Aibu to pursue a potential fling...

[Reallybadmother]

Hi all. So, I'm currently living with ex partner. We separated a few months ago but still live together. He was abusive which is why I left him. I have secured housing and will be moving out in early August. We have two DC (both under 5).

There's a guy at work who I like. I am pretty sure he likes me too. He is 6 years younger than me which puts me off a bit as he is still pretty early 20's, but seems mature for his age. Doesn't sleep around and is single, just seems to spend his life working.

I do not want a relationship as it is far too soon, but I cannot stop thinking about him. Do I pursue FWB? I don't want to be the one to make the first move but I don't know if he ever will as he's really respectful and a little shy. I'm scared that if I do approach him he might reject me and I don't know how I would handle that whilst still working there, honestly. This is why I never get with anyone that I work with, but there's something about him that I have always liked. He is very kind, gentle, soft spoken, and looks at me so lovingly when we have conversations. Even the way he looks around is attractive. His physical appearance isn't what I would normally go for, but he is good-looking, and I think I'm finding him super attractive because his personality is so attractive.

Anyway, I'm rambling. What should I do? He added me on social media last night at around 11pm, which I thought was a little sus to do it at that hour when he had finished work at 6pm with nothing else on (or so he said). I accepted it this morning but obviously not expecting him to just message me straight away.

I know I'm over thinking this by a very large margin, but he is living in my head rent free right now and I don't know what to do aaaaaaaa help

I would not complicate work situation by having a fling with someone you work with

Don't have a fling with someone you work with while also still living in the same house as your ex. Bit surprised this needs spelling out.

I think the expression is "don't dip the pen in company ink "

You are coming out of a currently complicated situation.

You are wantimg to enter into another one - a FWB from your workplace is a really bad decision. If it ever causes issues at work (whether it goes wrong & you/he react at work, whether your abusive ex partner finds out & decides to make trouble etc) then your job is at risk.

Risking your income at a time when you are leaving an ex and really need the income is madness.

Really good idea. What could possibly go wrong?

Go for it OP there is no harm. I would let him make the first move though. Talk outside of work and see what the vibe is like.

Seems like a really sensible thing to do OP, go for it 🙄

To spell it out plainly:

I assume you are not independently wealthy, so you will need your job. Do not complicate matter and risk losing it (or risk making it very difficult for yourself) by having a fling/relationship with a guy at the same company.

You are still living with you ex which is a difficult situation. You still need time to heal and find your feet in your next stage of life. Do not set yourself back by having a fling with some guy. You are easy prey for this seemingly nice young guy but do not be tempted - you are vulnerable and need to protect yourself.

Your 2 DC are 5 and under - they need your full time undivided time and attention in this difficult period for them. Don't dilute yourself by shagging some guy who doesn't have their interests (or yours) at heart.

Single mum ain't allowed no fun ay

Just message him "fancy a shag"

I think it's never a good idea having a fling with someone from work, it can lead to things becoming very awkward when/if it ends. I'd also wait until you're living apart from your ex before pursuing any kind of relationship, even a casual one. It's just not worth the hassle!

No, out your kids first.

no thought for the kids.

I'm really nervous, I don't know if to message him first or if it will make me look desperate. Thank you though, as I did just want something casual but everyone else's comments are a little off-putting now. It's not like I want to marry him and my last relationship was dead in the water for years. I only work in a shop so it's not exactly a big career that I'm throwing away for the sake of sex. I would never introduce him to my children. Was just thinking casual hook-up, but now other's have said not to I'm doubting myself...

How am I not putting my kids first by casually seeing someone while they're both in nursery, who they will never meet?

Why not? I'm so sick of living a loveless, sexless life. It has been this way for years. I'm tired of feeling like I'm living my life around my nasty ex. Obviously I would not bring him to my home and introduce him to my kids.

I'm not going to lose my job because I'm having sex with someone else who works there. I doubt my ex would find out or care since he's also leaving to a new city in a month's time. I was kind of planning on waiting until he had gone just in case, but still would not bring new guy to my house to play happy families, I'm not stupid.

Absolutely not. Never shit where you eat. Go to Ann Summers.

This is messy. You need to move away from your abusive ex before you see someone. You don’t know how he will react if he finds out.

also. How do you know this guy will be happy with just sex and no relationship?

Gosh I would. Life is short and you deserve some fun.

Are people not allowed to get together at work these days? (Both single of course). I thought that’s where most people met their partners?

Too much judgement on this thread.

How do you have 2 children under 5 from years of a sexless relationship? Are they not his children?

You've made up your mind so not sure why you are posting.

I hear you, but the relationship had been dead for years before ending and I've been focusing on myself for years because of that. It seems that everybody is making the assumption I want to make this man a replacement father, which I do not. I just want a casual fling in my own time, I'm not planning on dumping my kids on childminders so I can go have fun with him. It would be when they are at nursery, anyway.

The majority assumption that I'm a stupid, horrible mother who is trying to jump from one relationship to the next and don't care about my DC is absurd. Yet, that's the mumsnet way - to read a post and fill in the gaps with your own imagination to make the scenario as awful as possible. 🙄

The last time we had sex was in 2024, not that it's any of your business.

Exactly just slow down

Thank you. God, it is as if my post read "I have met this guy at work and want to marry him so he can be a dad to my kids". 🙄

I want to but I am nervous. I think I may wait a while to see if he messages me first. I prefer traditional men who pursue women anyway, so I suppose that will tell me if he is like that (and interested).