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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

HolyCheeses and Mary… the spreadsheet, the bullshit bingo and the aftermath. Part deux

340 replies

HolyCheeses · 22/04/2026 17:36

Was asked to start a thread.

started a thread.

OP posts:
BeFunnyBiscuit · 22/04/2026 21:46

DuckyDolittle · 22/04/2026 21:41

BB: ok i can see the money is all you care about, so we can split everything 40:60 (i.e., better but not exactly the right percentages) then
Wow, you really just want me to fund your life? Gold digger.

no, it goes further: wow, but you want a marriage, a legal protection for your old years, to be on the deeds, to be in my will and be accepted as my dear wife.....who knew that women felt entitled to all this .../ never mind really that this is what a normal man would do who cared for a woman for real

22YearsAndCounting · 22/04/2026 21:58

@HolyCheeses Is that you UCM? Ahhh those were the days!!

CaroleSP · 22/04/2026 22:05

outerspacepotato · 22/04/2026 21:33

I'm still stuck on the £700 a month for food after splitting the cost. How many fridges or freezers is he planning to have?

I guess this includes all his parents' food as well? After all she'll be expected to cook for them too as it's as easy to cook for 4 as 2 isn't it?

Notkatie · 22/04/2026 22:14

Only here for spreadsheets analysis

cantthinkofagoodusername1 · 22/04/2026 22:16

‘It’s always about money with you, isn’t it?’
’I was going to dump you next week anyway.’
’You’ll never get anyone as good as me again.’
’I hope you’ll be happy all alone in your house with only your cats and wine for company.’ (FTR being alone with cats and wine sounds amazing!)

cantthinkofagoodusername1 · 22/04/2026 22:41

CaroleSP · 22/04/2026 22:05

I guess this includes all his parents' food as well? After all she'll be expected to cook for them too as it's as easy to cook for 4 as 2 isn't it?

Which makes me wonder why OP was being asked to pay half the bills and not one quarter? There would be four people in the house after all.

MachineBee · 22/04/2026 22:56

OVienna · 22/04/2026 20:54

So, I get it now. He reckons he's found a carer for his parents who also pays his mortgage.

Get rid of this turd, please.

He's in pole position for Twat of the Year 2026. @hebemumsnet could we not have a place to move threads during the course of the year - a bit like classics - which we can then vote on who wins in each of several CF categories?

Excellent idea - Twat of the Year - for voting on!

MrsElijahMikaelson1 · 22/04/2026 23:16

Mainly checking in to hear his response now; stay strong OP

TheAutumnCrow · 22/04/2026 23:44

@HolyCheeses, so what I think is possibly going on is a workaround on Mr Pre-nup's part whereby he's over-inflating the living costs and you'll not be paying into his mortgage at all, thus eradicating any future claim on his house you might have if you split up. (You've already confirmed he says it's a small mortgage, a ?remortgage for renovations.)

This is the spreadsheet so far:

food £1,400
cleaner £200 per month
council tax £150 £300 per month [you amended this]
sky £180
home insurance £100
dog walking £260
sewer waste water £30
boiler type coverage £30
garden maintenance £50
Total of above = £2,550

You said the total was approx £3,020 from memory.

We need to add in also for this large house the following (and these are conservative guesses):

energy costs (gas, electricity) circa £250
water costs (meter or set bill) circa 40
vet insurance and costs for dogs circa £50
cars / travel costs circa £200 minimum
All other stuff

The total's already way over £3,020. It's £3,090 and rising.

This means he doesn't (can't) actually have a mortgage on this house. I think he's going to take your money as a monthly bank transfer though, and make a 'profit' on it, so to speak, while letting you think you're paying into the mortgage and building up your ability to make a proportional future claim.

The alternative is that he has an even more bonkers scheme going on, or he's an idiot. But it all sounds mega dodgy and I'm glad you're out.

