Aibu to pursue a potential fling...

[Reallybadmother]

Hi all. So, I'm currently living with ex partner. We separated a few months ago but still live together. He was abusive which is why I left him. I have secured housing and will be moving out in early August. We have two DC (both under 5).

There's a guy at work who I like. I am pretty sure he likes me too. He is 6 years younger than me which puts me off a bit as he is still pretty early 20's, but seems mature for his age. Doesn't sleep around and is single, just seems to spend his life working.

I do not want a relationship as it is far too soon, but I cannot stop thinking about him. Do I pursue FWB? I don't want to be the one to make the first move but I don't know if he ever will as he's really respectful and a little shy. I'm scared that if I do approach him he might reject me and I don't know how I would handle that whilst still working there, honestly. This is why I never get with anyone that I work with, but there's something about him that I have always liked. He is very kind, gentle, soft spoken, and looks at me so lovingly when we have conversations. Even the way he looks around is attractive. His physical appearance isn't what I would normally go for, but he is good-looking, and I think I'm finding him super attractive because his personality is so attractive.

Anyway, I'm rambling. What should I do? He added me on social media last night at around 11pm, which I thought was a little sus to do it at that hour when he had finished work at 6pm with nothing else on (or so he said). I accepted it this morning but obviously not expecting him to just message me straight away.

I know I'm over thinking this by a very large margin, but he is living in my head rent free right now and I don't know what to do aaaaaaaa help

Yes OP, after a traumatic relationship you must never have fun ever again. Become a nun. That will keep them
all happy.

it might not be fun.
sometimes judgement can help.
If someone posts on an open forum they have to be more to different responses.

You need to sort yourself out and get your head straight after years of being abused. The fact that you think having any sort of relationship with a man at the moment is ok shows just how fucked up your head is.

You're going to end up in another mess unless you get your life properly sorted out before you consider anything else.

She will be moving out in August. Maybe it will be acceptable then.

I haven't; I was more alluding to how to approach him in my OP, or if not to. Pretty clear everyone thinks not to!

Meh. Doing similar. Just doing it with my eyes wide open. The first one is a fuck up. If it’s fun have fun. Don’t take your baggage. I was just fed up living without sex TBH.

I think this must be my calling. How foolish of me not to know that after being in an abusive relationship, which was seemingly my fault, I cannot be with anyone again or else I'm abandoning my kids, as I only have the attention span of a squirrel and therefore won't be able to give my kids any attention if I see this man once a week or so.

I realise now how wrong I was. I am going now, to pray for forgiveness.

Yeah I really do not have any expectations for a relationship, but I need to know that he is on the same page. I'm not planning on involving him in my home life whatsoever, I just want to feel actual love/touch or positive feelings from someone again.

JUMP ON HER, JUMP ON HER

I want a real penis not a plastic one, why that makes me a villain, I don't know, but here we are.

I wish I had the confidence to do this, though I am assuming you are not being serious.

Interesting username OP. Not goady at all in relation to your thread!

Ok, I hear that you only want a fling. What if the other chap really likes you and doesn't want it to be just a fling?

Just think it's safer to go out of the workplace. By all means, have some fun, please be careful though because if your abusive ex finds out when still living in the shared home, would that not make things much worse? Personally I would wait til in your new home and away from the ex in every sense. I presume the chap at work will still be there in Aug!

Thank you, I chose it when making my first ever post. I'm glad you like it.

Just give yourself some time without any bloke around. Abusive relationships honestly mess with how you think about everything, knock your confidence etc and can lead to bad decisions.

At the end of the day, no one here knows you and it isn’t going impact any of us, but some will have been through abusive relationships, seen others go through them and we are just saying what we have seen give the best outcome.

God you are so boring and patronising

maybe he is the new love of her life? Ir just a great fuck

adult can negotiate relationships and sex in the workplace

Have we hit the Friday night 🍷 a tad early?

It’s not about never having fun again, it’s about considering where you might end up if it goes wrong. Having been in an abusive relationship makes you more vulnerable to further abuse, so space and time to heal and recover matters.

Your abusive ex still lives in your house, that alone makes things complicated and the point of leaving (not separating) can be very risky for the woman. If he finds out you’ve moved on while he’s still there it makes for at best an awkward atmosphere.

You work with this guy, you don’t know if he’s interested, or whether he would want something more than a fling. If he does, it could make work awkward too.

It’ll soon be August, you’ll have a better idea of how the land lies. Would it be so awful to wait?

Thank you, for responding like an adult! Yes, I think I will delay making any moves until then. I was not planning on bringing him to my home, though perhaps I did overlook my exes potential reaction if he did find out (I don't think he would, and if he did I think he would be indifferent at this point for a few reasons - but who knows!).

I do really like this guy, but I guess waiting would be for the best. Builds tension! Just hope nobody else has bagged him by then, sigh

Never shag anyone from work. It invariably goes pear shaped.

Well, build a friendship? My other half was my friend for a year before we got together and by far the best and longest relationship I've ever had. I liked him as a person.
And yes, even though you'd not take him home, these things have a way getting back to the people we don't want to know sadly.

Best of luck and I wish you and the children all the happy in the world and enjoy your new life in Aug away from the ex.

I hear you, and yes I think I have decided I will wait until August to feel it out. I just feel so sex-starved and tired of waiting, and think I got a bit carried away with the idea.

I don't really know how I would navigate if he did want a relationship. I would make it clear beforehand that I do not, and if he doesn't want to then that's fine by me. If he did further down the line, I guess I would just have to cross that bridge when we come to it. Thanks for the advice.

It's because things start out simple and get complicated OP.

Think back: how did you end up with an abusive ex in the first place? Was it another rash jumping in to the pool?

We have been friends for around 4 years, just never anything more due to me being taken. I think I will wait until I am living alone and see how I feel then.

Thank you for your kind words, I hope it's onwards and upwards for us all from that point. Me and my kids as a family and my own romantic pursuits separately.

I've had many flings and casual sex but I really wouldn't have it with someone at work. So many things can go wrong. If you want casual fun, there are plenty of guys who would be happy to oblige and with much less potential complications.