't be on the list in the first place. Even the private ones that have been in my budget I've been turned down for even a viewing straight away or I don't have a homeowner guarantor within their ridiculous goal posts.

I've checked the guidelines for my council and they have said band b can have 2 reasonable refusals. This would be my first (if I do refuse it) and I'm going to view it tomorrow on my lunch break at work. I am going with an open mind but I am going to express my concerns to the housing officer.

To the people who have called me dramatic..this is a life changing decision. Moving from one place to another and having to pour what little money I have into making somewhere a home isn't something ideal..I'm aware all council properties are the same but obviously anyone would be upset if the house wasn't something they were happy with.

The house is in a very rough area and for me to be offered a viewing that far down the list there has to be someone (or a few people) who have also gone to see it and turned it down for some reason or another. Even if I did take it I doubt someone would do a swap with me in a years time because of where it is so I would essentially be stuck there for a very long time. Thinking back to it I think I bidded on it, found out where it was and was supposed to withdraw my bid but must of not done it in time, with me finishing at 47th I didn't think I'd be offered it anyway.

Also to the ableists who said that my daughter having a meltdown would "p*ss off my neighbours" I do not send my daughter outside while this happens..how could you read my post and think that? If a disabled child pisses you off then that is a you issue.

As for the garden an outside space would be amazing and I don't think I'm unreasonable for being disheartened that a house wouldn't have any...I've seen so many 2 bedroomed houses on property pool that have garden space. I completely understand that council housing is in a crisis but still I don't think that means people have to put up with living in a sh*tehole just because they're poor. It's all well and good when most of the people being judgey probably own their own homes and don't have to think about this sort of thing, it's giving ivory tower.

OP the wording you've used is 'two reasonable refusals' - you need to find out what counts as reasonable and what doesn't.

Fiddy1964 · Yesterday 18:47

Why would you have bidded on it in first place if its not suitable?. You can certainly explain to the council that you have safety concerns around the stairs because of daughters sleep walking.

Blondeshavemorefun · Yesterday 18:56

The fact 46 others have said no is telling

tho you all did bid on it originally knowing that area was rough and downstairs bathroom

why can’t you put a stair gate on the stairs

or even on her bedroom door

Peppermintpatty24 · Yesterday 19:08

Stressedmum6761 · 25/04/2026 12:34

Hi, I really need some advice on what to do here please I've been crying all morning and scouring the Internet. I'm on the council housing list, have been for 3 years now because of the state of my current ground floor flat. The council came out to do a review and put my banding up.

I got a call yesterday out of the blue to view a house I bid on before Christmas and was 47th in the queue so didn't think I would have any chance. The woman said it has a small yard and a downstairs bathroom. My daughter is 6 and I'm so so scared she's going to fall down the stairs in the night time to use the toilet, she sleepwalks and is currently on the pathway for ASD, when she goes to the loo in the flat I have to battle to steer her back to bed or she's wandering about on her own for god knows how long.

I've also been to look at the house through the windows and it 100% does not have a yard as the lady said as the bathroom has been built on as an extension downstairs. I know this sounds so ungrateful but I don't want us moving from bad to worse, our current flat has a tiny little yard that I've managed to squeeze a bench and a mini greenhouse into so my daughter at least has somewhere she can sit outside when she's had a meltdown or needs to regulate herself.

I'm so worried if I turn this down by saying I'm worrying about the stairs at night I'll be taken down a band. Has anyone successfully turned down a property for safety concerns and not been penalised? Thank you 😊

Surely if your daughter "sleep walks", the bathroom being downstairs is neither here nor there as she would likely sleepwalk and fall anyways? As other posters have said, stair gate, and if you have plug sockets in the hallway, you could invest in motion sensor lights.

Gollumm · Yesterday 19:24

You said you have to help her back to bed when she sleepwalks to the toilet already, so what difference does it make that the toilet is now downstairs? It’s not a new problem as you’d have to get up anyway? Have you tried to seek help for her sleepwalking? Sounds like she needs to see a professional if it’s affecting you both this much.

