To say 'make your own breakfast' to Husband

[OneThingAfterTheOther]

We do manage to share the load of chores as both work FT and one high schooler DC to drop/pick at times from activities.

But with DC home with school exams , I found myself doing all the cooking and washing straight for the past 4 days after a weekend that was equally busy with dinner out with friends of DH on a Sunday late night.

I think with DC home , it meant making 4 meals a day on time whilst normally we do late meals and easy meals while working. We were both worried about ordering out as DC had a bug just last week and we didnt want to chance it with exams with takeout food etc.

I was also tutoring DC as requested to by DH on a subject I am more familiar /expert in for his exam this week.

DC off to school this morning and I went for a mini lie down before logging into WFH. Was getting myself eggs and toast when DH goes ' Can I get some toast and eggs too' I had previously this morning told him I am exhausted after the past four days and do have work today just like he does. And can he make the lunch today, for which DC will be home for. To which he appeared to just smirk and laugh it off ' OH im in charge of lunch eh'

I snapped when he asked for breakfast and said get your own breakfast rudely. He was shocked as that is a rare for me to do. At worst I would say ' I am so sorry, no time, office call in two mins, here have half mine' etc

AIBU to lose it and snap ? I didnt feel I could snap when DC around on study leave the past week, but it building up a bit

DH said ' but I did car pool run this morning and groceries' I have said this a gazillion times but I can order from Asda/tesco the weekly shop and do a better job of it without picking only markdowns and almost expired items half the time. And the car pool drop is two minutes by car after I sorted DC ready to go.

this. If you all ways do what you always did, you will always get what you've always had.

You're obviously exhausted. You obviously just snapped over what would normally be a tiny thing. But it sounds as if you've made a rod for your own back with those two, waiting on them hand and foot and doing all the housework. As you say, this is like the 1950s, only then the wife would be at home all day and have time to lie around reading novels. Things are different now and your two menfolk have to realise that and get with the program. It's up to you to put your foot down and say, nope, I'm not making 4 meals a day any more. You can either have what I'm having or make your own.

how about "and when you make your own you can make mine too" Payback time.

You'd be crazy to reduce your income because its too much looking after a 16 year old. Keep the income and help him become more independent.

Of course, but the point is that she was really tired and exhausted after the last few days. People do snap when they're knackered.

This is mad OP.

You can teach him to make quick hot lunches if that’s what he likes, toasties, noodles, omelettes, warmed pitta bread, quesadillas…?

Look I have teens doing exams at the moment as well and I am doing a lot of extra cooking as they’re at home a lot and I want them to have healthy home made food and snacks. I’ve been taking hot chocs, home made popcorn etc up to their rooms for a surprise when they’re revising. But the minute their exams are over they’ll be expected to pitch in again.

And they are perfectly capable of getting their own, I’m not home all the time as I’m at work a lot! They can warm up leftovers, use the oven and air fryer, make sandwiches etc… make their own hot drinks.

I have done some baking etc over the weekend as they are snacking so much at the moment I wanted them to have something home made.

And the difference is my DH is doing over half of this as he’s a much better cook and he also wants them to eat well.

Makes pasta at eight years old? Is she even tall enough to use the hob??

In your first post you said you and DH generally shared chores, but that is clearly not true.
You do most of everything for you, your DH and DS.
No wonder you are tired!

This is a problem of your own making, so it's up to you to fix it.

Both DH and DS are lazy and entitled Asian men (your words, not mine!).
They will not change unless they have to.

So you need to reintroduce the pre-Pandemic routine, with tweaks ie you do even less than you did then.

Everyone makes their own breakfast, lunch, and snacks.

And everyone takes a turn of making dinner - you do 3 nights, DH does 3, and DS does one. Cook cleans up after themselves.
DS loads/unloads dishwasher (or washes/dries up).

There are recipes and how-to videos available at the click of a mouse, so no-one has an excuse not to do it.
And any idiot can cook pasta, open a jar of sauce, and grate some cheese.

