To consider reporting my ex husband's NHS nurse affair partner?

[SadlyNotATroll]

I have changed some details as they’re outing but tried to keep the gist the same.

Last year I discovered my husband was having an affair. The woman he was having an affair with is a nurse who works for the NHS. I don’t know where exactly she works or what kind of nurse she is. In the aftermath of me discovering the affair, one evening this woman turned up at my house and started verbally abusing me on my doorstep. She shouted and screamed at me in front of my kids, saying my husband had dumped her (!) and it was my fault because I “beat him up”, my children are scared of me and he is only with me to protect my children from me.

I live on a quiet street and my neighbours saw and heard all this go on. Thankfully my next door neighbour came to my defence and told this woman to leave or she’d call the police, which thankfully she did. I was a wreck, my 7 year old daughter heard it all and was crying, it was awful. In the time that followed I genuinely feared for my safety in my home and had to be signed off work for a month.

The woman never came back (and neither did the husband thank goodness) but I’m wondering whether I should make a complaint about her. I don’t know if I even can, how I’d go about it, or whether I should just let it lie.

Needless to say that I’ve never laid a finger upon my ex husband, our children or anyone for that matter.

Sorry you went through that OP. But I’m not sure what you’d report her for? If you had a police report then I guess you could, but I’m not sure what the NHS’ stance would even be on something like that, unless he was a patient of hers? Since it’s been a year, if I was you I’d just move on with your head held high.

Hi @wishfulthinking25 thanks for replying. That’s what I thought too, but wondered because of her role whether she has to uphold certain standards of conduct outside of work. By that I don’t mean the affair itself, but the accusations she made about me. I should probably just let it go. I’ve not seen or spoken to her since (or before. I didn’t even know she knew where we lived)

I think you should leave it there. She has been fed some bullshit by your ex and obviously should not have turned up at your place. If you want to report to anyone, report to the police.

Other than rant and rave like a lunatic, what did she do that you would report her for? Did she physically attack you? Was your husband a patient?

Husband not a patient and no physical contact at all. They actually met at bongo bingo. Lol

Nah, the correct thing would've been to call 999, especially as your children were scared and upset too.

Trying to get her employers interested in this isn't going to work at this stage.

It might've done if she had been charged by the police.

Omg that’s awful thing to go through. Is your ex husband still with her? As you share children this will take some consideration. But largely depends on whether they are together now. As would you want your children round such a volatile woman near them. Personally don’t think the NHS would be interested and would only go police if she comes round again. Agree with the other posters your husband has wound her up.

There wouldn’t be any action in my trust for this in afraid. Sorry your dh is a cheating arse.

No, I meant was your husband a patient of the nurse but obvs not. Sorry this happened to you, but in all honesty I think the NMC have bigger fish to fry. I’d save yourself the stress.

Absolutely no reason to contact the employer, what good would that do and what concern is it of there’s?

sorry this has happened to you but you have no reason to contact the employers

You should have reported her at the time if you were afraid and felt threatened.

Given she's not been back i would let it go. The last thing you want is her at your door again.

I understand you have an emotional desire to see her punished for having an affair with your husband and shouting at your door, but realistically, that's not going to happen.

It has nothing to do with her job, so no, I don't think you should report her. It's the husband that is the issue, making up stories about you.

No they’re not together, so no safeguarding concerns for the kids. He barely sees them at all actually, which is his choice.

thanks everyone who has replied, I think when you’re in a situation yourself it’s hard to know what the right thing to do is so I’m grateful for the advice. I won’t report her. But happy to answer any questions about the cheating ex…!

Was she in Uniform that might be different but otherwise I don’t think you’ll get anything from it and deserve to move on.

She sounds unhinged, but there is no way that the NMC would investigate, much less discipline her, based on what you've said. If the police had been involved and she'd been charged, then yes, but as it stands it's a one-off incident which you have no evidence to corroborate your side anyway.

Sorry this happened to you, it must have been incredibly distressing.

She actually was in uniform. But I’m not going to take it any further

No . Why would you involve the workplace in a personal matter like this ? What has her being a nurse got to do with anything? Would you do the same for everyone regardless of what career they have ? Her behaviour was inappropriate but it’s spiteful to get involved in her work life over this . Plus you don’t actually know fully her side of the story , nor is it likely you will be told a truthful version .

Ah at the time and in Uniform it might have resulted in some reaction from work re her conduct but not now I suspect unfortunately.

I imagine the month off work was related to her cheating bastard of a husband?

There is nothing you can do. A year has passed. You neighbour intervened and told the woman to leave or she'd call the police. The woman did that and left, she has not returned and clearly it was the end of your relationship with your husband and the end of her relationship with him. There's only a conflict of interest if your ex was her patient. Otherwise her occupation is not relevant. Im not sure why you want to open this wound, I suspect your mischievously seeking revenge. If I were you Id close this chapter and move on with your life. It serves no purpose whatsoever to reopen it.

if a nurse is arrested by police, they have the authority to report it to the NMC if it was a ‘notifiable offence’
good to see u are not going to report it OP - that would not be appropriate

Why now? So long after the event? Let it go.

I'm a paramedic, between the ambulance service and A&E where i am the NHS would collapse if they sacked or struck off everyone who has had an affair over the years.

Deal with your ex and rebuilding your own life, don't try to use someone's profession and employment to try to get your revenge.

I know a nurse who was having an affair with a married man. She did the same as this one when he dumped her.

Unfortunately for her, the wife went nuclear and reported her everywhere. It turned out the nurse had looked at the wife’s medical records multiple times. She was struck off by NMC for that and the aggressive behaviour.