Well am I? My ex is an absolute arse.

[Mostlywilliow]

My ex is still outraged that I divorced him and then later met someone else AND kept the house AND am much happier. He is a study of coercive control and finally left when the police removed him.
The kids are 17, 16, 15 and he refuses to communicate with me at all about when he is seeing them. Doesn’t attend anything school or education related ever ever and pays just under the bare minimum CSA amount despite being on £150k conservatively. You get the picture. He’s moved an hour away by car.

I booked a holiday well over a year ago, before the term dates came out and got an amazing price because of the Early Bird element and a clause that said absolutely no changes, refunds, postponements, nothing.

Turns out the kids are in school that week so rather than lose the fortune it cost to book this for me and my partner, I have booked a DBS nanny/babysitter who has minded them before, to move in for the week.

This is apparently disgusting, awful, I’m a terrible selfish parent, etc all relaid via DC3 direct from his dad. He’s also started making what I consider to be vexatious complaints to social care, about whether I’m feeding them junk or home cooked food, why they get the bus to school (2 miles) instead of me driving them, why I redecorated one of the kids’ rooms as a surprise (which to be fair he hated), and now this. Apparently the kids are too young to be left with a “stranger” and are very upset and I should cancel. He won’t EVER tell me when he’s having the kids so I can’t plan things usually. I know he’s being utterly unreasonable by interfering in this way but he’s managed to upset the kids who are now complaining non stop about how they don’t want to be looked after by anyone. And yet if I left them home alone, which I wouldn’t do, that would be wrong too. Fed up.

Not just reading comprehension, total lack of critical thinking skills, common sense, I could go on…

Totally.

She's not the ridiculous one!

Thank god your kids are nearly grown up. He sounds like such a pissybaby crybaby bitch

A remarkably accurate pen portrait there!

Don't engage. Thumbs up emoji, ignore, move on. Will enrage him even more vs responding and getting into it with him.

If your conscience were clear, you wouldn't be posting would you? You just want people to clear your conscience and you sound a bit miffed they haven't all done that.

Having seen your updates that they were never meant to be going with you I say fair enough.
Nothing wrong with a child free holiday, especially when they’re teenagers.
I did initially think that having a babysitter for teenagers is a little odd but to be fair if I’d have family staying with or at least frequently popping in on mine in the same circumstances so I can see why having a minder makes sense if you don’t have family that’s nearby or able to keep an eye.

Mumsnet is absolutely batshit at times.

Aside from the posters who can’t read and think your children were meant to be coming with you and you’ve just fucked them off so you can go with your partner, the nasty and frankly misogynistic bullshit some posters are spouting is unbelievable.

OP, go on holiday and have a wonderful time. Your ex is a twat and your teens will be absolutely fine for a week with a sitter.

Very surprised by the dramatics on this thead - you'd think your children were 2, 5 and 6. There must some seriously babyfied teenagers out there.

Back to your ex - you are giving him too much rent-free space in your head. Let go and enjoy your holiday.

Isn't it just!
Even more amusing is when they're called out on their pitiful reading comprehension, they start backtracking with mealy-mouthed platitudes 🙄
OP, hope you have a great holiday.

What a smug and spiteful post.

Haven't rtft but I've read your responses. My parents went away on holiday when I was a young teenager and I spent the week being looked after by my auntie. Had a great time, and was really happy for them enjoying a holiday I had no interest in.
Your ex sounds like a dick and I hope you have a lovely holiday.

The 15yo needs to catch himself on

As to the head tilting “oh….i just like to spend every second with my little ones….we’ve got LegoLand booked plus we are all going to Ibiza after A-levels and dc1 is allowed to invite one friend and I’ve said he’s allowed a cider on the last night” posters.

Normal people are away from teens sometimes. People work, go away with friends, go away with new partners, go to funerals and weddings, go and provide care for parents etc. I’ve been away on holiday for 3-4 nights 4 times in the last 6 years plus stayed with my mum probably 20 times in the same period for several nights due to her health needs. Plus I work long days so I’m out all the bloody time! My kids don’t feel abandoned and they go away without me. If one of their mates asked them to go camping for a few days I wouldn’t expect them to say “I think I should spend all my free time with my mum”.

The problem some people have is the OP is going to be having sex in warm weather. If she was having a colonoscopy everyone would think the kids would be fine.

Why not read what OPO said? The person has minded them before.

Oh how could you OP, you’re ruining their childhood with a week away in their teens. All those years down the drain, education for nothing, they’ll be traumatised for life now.

Have a fantastic time, enjoy the knowledge your Ex is as bitter as he deserves to be, and perhaps now is a good time for a gentle chat with the kids about reality re: their wonderful father.

People like him thrive off reactions. So don't give him one. Don't say a word about it or just a simple "ok then". Even if you're burning with rage do not give him a reaction.

Good Jesus Christ everyone is batshit.

I see literally nothing wrong with what you are doing, for what it’s worth.

This thread is absolutely batshit. Full of odd, saintly snowflakes (and some normal people, thank god).

The most ridiculous one was the poster who repeatedly yammered about 'supporting your children through school'. What in the hell. Yes, OP, you're condemning your kids to a life on benefits by going on this inexcusably irresponsible Mediterranean jaunt. And for A WHOLE WEEK! Omg, the absolute horror!

You're doing NOTHING wrong, OP. Not a thing. Your holiday plan seems grand. Teens will cope just fine, jesus christ, you're not leaving them in the tundra to fend for themselves. I'd query the babysitter bit, at their ages they're perfectly fine being left alone. But if you're worried about parties, then fair enough.

As for Mr. Whiny Bitch Daddy, if he's so worried, then he can take HIS kids himself, or shut it.

The only unreasonable bit in all of your posts was redecorating one of your child's room as a surprise. Many people would hate that. But it's not the end of the world; we all make mistakes.

Have a great holiday!

The problem some people have is the OP is going to be having sex in warm weather. If she was having a colonoscopy everyone would think the kids would be fine.

Actually that’s it. 100%. I, my partner and my vagina will be having a lovely time. Hurrah!

Neither of you sound great parents to be honest.

Christ. Give it a rest.

Alright, dont fucking rub it in ..... so to speak 😉😅

Sometimes I wish munsnet made you read all the posts from the OP before you reply!

OP, they'll all live. If your ex actually cared, he'd take time off to have then and facilitate getting them to school rather than just bitch. He knows they will cope fine, it's just a tool to cause you grief.

Yes the ex is an arse. I’m waiting to hear where you think I could be doing better…