AIBU for stopping a nice Muslim girl from showing my son her hair?

[BeSpoonyRedCat]

It was on Monday after school, 10 year old DS, a very traditional 10 year old Muslim girl, and another 10 year old girl from my son's school were in the living room.

DS asked to see the Muslim girl's hair and she was actually about to show him. I stopped her, nothing dramatic. I basically said no sweetie, don't do that. I wasn't loud. Both girls looked like they wanted to laugh while my son looked annoyed. After I finished dropping the girls home, my son was all moody.

Yesterday he was still moody and I asked why he's upset. He basically explained that the Muslim girl doesn't show any other kid her hair. I said there's a reason for that. And I'm thankful my son didn't ask me the reason because I actually don't know.

From my perspective, I was being a responsible adult with my son and 2 girls under my supervision. I don't know the ramifications of that little girl showing my son her hair. I don't know if her parents would have been upset with her. I don't know if her parents would have banned my son from being friends with her. But I'm still wondering if I was dramatic.

Am I being unreasonable?

If it's her cultural norm, then it's not for you to judge.

Hmm. A bit surprising that she’s covering her hair so young-but you were right to approach this with caution. I mean-you wouldn’t feed a culturally vegetarian child meat, would you?

From what?

Freedom of choice?

Don't worry, her parents are already doing that.

She could have been in trouble with her parents if she’d done it, so I think you did the right thing OP. She could always ask her parents if it’s ok and show him next time they play. Whether we agree with it or not, it isn’t our place to force our views onto 10 year olds from other cultures.

Would you give a visiting vegetarian child meat?

A 'nice' Muslim girl? Could you read that comment again, please?

No, we didn't used to judge arranged/forced marriage and FGM because that was their culture. And in the past we didn't oppose sati, because that was a cultural practice.

I’m not religious and I wouldn’t even let my 10 year old girl go to a 10 year olds boys house without my being present and a ban on going upstairs.
I’m confused as to why they’d let her, since they’re strict enough that she’s wearing a head covering. It makes me think parents aren’t into it, or the girl has learnt about being Muslim at school and decided to give it a whirl?

As if this actually happened.. Ridiculous threads on here.

There are two different things at play here and lots of posters are conflating them.
The first is whether or not women and girls should feel the need to cover their hair for religious reasons. Personally I think no but they do.
The second is whether or not OPs son was ok to ask her to remove her head covering, the answer to that is also no. I live in an area with an orthodox Jewish community and it wouldn't be appropriate to ask a male to remove his kippah/yarmulke.
It's not OPs job to overrule the parents of a ten year old unless the child is in danger. You'll see other threads where MILs are castigated for giving DC sweets against the wishes of parents but suddenly it's ok for OP to stand back and knowingly allow a child to go against the religious wishes of her parents.

The only thing I would've done differently OP is to challenge your son and not the girl. DS do not ask anyone to remove a religious covering. They are worn for reasons that align with people's faith.

Also agree with comments about how it’s bullshit a young girl (or older girl, or woman) has to cover her hair incase a boy or man is tempted be her. I think if they live in Britain, girls should be protected from this misogynistic crap. I don’t really care if it’s misogyny on religious or cultural grounds really, I’m against it across the board, do people who think it is ok think FGM is ok on these grounds?

You did the right thing. He knows now not to ask girls to remove parts of their clothing. She knows she doesn’t have to show parts of her body because she’s asked. Peoples reactions are just because it’s a head scarf.

If they asked for it, then yes.

Because if they are asking then that means they are being forced by parents. They have no intrinsic motivation or reasoning for it, and no personal choice in the matter, or they would not want to do/have it.

Isnt it up t the child what they want to eat, and no I would not feed peanuts to a chils allergic but I would them them choose same as my child could choose at someone else's place

This is a very strange place to ask this question. If you want to find out what is acceptable for a 10 year old Muslim girl, do some research in your local Muslim community.

Why would you do that? It's not up to you at all, it's up to her.

why are you even asking if you’ve made up your mind? this isn’t an aibu. virtue signalling

I was thinking the same thing. Wearing a head covering at that age and allowed to go to a non Muslim house to play with a boy?? Very, very unusual

The enforcers of misogyny are so often women. Slow handclap for the OP for joining their ranks.

Oh well that's perfectly normal, not something child services should look into at all...

This is exactly what I’m thinking.

Very fishy.

Some of them scream ‘there are elections coming up’.

And you’re so proud of yourself for stopping a 10-year-old from showing her hair that you felt the need to share it with everyone. I’d be more impressed if you questioned why a child that age is expected to cover it in the first place.

Are you a Muslim?

Imply all Muslims are violent child beaters? Or that showing her hair imperils her soul? Racist or sexist