TwistedWonder · 22/04/2026 23:52

CautiousLurker2 · 22/04/2026 19:12

WhoTF has voted OP is unreasonable??!! Mind blown…

My money is on shuggles

Mummyoflittledragon · 23/04/2026 04:11

TheAutumnCrow · 22/04/2026 23:44

@HolyCheeses, so what I think is possibly going on is a workaround on Mr Pre-nup's part whereby he's over-inflating the living costs and you'll not be paying into his mortgage at all, thus eradicating any future claim on his house you might have if you split up. (You've already confirmed he says it's a small mortgage, a ?remortgage for renovations.)

This is the spreadsheet so far:

food £1,400
cleaner £200 per month
council tax £150 £300 per month [you amended this]
sky £180
home insurance £100
dog walking £260
sewer waste water £30
boiler type coverage £30
garden maintenance £50
Total of above = £2,550

You said the total was approx £3,020 from memory.

We need to add in also for this large house the following (and these are conservative guesses):

energy costs (gas, electricity) circa £250
water costs (meter or set bill) circa 40
vet insurance and costs for dogs circa £50
cars / travel costs circa £200 minimum
All other stuff

The total's already way over £3,020. It's £3,090 and rising.

This means he doesn't (can't) actually have a mortgage on this house. I think he's going to take your money as a monthly bank transfer though, and make a 'profit' on it, so to speak, while letting you think you're paying into the mortgage and building up your ability to make a proportional future claim.

The alternative is that he has an even more bonkers scheme going on, or he's an idiot. But it all sounds mega dodgy and I'm glad you're out.

Didn’t OP say about £700 for the mortgage?

Pipsquiggle · 23/04/2026 05:42

Personally I don't mind a spreadsheet. In fact I think it's pretty sensible to budget around big projects and expenditures.

It's his clueless expectations that are insane:
You are just going to pay 50/50 when he earns a lot more.
That you will put yourself in personal financial jeopardy with no legal protection
That you will relocate.
That you will be a carer to his mum.....

Elanol · 23/04/2026 07:16

In a world of box set binging we've been transported back to simpler times. We are going to have to wait for next week's instalment to find out what happens.

This will test our patience. Arghh 😂

VickyEadieofThigh · 23/04/2026 08:18

cantthinkofagoodusername1 · 22/04/2026 22:41

Which makes me wonder why OP was being asked to pay half the bills and not one quarter? There would be four people in the house after all.

You're still wondering? He's a feckin' CF grifter!

cantthinkofagoodusername1 · 23/04/2026 08:19

VickyEadieofThigh · 23/04/2026 08:18

You're still wondering? He's a feckin' CF grifter!

Yeah I know! I still can't believe it though. He is a gold digger and a labour digger of the highest order.

Silverbirchleaf · 23/04/2026 09:25

TheAutumnCrow · 22/04/2026 23:44

@HolyCheeses, so what I think is possibly going on is a workaround on Mr Pre-nup's part whereby he's over-inflating the living costs and you'll not be paying into his mortgage at all, thus eradicating any future claim on his house you might have if you split up. (You've already confirmed he says it's a small mortgage, a ?remortgage for renovations.)

This is the spreadsheet so far:

food £1,400
cleaner £200 per month
council tax £150 £300 per month [you amended this]
sky £180
home insurance £100
dog walking £260
sewer waste water £30
boiler type coverage £30
garden maintenance £50
Total of above = £2,550

You said the total was approx £3,020 from memory.

We need to add in also for this large house the following (and these are conservative guesses):

energy costs (gas, electricity) circa £250
water costs (meter or set bill) circa 40
vet insurance and costs for dogs circa £50
cars / travel costs circa £200 minimum
All other stuff

The total's already way over £3,020. It's £3,090 and rising.

This means he doesn't (can't) actually have a mortgage on this house. I think he's going to take your money as a monthly bank transfer though, and make a 'profit' on it, so to speak, while letting you think you're paying into the mortgage and building up your ability to make a proportional future claim.

The alternative is that he has an even more bonkers scheme going on, or he's an idiot. But it all sounds mega dodgy and I'm glad you're out.

