Well am I? My ex is an absolute arse.

[Mostlywilliow]

My ex is still outraged that I divorced him and then later met someone else AND kept the house AND am much happier. He is a study of coercive control and finally left when the police removed him.
The kids are 17, 16, 15 and he refuses to communicate with me at all about when he is seeing them. Doesn’t attend anything school or education related ever ever and pays just under the bare minimum CSA amount despite being on £150k conservatively. You get the picture. He’s moved an hour away by car.

I booked a holiday well over a year ago, before the term dates came out and got an amazing price because of the Early Bird element and a clause that said absolutely no changes, refunds, postponements, nothing.

Turns out the kids are in school that week so rather than lose the fortune it cost to book this for me and my partner, I have booked a DBS nanny/babysitter who has minded them before, to move in for the week.

This is apparently disgusting, awful, I’m a terrible selfish parent, etc all relaid via DC3 direct from his dad. He’s also started making what I consider to be vexatious complaints to social care, about whether I’m feeding them junk or home cooked food, why they get the bus to school (2 miles) instead of me driving them, why I redecorated one of the kids’ rooms as a surprise (which to be fair he hated), and now this. Apparently the kids are too young to be left with a “stranger” and are very upset and I should cancel. He won’t EVER tell me when he’s having the kids so I can’t plan things usually. I know he’s being utterly unreasonable by interfering in this way but he’s managed to upset the kids who are now complaining non stop about how they don’t want to be looked after by anyone. And yet if I left them home alone, which I wouldn’t do, that would be wrong too. Fed up.

Three teenage boys definitely don't want to join mum and her boyfriend on a quiet holiday where WiFi and game consoles don't exist for a week. Neither does mum want to leave those three teen lads home alone knowing they'll probably cook up and idea of some kind of house party either. So she's sorted out a responsibile adult to make sure those ideas don't happen. Not sure where she's a bad parent. Unless that self absorbed useless father fancies pulling his finger out his arse and actually being a parent to his kids for one week out of the year but I bet he won't all while he's slagging off his ex for taking a break for once

I am going to have to leave this thread because the FUCKING LACK OF READING SKILLS IS DOING MY HEAD IN

THE TEENAGERS WERE NEVER EVER EVER SUPPOSED TO GO ON THE HOLIDAY FOR FUCKS SAKE

Going to have a lie down in a dark room with a flannel on my face

My phone doesn't load see all and I replied saying assuming because I didn't know.
I'd rather look like an idiot than a bitch tbf though 🤷

As a fellow parent who had the kids full time because of a useless ex I hope you hop skip and jump straight into an airport lounge to indulge before your trip!

So many people still not reading the teen were never going.

Anyway I just checked in with my 17 year old. Very disgusted at the thought of coming camping so home alone he shall be… do I report my self to ss now or later 😅😅

You must be exhausted reading all these batshit replies. Do you think they are all bots? Have a great time.

Your kids really know how to wind you up don’t they @Mostlywilliow . They’d obviously know that sending their dad a video of your fridge contents and telling you what he supposedly said would raise your blood pressure through the roof!

Having read all the batshit replies off women who probably still have their 30 year olds in rear facing car seats …. I feel like paying for an airport lounge for you 🥰

I love telling this story as it reminds me of the time my friends twat of an ex had his arse handed to him by social services!

My friend was a single mum to 4 children, although the oldest was busy being a 17 year old and out most evenings.

Friend worked nights. The next oldest was a 14 year old girl. Then a 13 year old boy and a 8-10 year old boy (can't remember his exact age).

Her twat of an ex decided the 14 year old was too young to be babysitting her younger brothers while Mum went out to work to earn money to,you know, feed, clothe and house them.... in the absolute absence of maintenance from Twat!

He reported her to SS, telling them that he was concerned, as the children's Father! SS asked him if he was going to look after them while she worked. Of course not. Would ge maybe pay maintenance, so she wouldn't have to work so much.... of course not.

They then pointed out if he wasn't prepared to do anything to help the situation, he couldn't be that concerned and neither were they!

Fucking hell.

Thr kids were never going. I booked it before the term dates came out. They are at private school so not on the council website.

Ah ok very confusing 🙄 I get it now! So OP just wants us to know how horrible her ex is! Just ask kids if they need the nanny or not,OR if possible ask a friend/family member/neighbour to check on them

Mental to hire a babysitter for kids that age IMO, but YANBU about their dad.

Don't cancel the holiday. You're allowed to have a life of your own.

I am only surprised that no one has yet suggested you grate your own cheese.

IYKYK!

You need a holiday OP 😂

Pretty please share details of who you booked through OP. Your holiday sounds amazing.

So not to social care but rather got this solicitor to write to you?

He’s also started making what I consider to be vexatious complaints to social care, about whether I’m feeding them junk or home cooked food, why they get the bus to school (2 miles) instead of me driving them, why I redecorated one of the kids’ rooms as a surprise

When I was a teen of 14 and my sisters were 15 and 16 ,back in the 70s, we were left alone while on holiday on the Med while my father went on a business trip for two weeks to London.
We survived it in spite of horrendous sun burns, my sisters waltzing out every night to go racing about on the local lads’ mopeds and I rather dramatically had appendicitis and had to get a taxi to hospital to have it removed.
I think these three lads in their own home with a responsible adult living in, and going about their normal daily activities will be absolutely fine.
Have a lovely holiday OP and please don’t give your arse of an ex any rent free space in your head at all, not for a single minute.

I'd call it 'holding the fort'.
I wouldn't relax if I left 3 teenagers at home while I was on holiday.

I’ve done this with my abusive ex. There is a BIG reward because it used to make me horribly anxious so now the more horrific his behaviour, the bigger the reward I get.

My teens would just go and stay with friends for a week. I can’t fathom their faces if o told them that I’d arranged for a DBS checked nanny to live with them for a week!

actually seen just private. Mine too and it offers flexi boarding…. Not an option presumably at your kids school?

We all do after this thread
in my opinion teaching children that adults can adult, that the world does not revolve around them, is really important
too many entitled adult babies around

OMG OP, I cant believe you're leaving your 3 toddlers in the care of a dogsitter you found on facebook while you trot off to Benidorm with a guy you've been dating for 3 days! Purely selfish behaviour.

(In all seriousness, hope you and your vagina have a great time!)

😂

More of a responsible adult in attendance than a babysitter. Absolutely the right move given the ages of the young teenagers.

Sorry, I would not leave your children home alone. They are not mature enough to be left for a week, things could rapidly fall apart. I feel that you should have booked this holiday out of term time and your ex husband should have had them but you have made a safe arrangement and quite frankly as long as this person checks out as safe SS will not be interested, neither will they get involved re your parenting. However if the children are subject to court orders and are on the child protection register then there may be regulations on where they stay and who they stay with. I would stick to uour guns and not be manipulated by this charmer. If he fails to honour his access arrangements and pay for his children he won't have much clout with SS anyway.