Nervousfornoreason · Yesterday 19:24

Stressedmum6761 · 25/04/2026 12:56

Excuse me? If you read properly I said she goes after she's had a meltdown. I don't just send my daughter outside are you insane 😂

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You didn't actually, you said 'when she has a meltdown' no mention of the word 'after'

so there was no need to be rude to the other poster

BernardButlersBra · Yesterday 19:25

likelysuspect · 25/04/2026 12:38

You'll have to make it work

Or stay where you are

Or go private and be more able to pick and choose what you want

These are the options in short. At least where you live has a shorter list than where l live -it could easily be 2035 before you get anywhere here

Original poster

Stressedmum6761 · Yesterday 19:32

"somewhere she can sit outside when she's had a meltdown or needs to regulate herself."

Pretty sure that "had" is past tense. Meaning after and I absolutely had every right to be "rude" when that person thinks more about a disabled child potentially pissing their neighbours off than anything else...also the fact they clearly thought I'd lock my child outside or something while she was actively having a meltdown? Give over please.

OP posts:

Original poster

Stressedmum6761 · Yesterday 19:34

Blondeshavemorefun · Yesterday 18:56

The fact 46 others have said no is telling

tho you all did bid on it originally knowing that area was rough and downstairs bathroom

why can’t you put a stair gate on the stairs

or even on her bedroom door

I knew the area was bad yes but the advert didn't state anything about the bathroom. It was just "2 bedroom house with yard"

OP posts:

Original poster

Stressedmum6761 · Yesterday 19:34

Nervousfornoreason · Yesterday 19:24

You didn't actually, you said 'when she has a meltdown' no mention of the word 'after'

so there was no need to be rude to the other poster

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"somewhere she can sit outside when she's had a meltdown or needs to regulate herself."
Pretty sure that "had" is past tense. Meaning after and I absolutely had every right to be "rude" when that person thinks more about a disabled child potentially pissing their neighbours off than anything else...also the fact they clearly thought I'd lock my child outside or something while she was actively having a meltdown? Give over please.

OP posts:

ChapmanFarm · Yesterday 19:35

While I'm not saying you should take it if it's not right, the issue with the stairs and toilet is just for a pee in the night.

You could get a porta potty style loo (like campervans have with a cassette that you empty) which would solve it.

We have a downstairs bathroom and managed to fit a saniflo type toilet in an upstairs cupboard but if it hadn't been possible to fit the plumbing, I was going to get a portable loo to avoid the situation you are worried about.

Might be worth checking if there's a large cupboard or area you could screen for this purpose.

Once she's a bit older it will become less of an issue so if you do like it, there may be things you can do (but appreciate if rest is wrong it won't matter).

Original poster

Stressedmum6761 · Yesterday 19:37

Gollumm · Yesterday 19:24

You said you have to help her back to bed when she sleepwalks to the toilet already, so what difference does it make that the toilet is now downstairs? It’s not a new problem as you’d have to get up anyway? Have you tried to seek help for her sleepwalking? Sounds like she needs to see a professional if it’s affecting you both this much.

It being downstairs is an issue as I may miss her attempting to go downstairs on her own..yes I've been back and forth to the doctors for years over it. It's also being lumped in as one of her ASD symptoms.

OP posts:

Original poster

Stressedmum6761 · Yesterday 19:50

Blondeshavemorefun · Yesterday 18:56

The fact 46 others have said no is telling

tho you all did bid on it originally knowing that area was rough and downstairs bathroom

why can’t you put a stair gate on the stairs

or even on her bedroom door

Yes it's a lot of people/families who must of said no.

I did know the area was rough but kind of thought if the house was nice enough I could close my door and be happy with it kind of thing. It also didn't mention anything about the bathroom on the ad.

Stair gate on the stairs would mean she couldn't use the toilet independently or she'd try and climb over to get there by herself. A baby gate on her bedroom door isn't very safe either.

OP posts:

Coffeebeanzz · Yesterday 19:50

So many unhelpful comments telling the op to buy privately then she can get what she wants... obviously there's a reason why she needs a council house and there is a young child involved. Don't be so quick to judge! She's not concerned about it not having an amazing view or a walk in wardrobe, her concerns stem from safety needs for her child!!
Op - would you use a baby monitor in your room then that way you would be more likely to hear her getting up at night? Or there's probably some type of motion sensor one if she doesn't make much noise getting up?
Best of luck with whatever you decide to do

jessr1990 · Yesterday 19:52

Where I am, they wouldn't move you down a band, but they limit how many you can turn down, it's 1 or 2 I think.

