Well am I? My ex is an absolute arse.

[Mostlywilliow]

My ex is still outraged that I divorced him and then later met someone else AND kept the house AND am much happier. He is a study of coercive control and finally left when the police removed him.
The kids are 17, 16, 15 and he refuses to communicate with me at all about when he is seeing them. Doesn’t attend anything school or education related ever ever and pays just under the bare minimum CSA amount despite being on £150k conservatively. You get the picture. He’s moved an hour away by car.

I booked a holiday well over a year ago, before the term dates came out and got an amazing price because of the Early Bird element and a clause that said absolutely no changes, refunds, postponements, nothing.

Turns out the kids are in school that week so rather than lose the fortune it cost to book this for me and my partner, I have booked a DBS nanny/babysitter who has minded them before, to move in for the week.

This is apparently disgusting, awful, I’m a terrible selfish parent, etc all relaid via DC3 direct from his dad. He’s also started making what I consider to be vexatious complaints to social care, about whether I’m feeding them junk or home cooked food, why they get the bus to school (2 miles) instead of me driving them, why I redecorated one of the kids’ rooms as a surprise (which to be fair he hated), and now this. Apparently the kids are too young to be left with a “stranger” and are very upset and I should cancel. He won’t EVER tell me when he’s having the kids so I can’t plan things usually. I know he’s being utterly unreasonable by interfering in this way but he’s managed to upset the kids who are now complaining non stop about how they don’t want to be looked after by anyone. And yet if I left them home alone, which I wouldn’t do, that would be wrong too. Fed up.

Well!!! Yes ur ex is an ars* but that’s why he’s ur ex, but if u had booked to take the kids then surely you will still lose money? I would have paid the fine for taking them out of school? The issues with the ex mirror exactly like my ex, your kids are old enough to make arrangements with their dad themselves and when he lets them down directly he won’t have anyone to blame other than himself when they don’t want to see him, but given their ages it won’t be long until they are too busy to see him and will only see him for what they can get out of him!!

Oh please wont someone just cancel the cheque?!

But it wasn’t …..

I would just take them out of school for the week! It seems harsh that they will
miss out on the holiday. They will not miss anything essential. And your ex has absolutely no say ! Cf!

OMFG.

Jesus! How many posters will go on about what a shame it is to not bring the kids and telling OP to reschedule.

THE KIDS WERE NEVER SUPPOSED TO GO. IT WAS FOR OP AND HER PARTNER.

Hth

The holiday was only ever for OP and her partner. As has been confirmed repeatedly.

Like, ever?
They'll be moving out within a few years, one of them at least!
They'll be fine.
Such a weird thread. Half of you sound like three days post partum.

She didn't. It was only ever a holiday for two. It's all there if you care to read.

And you can say arse if you like.

My sister decided to boil an egg in the microwave. In the shell. At 20. Blew the door off the microwave.

My parents started going to mainland Europe for long weekends twice a year when I was 14 leaving me in charge of all primary and secondary aged siblings for 4 day weekends. Me plus 4 kids on average. Got to love 80's parenting!

The kids sound manipulated. Who takes photos of their mums fridge without the idea being drip fed....

NO IT WASN'T!!

READ THE OPs POSTS

What? Parents can’t be alone on vacation until their kids are grown?

That’s absurd.

OP, just to give you a different perspective, i moved out on my own at 16, didnt do me any harm, my mum didn't 'abandon' me like some posters are accusing you of doing (to your basically almost adult children.) You literally going for a week away and have absolute NERVE (and sense) to ensure they dont get into mischief, do themselves, eachother (or the house!) any damage!

I think the problem with your post, in my humble opinion, is that people are just shitty/ jelous your getting to go on holiday, that you actual want to go on, without your teenage kids!
I hope you have the best time!

THE KIDS WERE NEVER GOING ON THE TRIP

This thread has been the most infuriating thing to read.

I think the primary difficulty is that you are engaging, and he knows (perhaps) via the kids that he is getting to you.

Potentially the oldest will be 18 before the trip. And if he actually cared, he would be in your town every second evening to eat with them, and to make sure they are OK.

In a similar position I did get to the point of say something like “I don’t care what you think, you’re a buffoon, so sit down and shut up for a change. I divorced you not to listen to that absolute shite you talk.”

Really demonstrate you don’t care.

OP I don’t understand your post,did you book a holiday for you,DP and 3 kids thinking that it was school holidays and now kids can’t go because it’s not? This looks quite convenient to me but why can’t kids have a week off school unless their attendance is really bad? Can you just say they’re ill etc etc
I think the nanny situation depends on what your kids are like,some would be having parties,late nights,not go to school others would be arguing and fighting,some would be totally fine.Its a tricky one but mine wouldn’t like the invasion of privacy with having someone they didn’t know living in house for a week.
You sound quite smug when you say you got to keep the house but the usual procedure is house gets sold once youngest turns 18 unless other arrangements have been made.

Read the OPs updates

Filter for just the OP posts, she explains it all. She booked for just her and her partner, thinking the kids would go to the ex as it would be school holidays.

Sometimes I think mn is getting invaded by thickos who can't comprehend what they're reading. Or they are in that much of a rush to put op in the wrong they don't bother trying to understand, not that it's difficult.
Hope you have a lovely holiday op.

No idea where the OP lives but in my council area, term time dates for 2027-28 are out so its not hard to check them. I don't see why at their ages they can't stay on their own. Or just take a week off as assuming they were meant to go? The OP has already lost money if she's paid for 3 people no longer going!!

That said her ex is a twat

Most people do not understand what it is like to have to deal with the unwanted input of a vexatious ex who seeks out opportunities for trouble causing. Definately stick with the nanny so you are protected from the trouble he may cause otherwise if you left them alone. They are old enough in any normal circumstance. But having Mr V for Vendetta in the background looking for ways to cause trouble by weaponising your children means you are wise to go above and beyond to protect yourself.

Christ this thread is a hard read.

OP, I am sure you already know this. But no, you aren't a bad parent for daring to have a holiday without your almost adult children. I honestly don't get the mentality of, "you can never ever enjoy any moment unless you have included your children in it, and if you do there must be something wrong with you". It's not like they're primary school aged!

I can get why maybe they don't want a babysitter, but I also get why they have to have one.

And yes your ex is a twat. Have a great time ✈️

If you read ops posts it will save you looking like an idiot.
The children go to private school. They were never going on the holiday and op has explained multiple times why she doesn't want to leave them alone. The ex being a trouble causing twat is one of the reasons.

I think people are nuts to be blaming you or suggesting you are a bad parent. That is insane. Your children are not babies. You are allowed a life. It’s so weird how single parents seem to have to have zero life of their own to pass the good parenting test. Ignore the haters. Have your holiday. Hire the help. Tell your kids you deserve to have a life. It’ll do them good. Kids also need to learn parents are people and need and deserve a break.