I also wondered whether he was taking money for bills etc, to stealthily cover the cost of his mortgage. There’s an excellent post on this thread that says if you contribute to the mortgage, you don’t actually have any rights to the house if you’re not on the deeds. Unless you pay directly to the mortgage provide, you’re effectively just transferring a lump sum to your partners account each month.

There's another thread running whereby the (childless) dp resented op’s adult daughter calling in with some friends for under half an hour. That could easily happen here, if dp doesn’t have any relationship with dcs children, which I suspect is unlikely as she lives away from

Wonder how many times do travelled to her abode? I suspect she did all the running, as he was renovating his house etc…

cantthinkofagoodusername1 · 23/04/2026 10:45

As a PP said, this is like the old days of having to wait for the next episode of our favourite telly show! I am so invested in this!

dramalessllama · 23/04/2026 11:07

cantthinkofagoodusername1 · 22/04/2026 22:16

‘It’s always about money with you, isn’t it?’
’I was going to dump you next week anyway.’
’You’ll never get anyone as good as me again.’
’I hope you’ll be happy all alone in your house with only your cats and wine for company.’ (FTR being alone with cats and wine sounds amazing!)

Can confirm: cats and wine IS amazing! :)

GoldEllie · 23/04/2026 11:09

I think there can only be 3 likely responses :

  1. Well I can reduce your share (bit unlikely due to pride - and looking like a dodgy secondhand car-dealer).
  2. Meh, philosophical, your loss
  3. Irritation, anger, after all that I’ve done blah de blah (forgetting your considerable contribution so far, naturally ).

I wonder which it will be?

Elanol · 23/04/2026 11:25

GoldEllie · 23/04/2026 11:09

I think there can only be 3 likely responses :

  1. Well I can reduce your share (bit unlikely due to pride - and looking like a dodgy secondhand car-dealer).
  2. Meh, philosophical, your loss
  3. Irritation, anger, after all that I’ve done blah de blah (forgetting your considerable contribution so far, naturally ).

I wonder which it will be?

Edited

It's possible he might go with a reduction.

I said on the last thread that I've been presented with a spreadsheet in the past. It included the cost of his car and his child maintenance.

As with OP it was more than the cost to live alone.

In a desperate attempt he said I could live there for free. I didn't trust him. I anticipated the costs to be introduced after I'd been lured in. He'd been more than happy to fleece me to begin with. He'd shown his true colours.

I still have my own little oasis and he fucked off and found another mug who moved in after five minutes.

ThatCyanCat · 23/04/2026 11:32

It'll be quite something if he does indeed accuse you of gold digging...

But it doesn't matter. Too many women allow themselves to be absolutely dessicated lest some vampiric twat accuse them of gold digging, usually one who, as the saying goes, ain't got shit.

MinnieGirl · 23/04/2026 11:58

HolyCheeses · 22/04/2026 19:34

Yes big time. Although most of the messages are asking for decisions regarding design etc
Im sending occasional messages

Don’t want to dump by text doesn’t sit right with me.

I would think carefully how you respond when he’s asking for decisions regarding design etc. I would start saying well it’s your house so it really needs to be your decision. Because it is his house, he just wants you to subsidise it…

cantthinkofagoodusername1 · 23/04/2026 12:06

BeFunnyBiscuit · 22/04/2026 20:58

He pre-planned a lot of food buying OP. I guess you are a great cook. Otherwise who would be in the kitchen dicing, slicing, prepping, cooking and dishing out all these tons of foods

The £1400 worth of food! I'd love to know what he eats! The elderly parents likely eat like sparrows so it's safe to say that most of that £1400 of food would be for 2 people.

HolyCheeses · 23/04/2026 12:30

MinnieGirl · 23/04/2026 11:58

I would think carefully how you respond when he’s asking for decisions regarding design etc. I would start saying well it’s your house so it really needs to be your decision. Because it is his house, he just wants you to subsidise it…

I have been very careful

and presented choices always

OP posts:
Seriestwo · 23/04/2026 12:45

I’d be tempted to make some
bloody awful decorating suggestions. But im
petty.