If it's possible I'd view it first because there might be another outdoor space for you somewhere else, and it might not be terrible. You bid on it so I think the expectation will be that you'll take it, because there will be things you can put in place like stair gates.

TheDevilWears · Yesterday 20:28

You’re worried about a six year old navigating stairs??? Just leave the light on … does she sleepwalk every night? Both my DDs have ASD - we lived in a property with a downstairs bathroom for years when they were little - and no outside space - if you don’t want it you don’t want it but I can’t think that the council will accept yours as valid reasons for a refusal 🤷🏼‍♀️

Winniepoobear · Yesterday 20:32

47th on list and ur being offered it?

Sounds iffy to me.
These things would deff put me off ...

Rough area
No back yard space
Downstairs toilet/bathroom
And the fact that 47 people were offered it b4 you 🤔

If ur allowed to turn down 2 before u have to choose - then u know u can turn it down 2mrw if need be ..

Good luck 🤞

carrotsandstickz · Yesterday 20:41

My little sister who has severe developmental delay and epilepsy has poor balance and sleepwalks and has never fallen down stairs at night. I think it must be a primal instinct.

I'd take the house and get a sensor so you are notified if she gets out of bed.

Kracken72 · Yesterday 20:46

A lot of council 2 bedroom properties have the bathroom/toilet downstairs, what if the next property does?

Newusername0 · Yesterday 20:47

The council give you 2 reasonable refusals for exactly this reason. It doesn’t work for you. It might work for someone who has mobility issues and would like a downstairs bathroom, it might work for someone who doesn’t want the hassle of a garden, it might work for someone with family in the area…

You are turning it down (if indeed you are!) because it doesn’t work for you which means it can go to someone it does work for. That is entirely the point of the right to refuse and why the council give the option.

Good luck to you and your daughter, I hope you settle into a new home soon (one that is suitable for you both!).

Lyra25 · Yesterday 21:12

Stressedmum6761 · Yesterday 19:50

Yes it's a lot of people/families who must of said no.

I did know the area was rough but kind of thought if the house was nice enough I could close my door and be happy with it kind of thing. It also didn't mention anything about the bathroom on the ad.

Stair gate on the stairs would mean she couldn't use the toilet independently or she'd try and climb over to get there by herself. A baby gate on her bedroom door isn't very safe either.

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Hi OP, I hope you get a lovely home for you and your daughter soon.
ignore all the nasty comments on here, those are just ignorant people without enough life experience for any compassion. And seems to still always be the single parents, often who do so much, in and out of work, that get a lot of crap directed at them.
Stick to your guns and get somewhere that’s right for you

JillMW · Yesterday 21:34

Mapletree1985 · 25/04/2026 13:13

My son had night terrors and sleepwalked, and still does to this day (he's a grown man with a serious job). Once in his late teens he sleep-ran out of the house in the small hours wearing only his underwear; he was moving so fast I couldn't catch him.

We have always lived in houses with stairs and he has never once fallen down them. Sleepwalkers usually don't hurt themselves.

Your son is lucky he has not injured himself. I have had many injuries as has my mother and one of my children. Lots of sleep walkers do fall down stairs.

Blondeshavemorefun · Yesterday 21:44

Stressedmum6761 · Yesterday 19:50

Yes it's a lot of people/families who must of said no.

I did know the area was rough but kind of thought if the house was nice enough I could close my door and be happy with it kind of thing. It also didn't mention anything about the bathroom on the ad.

Stair gate on the stairs would mean she couldn't use the toilet independently or she'd try and climb over to get there by herself. A baby gate on her bedroom door isn't very safe either.

Show quote history

A tall /dog gate would prevent climbing over and maybe a bell on her door so when opens you hear it ?

in the end only you can decide if it’s worth accepting

what is wrong with the state of your flat now ?

can the council not fix it as surely once you move out they will need to do something to it or no one will want

what’s the issues ?

Zerosleep · Yesterday 22:11

Jollyjupiter · 25/04/2026 12:50

Why would you put your daughter outside if she is having a meltdown? Great way to piss off your neighbours!

Edited

Do you take care of a child with autism?