HolyCheeses and Mary… the spreadsheet, the bullshit bingo and the aftermath. Part deux

[HolyCheeses]

Was asked to start a thread.

started a thread.

Actually op, you should be very insulted as he obviously didn't think much of your intelligence to think he could get this past you! Be interesting to ask him if he thinks you're thick if thought he could get away with this, and see what he says!?

@HolyCheeses we all have a lot of questions about the bills, but can you please ask him how he came up with a figure of £1400 for food? I am dying to know how anyone could spend that much on food in one month.

Also have you asked him why he's asking you to pay half of the bills when there would be 4 of you living there?

UCM ?

AnneKipanki… it’s been a while since I’ve seen you around! Soon after Covid, I think. Hope you are well.

Sent a PM @PrizedPickledPopcorn

well, finally we are allowed to say this openly and with joy

I am not sure 3000 and slightly above is quite right....so the mortgage is 700, this is not a big mortgage for a mansion. I pay this on a maisonette in the SE

1400 for food for 4 people - this kind of makes sense if you have specific dietary requirements or are plain greedy .....

The “feeding of the 5000” competition on previous thread made me smile 🙂. As if we are all the same. Some people happily live on Richmond sausages and baked beans. I live alone and spend the best part of £100 per week on groceries 🤷‍♀️.

Includes food, a couple of bottles of the finest wines known to humanity, and naturally 🐱 food.

This is my take:
his parents are paying half the mortgage
you are paying the other half
hes getting you to over pay bills
he definitely has you earmarked as a carer.
I wonder what he’s said to his parents about you? Oh she can’t wait to be with us she of course she won’t mind taking you to appointments.
Does he honestly think you are that stupid you’d take all of this on so easily?!

I appreciate your comment. Our family spends a lot, honestly a lot on food for 3 people but we have someone with dietary requirements and fixation on specific brands. But however this seems not to be the case with the OP who lives down to earth and is being gaslit to go and provide for another 3 adults which is not her job

Taken in the round, having been on MN for over fifteen years, from this forum alone, I think men suck shitty arse. I know NAMALT but oofe. The depths some of them will sink to. The level of assuming the women in their lives are as thick as and the skeevery, assholery and fuckwittery is bloody shocking.

There is no world in which what this man is expecting is acceptable but it's guaranteed that he will try and guilt trip OP into thinking she is missing a golden opportunity blardy blar.

I'm not sure he thinks she's stupid so much as he assumes that, as a woman, she naturally puts everyone else's desires above her own and would be happy to destroy herself if it made him happy. It's not that he thinks she's too thick to see it as much as he just thinks it's her place to accept it and she would agree, because it suits him and what else matters?

People who try to coerce women into stuff like this rarely tell them they'd be clever to do it, but they will call on things like "be compassionate" or "don't be selfish" or "how could you?". Essentially an admission that they know it's not in their interests, and that they know the women know it too.

As another poster has said, as women we tend to be worried about being seen as 'gold diggers' so we often bend over backwards to prove that we are not, to the point that we will end up funding someone else's lavish lifestyle to the detriment of our own.
This man is capitalising on this.

Historically women are groomed to think they should just go in and take a man's offer to cohabit < hence the marriage institution is sooooo important to be kept as a legal protection > and never earn any money, but put an apron on and stand in the kitchen all day and wait with aromatic dishes for him to come back from wherever, looking gorgeous and after dinner just open their legs for the man, asking for nothing but keeping quiet. Men still think this is how women believe life is and I find this seriously offensive, even as a woman coming from a poorer, more traditionalist type of country

The offensive part is for me, that now men are finding women are very capable of earning good money, so just give it to them and keep being this small sexy cook but keep quiet

OK I'm now invested in this but is there a previous thread which someone can link to

Following for the next development

Whilst deeply sorry for the absolute ass hat of a human you've encountered, OP, please may I thank you for the phenomenal enjoyment you've shared by allowing us to anticipate his displeasure. I personally hope he drops down stone dead with rage.

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/5519210-aibu-to-refuse-moving-in-if-asked-to-pay-half-his-mortgage?utm_campaign=thread&utm_medium=app_share

I actually think you need to tell him, even if you have to do it over a phone call if you're not going to see him before next week.

Why?

So that us on MN can get the next instalment quicker!

I doubt that he had even really thought of a serious spreadsheet, he probably thought the OP will send away all her future income into a joint account and he would just dip in there as his needs are....and when she requested more info, he could jumbled this one

he thought she would just send away all her money to him aka shared joint account and there you go, 4000 pounds on top of his income, that is a lot, isn't it...and why she would not do it....he has a whole mansion hey for her to come in and live in LOL...and if a man thinks in such a way, I am despairing of the men in this country

If he's going to keep making financial decisions and commitments this week based on assuming OP will play along, then it may be advisable to let him know sooner rather than later.