AIBU to stay out of my mum's decision about her will?

[MoneyandInheritance]

My mum has recently told me and my brother about her will. She is leaving nothing to us but is instead splitting it between her biological grandchildren. I have two children, my brother has two children with his with his ex and also two step children with his new wife who he has been with for about 10 years. My mum has always been kind to his SC, included them in gifts at Xmas, buys them things here and there like she does my children and my brothers bio children.

My brother is really annoyed with our mum, saying she should treat his SC like her bio GC and is pressuring me to tell her that she is wrong and needs to change her will. He says he would like it to be 50/50 between me and him but did say maybe he should get more because he has 4 children.

I have refused to get involved and said it’s not for us to decide what she does with her money, which is true, but I’m also glad that she isn’t leaving money to step grandchildren. AIBU? We don’t need the money and we can afford to help our children with uni, house deposits etc. My brother isn’t poor but I don’t know how much he’ll be able to help his children out. I just don’t care, I don’t want to talk about it, I don’t want my mum thinking I’m talking behind her back about her money and choices. My brother has told her he isn’t happy and I’ve told my mum I’m happy with whatever she wants.

But you want to redraw the line beyond the one DM has drawn. So actually yes, that does raise the possibility that your desire to widen it might mean there are other family members who she has relationships less close than the bio GC, but more close than the SGC. For all you know, there's people who'd completely understand only bio GC being included but who would then feel hurt if SGC with whom DM has a more distant relationship were given a legacy over them.

There just isn't enough information for you to draw all the conclusions that you are doing. Much less that OP should accede to DBs frankly appalling suggestion that she try and persuade DM that her plans for her estate aren't good enough.

Therefore legacies can recognise these step GC. What harm could it possibly do?

I don’t think anyone has suggested it will do actual harm. It just isn’t what the OP’s mother wants. I’d have thought you could decide what you wanted to do with your own money.

Any argument in favour of leaving to the SGC I think was lost the moment OP clarified that the GC and SGC never lived together and do not have a sibling relationship.

They are nowhere near equal.

@ForgotwhatIcameinherefor Why say “equal”? Clearly not but that doesn’t mean they should be totally ignored, along with the DS of the DM.

@AnnieLummox Well of course people decide to be unkind and divisive with money as a form of control and disrespect. It’s not what a pleasant caring person does.

Because she isn't particularly close to her son's partner's kids.

Step parents are generally advised to not try to be a parent - they should aim for more of a fun aunt / uncle role ( there are exceptions to this, but this is what is usually advised ). Same applies to grandparents - just because her son got re married, it does not mean the new partner's kids are automatically forced into a full grandchild / grandparent role. She's kind to them, but just not as close as she is to her grandkids.

Given that she isn't close to them, it's possible there are multiple other young family members that she is closer to, and would rightly feel left out if son's partner's kids are given an inheritance and they aren't.

I suppose I see what you are saying - but I suspect the son would not be mollified by a token amount.

I assume what she meant was that were my then GF & I to have children together that her son should get the same inheritance from me as any children his mother & I had