AIBU for stopping a nice Muslim girl from showing my son her hair?

[BeSpoonyRedCat]

It was on Monday after school, 10 year old DS, a very traditional 10 year old Muslim girl, and another 10 year old girl from my son's school were in the living room.

DS asked to see the Muslim girl's hair and she was actually about to show him. I stopped her, nothing dramatic. I basically said no sweetie, don't do that. I wasn't loud. Both girls looked like they wanted to laugh while my son looked annoyed. After I finished dropping the girls home, my son was all moody.

Yesterday he was still moody and I asked why he's upset. He basically explained that the Muslim girl doesn't show any other kid her hair. I said there's a reason for that. And I'm thankful my son didn't ask me the reason because I actually don't know.

From my perspective, I was being a responsible adult with my son and 2 girls under my supervision. I don't know the ramifications of that little girl showing my son her hair. I don't know if her parents would have been upset with her. I don't know if her parents would have banned my son from being friends with her. But I'm still wondering if I was dramatic.

Am I being unreasonable?

I’m sure I’m not the only one thinking this sounds like a load of balls.

There are a number of tv ads in countries (possibly where it is fairly new to force women to cover their hair?) showing men reacting to women showing their hair, either by giving them a hair cover and making them cover up or by demonstrating that ‘immodest’ women get sexually assaulted.

OP who made you the boss? If she wanted to show him her hair, what right have you got to stop her? It’s only hair.

Virtue signalling 100%.

She wanted to show him, you stopped her. Its hair, her hair. What a crazy world we live in.

So you really think parents have a right to own a 10year old hair, they are not allowed to think for themselves and need to be controlled by their parent?

and now you have made your own think they have done something wrong?

I think this is the most sensible response.

From what?

The son is upset because she never shows anyone her hair so he would be special by getting her to show him at his house. He should not have asked and she should definitely have been supported when cornered into doing something she isn’t usually comfortable with.

Did everyone stand up and clap afterwards?

This thread demonstrates two things - the amount of verbal linguistics one has to do to avoid being labelled as racist and how ignorant/naive some people are being in not stating why this could cause real issues for this young girl.

Surely she is respecting the fact that in some cultures then yes the father is the determining factor in this.

Religion, women having to cover up (and all the rest that goes with the whole thing) is obviously (to me) a pile of utter crap used to frighten and control people for millennia.
BUT - it is not that little girl's job to fight those battles and show 'the men' how utterly misogynistic it all is.
There were possibly consequences for the girl in doing an innocent thing.
OP didn't know for sure, but erred on the side of caution, as a caring act of protection.
So well done, OP, you did excactly the right thing 👍 👏 👏 👏

@OP- personally I would have talked to my son about what this could have meant for this young girl. I would have also had a conversation about consent and why he felt the need to see something others hadn’t.

This isn't a true story. You're just stirring here OP. Give it a rest.

Really doubt this girl would have been allowed to come over for a play date with an unrelated boy.

Very well said.

I think you handled it well.

In this week's addition of things that are iffy on MN.

@examworries2026

Exactly. Im calling this story BS.

What you did was fine, what I have an issue with is the new to create a thread on mumsnet because your 10 year old was upset and moody. Surely you can handle that?

I think you were being very culturally sensitive, OP. Well done! If the girl's parents wanted boys to see her hair, she wouldn't be wearing a headscarf. It's better to be safe instead of sorry. Some Muslim parents can be very strict, and she could potentially have got into trouble (because you just know if would have got back to them), and they might have been very unhappy with you, too. They might have stopped her from playing at yours, which wouldn't exactly be good for the diversity of the friend group.

Another day an another thread with ‘Muslim’ in the title to incite hate and invite vitriol against Muslims. Sigh. Mumsnet won’t take this down but will take other random stuff about pushchairs and boomers.

This.Your ‘no sweetie’ was so patronising.

Especially as you didn’t even know why you were stopping her.

Calm down, dear! They are Muslim, and their ways are not our ways. Live and let live. Our white Western ways are not necessarily the best; we just think they are.

When you consider the amount of leering and sexual comments and downright attacks on women from men in our society, I sometimes wonder if Muslim women have cracked it, in covering themselves from the eyes of all the many, many pervs. Yes, I know men should be better. How's that coming along?

Then there's the fact that some Muslims might find meaning in following the command of their god and covering their hair.

We are not from their culture and we do not understand.

So the op is just being another controlling adult with all the others in this poor child's life going by that thinking

Jfc. Ten year old says ‘can I see your hair?’ Not. ‘Can I see your tits’

Fine, explain the nuance…let it be a teaching moment… but to be disappointed?! Ridiculous!