To say 'make your own breakfast' to Husband

[OneThingAfterTheOther]

We do manage to share the load of chores as both work FT and one high schooler DC to drop/pick at times from activities.

But with DC home with school exams , I found myself doing all the cooking and washing straight for the past 4 days after a weekend that was equally busy with dinner out with friends of DH on a Sunday late night.

I think with DC home , it meant making 4 meals a day on time whilst normally we do late meals and easy meals while working. We were both worried about ordering out as DC had a bug just last week and we didnt want to chance it with exams with takeout food etc.

I was also tutoring DC as requested to by DH on a subject I am more familiar /expert in for his exam this week.

DC off to school this morning and I went for a mini lie down before logging into WFH. Was getting myself eggs and toast when DH goes ' Can I get some toast and eggs too' I had previously this morning told him I am exhausted after the past four days and do have work today just like he does. And can he make the lunch today, for which DC will be home for. To which he appeared to just smirk and laugh it off ' OH im in charge of lunch eh'

I snapped when he asked for breakfast and said get your own breakfast rudely. He was shocked as that is a rare for me to do. At worst I would say ' I am so sorry, no time, office call in two mins, here have half mine' etc

AIBU to lose it and snap ? I didnt feel I could snap when DC around on study leave the past week, but it building up a bit

DH said ' but I did car pool run this morning and groceries' I have said this a gazillion times but I can order from Asda/tesco the weekly shop and do a better job of it without picking only markdowns and almost expired items half the time. And the car pool drop is two minutes by car after I sorted DC ready to go.

Your 16 year old should be more than capable of dealing with a load of washing. How many specialist variable can there be?!

Ive never made DH breakfast or lunch in my life
We just get our own

" can I get?"
I would snap as well , he could F right off with that, your family are treating you like their personal assistant
If they have arms they can help themselves

Yes and also I think DH is the one sending the strong message that we should be cooking for DC and not asking them to do it themselves.

Where we actually means you?

I would suggest that once at the weekend you get them all in the kitchen with you and show them how to make one thing they like. Once they know how to cook it then they can continue. Unfortunately you can't now say no cook it yourself as they haven't been taught.
I have 3 kids 11,13 and 14. They all sort themselves out for breakfast and lunch but I did have to show them how to cook warm food.

And what's all this "making snacks" nonsense - surely kids just grab an apple from the fruit bowl?

Not just their own lunch. Family breakfast once a week on Saturdays (including washing up) and helps out with family dinner at the weekend.
Makes own breakfast every morning and walks to school 25 minutes away. And that's at the age of 14. At 16, I wouldn't even keep track of whether or not they had something to eat until dinner time. They know where the fridge is.

My 16 year old makes her own lunch, cooks about half the evening meals, and does the online grocery shopping. Husband makes his own lunch and breakfast and cooks the other half of the evening meals. Just refuse to do it.

Yes, and even if he makes a mistake, he can learn from it. Like my son doing a cold wash for his sheets.

If course they did. From age 11 upwards.

My 8 year old DGS is perfectly capable of getting himself a sandwich and fruit also

If your 16yo DS were a 16yo DD @OneThingAfterTheOther would you have the same low expectations?

Could you make a sandwich / piece of toast and a hot chocolate for yourself at 16? I bet you could.

No, I don't mean sandwiches. My teens (from about aged 10/11) cooked basic food - pasta, grilled cheese, egg fried rice. They now (aged 14-16) cook full meals within reason (bolognaise etc) and if they don't fancy what we are having they will whip themselves up pesto pasta or eggs. Are you actually serious that your 16 year old doesn't cook anything basic and doesn't do his own washing?

@OneThingAfterTheOther

well you drop what you’re doing and make it for him of course. And if you need to run out to the shop to get some of the ingredients, then you do.

I see the Four Yorkshiremen are already out in force telling you how easy it is to make more eggs and toast blah blah but he should get his breakfast, lazy sod, and if my DH ever asked me for anything saying "can I get x" too he'd never get another meal cooked by me again, he wouldn't speak to a waitress like that so he'd better not say it to his wife.

@OneThingAfterTheOther Does your son have additional needs? he’s asked to wash cutlery, get his fruit and bring laundry bag down but mummy will set the washer?
Im sorry but this is ridiculous that a 16 yr old is this useless and pampered, a few years and he’ll be at uni and eventually his partner will be losing the plot at her hopeless mummy’s boy.

Learn to cook it yourself and then you can have it for lunch.

So you have one child who must be 15/16? Why are you running around after DC like a toddler? Can they not make lunch? Why are you so exhausted with one child? All this sounds … odd.

I know we mostly somewhat baby our kids nowadays but I lived on my own at 16.

My 11 year old does her own lunch, cooking wise it's limited to scrambled eggs or noodles at the moment (dyspraxia) but she learnt how to use the air fryer last night and did a hot snack.

I'm not even going to start about your sulking H.

You need to be less available to being other people's dogsbody.

if this is true, what i don’t understand is how you can get to 16 without noticing that none of your friends live like this. My girls have had friends round probably hundreds of times, or them to theirs, since they were about 12 and I’d be out wherever. They’d all just get on with making their own meals, or baking cakes or whatever. No one has ever suggested that is strange as far as I know.

Yes my teens always make their own lunch if at home. I never eat breakfast so tend to have brunch instead that takes me through to evening meal, my girls usually want their lunch early afternoon. I probably only cook evening meals 4 times a week as I’m happy with beans on toast or a baked potato neither of which they enjoy. Youngest often makes herself a stir fry, my eldest loves a picky tea. We all lead busy lives they are both more than capable in the kitchen, they let me know what they want when I go shopping. When I do make a family meal there’s always left overs so they also have the easy option of heating something up.

The only meal I make for my teens is dinner. They make their own breakfast, lunch, snacks. My 7yr old will make her own breakfast - usually a bowl of cereal or toast.

You do way too much. I wouldnt put up with my husband sulking all day because of one snappy moment. He needs to grow up.

My kids are 14 and 10 … when on school holidays they BOTH make their own lunch … EVERYDAY … when I’m wfh!!

This is all just too much nonsense.

If I was making eggs on toast, yes I'd offer it to anyone else who was in the house at the time. But this whole timetabling of 4 meals a day, snacks, hot chocolates etc is ridiculous. Meal plan and shop for 7 meals a week. You ALL take it in turns to cook them, depending on who is available. People can knock up sandwiches/ soup/toast etc for lunch (offering them to others if they're in), and everyone can grab their own snacks and drinks, offering to others as appropriate.

You've lost me.

Your DC is 16? Are there toddlers too?

Why are both DH and DC not making their own breakfast and lunch, let alone snacks and hot chocolate? 16 yo can cook his own goujons!

Once my brother and I were in our teens, we were perfectly capable of feeding ourselves and our parents just made the evening meal.

I can't say who was responsible for raising your DH, but it sounds like you're raising another manchild and his wife will be along here in a few years complaining that he gets cranky without his morning snack.

How is your son suppose to keep himself alive when he leaves home if he can’t even get himself fruit from the fruit bowl? Any future partner will resent him just like you resent your husband.

Now I'm totally confused...is DC not able to turn a knob on a washing machine?

Is he hoping to go to University? Do you really think he can go from unable to make a hot chocolate or switch on a washing machine to fully independent in 2 years, or do you think his female housemates will swoop in and save him?