So, meals sorted.

Chores.
Divide those up eg by upstairs/downstairs. One cleans the kitchen, the other does the bathroom.
DS can vacuum.
Laundry - you and DH take it in turns for yours, DS does his. Includes washing, drying, folding, and putting away.
Ditto for changing the beds.
Everyone tidies up after themselves.
Garden - DS mows lawn, you and DH weed/tidying.
Do a main online shop for your basics, DH can still go and look for any bargains on top of that.
Pay a window cleaner!

Chores sorted.

Don't stop working and compromise your pension because you're doing everything at home as well as working full-time.

I know this isn't the point of the post, but April seems so early for exams. When I was at school, I'm sure my A-levels ran through till the third week in June, and there's no way we started in April. What a truncated second year of A-levels!

OP are you genuinely planning to reduce your hours because of the pressure of the maid service expected from you by two grown men? Really?! You’re prepared to risk your financial independence and pension because your husband and son can’t make a sandwich? This is complete madness.

Why on earth are you accepting this misogyny? You are not even a “traditional” household - you have a FT job AND are doing all the domestic chores AND tutoring your son! Why? Why are you accepting this? And you do realise that the minute you go down to PT at work the very little your husband and son do now will diminish to absolute zero? You really will be their maid then.

Why on Earth can’t your teenage children make their own breakfast, lunch, snacks? You aren’t doing them any favours by infantilising them.

I agree, cutting her hours would be a really poor decision.

I cannot believe you are tired because you are running around after two idle blokes who think they are entitled to maid service and your solution to that is to reduce your independence so you can be a better, more energetic maid.

I want to shake you till your teeth rattle.

I just meant that they’re revising. They’ve already had language oral exams this week and they had coursework that had to be submitted after Easter so they’ve just been really busy and at home a lot. (Twins)

Breakfast is making your own for sure. If you’re literally about to crack the eggs in the pan and can fit another, sure but otherwise no way would I during the week. Likewise would not be making anyone lunch unless whatever I was having made more than one portion easily.

I also always think, what would DH be doing if he wasn’t making his food? If the answer is sitting on the sofa on his phone while I rush around the kitchen, he can do it himself!

No shade from me for having a mini lie down!! Being a martyr doesn’t benefit anyone!!

Agree. You need to stop taking all these hints as instructions and learn to ignore or say, ‘ooh! Yes please. I’ll have one too as your making them’

My 7 year old can make his own lunch, I do it most of the time but he can, does and likes to. A sandwich, something on toast, a wrap etc he can grab fruit from the bowl and yoghurt from the fridge

So he gets bloated from bread but wanted eggs & toast for breakfast?

Would the sandwiches have bloated him if you had made them?

Why didn't you get your son to make his own sandwich?

Yes. They’re perfectly capable of making their own lunch and have been for years, at least since y7.

Is your husband so tired he's thinking of working less hours?

Having said that it might be worth getting your bloods checked.

I can't remember getting drinks for my kids when they were that age. I think you could make life much easier by cutting back on that.

Give him a recipe book.

Your husband’s request was perfectly reasonable but his sulking isn’t.

What is the matter with people? FFS his request was neither reasonable nor is any sulking. You were fed up and not being petty. It was rude to ask you to make food after you had already offered and was told no and just as you’re about to eat your own breakfast!

When I asked him before I started making mine he said no thanks when I was taking mine off the stove, he came and said can you do mine too
Yes I do feel like I was petty, and he did look very shocked

All these women acting like you’re a stepford wife. It is bloody exhausting looking after everyone else and working a professional job. Your feelings are valid here.

So you can’t put another 2 slices of bread in the toaster and crack 2 extra eggs? It would have been completely different if you were intermittent fasting or having cereal or something but you were already making toast end eggs!

No. My 10 and 13 year olds make their own lunches. Have done since 9 and 11.