AIBU for stopping a nice Muslim girl from showing my son her hair?

[BeSpoonyRedCat]

It was on Monday after school, 10 year old DS, a very traditional 10 year old Muslim girl, and another 10 year old girl from my son's school were in the living room.

DS asked to see the Muslim girl's hair and she was actually about to show him. I stopped her, nothing dramatic. I basically said no sweetie, don't do that. I wasn't loud. Both girls looked like they wanted to laugh while my son looked annoyed. After I finished dropping the girls home, my son was all moody.

Yesterday he was still moody and I asked why he's upset. He basically explained that the Muslim girl doesn't show any other kid her hair. I said there's a reason for that. And I'm thankful my son didn't ask me the reason because I actually don't know.

From my perspective, I was being a responsible adult with my son and 2 girls under my supervision. I don't know the ramifications of that little girl showing my son her hair. I don't know if her parents would have been upset with her. I don't know if her parents would have banned my son from being friends with her. But I'm still wondering if I was dramatic.

Am I being unreasonable?

Would you give a visiting Jewish child pork?

Thank god for women like you, there to reinforce the patriarchy when men arent.

Agree...in my experience the vast majority of moderate families won't even bring their children to class birthdays, let alone a playdate. So a strict family allowing this is very odd

Why would your son be so bothered about someone's hair? It's quite odd IMO. Does he also ask to see other bits of their bodies that they cover? If not then what's different about hair?

This all seems very odd to me. It that situation I wouldn't have told the girl not too do it - but I would have told my son to stop asking and that he was being really rude.

My DS14 (nearly 15) had a Muslim girlfriend this time last year who was exactly the same age as him, she covered her hair at school and as soon as she got in my house the hair cover was straight off. I did ask her about it, she explained her family were very relaxed, her mum is a single mum, very much the matriarch of the family. The GF was very much able to express her own opinions like most kids her age.
I don’t believe my son would have asked her to do it and I think if he had she would have told him where to go. It’s also her hair to do what she likes with.
I don’t know if you were unreasonable or not because I think it depends on the girl and her family.

I think what you did was lovely, OP.

The girl may have felt that she should show her hair when asked because she was in your home.

You showed her that it's ok to have boundaries.

As someone who used to get very uncomfortable when friends' parents would try to feed me cheeseburgers and ham sandwiches that I know I couldn't eat but didn't know how to say no to, thank you.

I just want to ask - when little girls (10 or even under) go out wearing the same lipstick and eyeshadow as mum, making their baby faces look bright/pretty/whatever, do we still assume it’s because mum and dad have forced them to follow their own behaviours?

Sadly, abusive parents who force girls to wear headscarves exist. I would never put a scarf on my own child especially at that age, if she wants to wear it as an adult/teenager then that’s up to her. However, painting every Muslim girl with the same brush of oppression and misogyny is also wrong and anti-feminist.

No - OP is being respectful of another culture. I would have done the same, but then checked with the parents if they minded that I had stepped in at this point, so that I would know what that family expects…

Of course, I would also make sure that the little girl didn’t get into any trouble - I would probably do that by speaking to the Mother, and would point out here that this situation, to a lot of people, won’t have been navigated before.

I think OP was just doing her best - no drama - but curious to see if others had faced this cultural tightrope, and I think she handled it well.

I have seen girls younger than 10 wearing hijab. Why are some saying it doesn't happen ? It tends to be African Muslims in my area.