Well am I? My ex is an absolute arse.

[Mostlywilliow]

My ex is still outraged that I divorced him and then later met someone else AND kept the house AND am much happier. He is a study of coercive control and finally left when the police removed him.
The kids are 17, 16, 15 and he refuses to communicate with me at all about when he is seeing them. Doesn’t attend anything school or education related ever ever and pays just under the bare minimum CSA amount despite being on £150k conservatively. You get the picture. He’s moved an hour away by car.

I booked a holiday well over a year ago, before the term dates came out and got an amazing price because of the Early Bird element and a clause that said absolutely no changes, refunds, postponements, nothing.

Turns out the kids are in school that week so rather than lose the fortune it cost to book this for me and my partner, I have booked a DBS nanny/babysitter who has minded them before, to move in for the week.

This is apparently disgusting, awful, I’m a terrible selfish parent, etc all relaid via DC3 direct from his dad. He’s also started making what I consider to be vexatious complaints to social care, about whether I’m feeding them junk or home cooked food, why they get the bus to school (2 miles) instead of me driving them, why I redecorated one of the kids’ rooms as a surprise (which to be fair he hated), and now this. Apparently the kids are too young to be left with a “stranger” and are very upset and I should cancel. He won’t EVER tell me when he’s having the kids so I can’t plan things usually. I know he’s being utterly unreasonable by interfering in this way but he’s managed to upset the kids who are now complaining non stop about how they don’t want to be looked after by anyone. And yet if I left them home alone, which I wouldn’t do, that would be wrong too. Fed up.

"received feedback to the degree it won't ever happen again" 😆

Would I be right to translate that as "the biggest bollocking of his life thus far"?!

I’m pissing my pants at the batshit comments on this thread

I’ve done same got a babysitter in for my teens.

enjoy your break and ignore ex.

my go to, was my house my rules. Dads house his rules.

YANBU

Some of these replies are frankly fucking batshit and clearly from people with no experience of parenting teenagers

Well @Mostlywilliow I think you have been exceedingly sensible... shame others have not read your posts. Your kids will be safe with a DBS checked sitter who knows them and they know her. School leave dates do change... I have been a governor in a borough which has a predominantly Moslem base, so calculating the dates of Eid is an art form...

I hope you have a marvellous holiday when the time comes and I am happy to share a G&T and snackage as we watch your ex disappear up his own fundament in the run up to your trip!

Your kids are old enough to be home alone tbh

A sitter for supervision is a good solution for an unexpected obstacle.
Your ex is a twat who sounds like he’s still
butt hurt that he has lost control of you. For what it’s worth, I think you seem fabulous. Your responses to the martyrs and those looking to find fault have had me
chuckling away this evening. I hope
you, your chap and your vagina have a wonderful holiday.

Well said! Absolutely enjoy your teen free holiday.

I cannot believe the amount of criticism and negativity you are getting here. They are three almost grown-up children. They will survive perfectly well for a week without you. They were not going on the holiday with you anyway it almost seems like a lot of women on here are jealous of your freedom, go and have a fantastic time. The children know the truth of it they might be moaning and groaning, but that’s what teenagers do. They know you are their number one parent. you are always there for them and you’re having a week away Ignore The miserable people on here that are trying to stick a jealous knife into you

As others have said, your ex would be laughed off the planet if he tried to complain to SS, and as for "good ideas", surely a list of "DON'TS" on the fridge door would have sufficed. It just baffles me that you don't think kids of that age are capable of being left alone for a week, when we've left our 16 year old home alone for that time with no drama, but hey, your shout. 🤷‍♀️

You're fine. You've got this under control. Go and have a wonderful holiday.

I feel your pain!

I came home after one night away to a whistling kettle with a huge hole in the bottom of it where it had been allowed to boil dry, and a very stinky kitchen.

The idiot formerly known as DS - aged around 16/17 and usually very sensible had forgotten all about it 🙄

Ignore him totally, hes trying everything to destroy your happiness. Tell your kids you are going snd they are being babysit by the responsible adult you have chosen. Or they can go to stay with their father and he can explain why they are missing school. Your ex sounds crazy why do these stupid men think that social services have the time or the inclination to investigate his complains when he pays the minimum.he will get a reputation for malicious reporting. Don't let him ruin your happiness.

Some of the attitudes to the Op are appalling!! Imagine being daft enough to think the 3 teenagers were going on the holiday in the first place! And to try and make her feel bad for not taking them, Jesus no wonder there is so many mollycoddled and entitled adults these days....

Are you me 😂😂 unfortunately total stonewalling doesn’t stop him impacting my life 5 years post divorce, and with 3 adult children

I advise no contact and pity for his sad life, revolving around trying to make you look shit

my own parents believed mine, even when he was arrested and I was threatened with having my children removed if he was not gone

my boys are great, I’m happy, ignore ignore ignore

You are being totally ridiculous!

Wahhh that’s awful!

Eldest did one of those sponge puddings that say “DO NOT LET THE PAN BOIL DRY” and of course did indeed let it boil dry, and had to take it out in the garden to detonate it. I found all this out much later when I asked why there was moulten bitumen-like treacle embedded in the fence.

This
my excan
flash the cash, parade women who in front of them he tells them are better than me (none of them last) , slag me off to anyone who will listen
my boys know I’m the constant who has fought for them, been there, accepted their anger and hurt and sadness

and I even went to Thailand recently for 2 whole weeks without them
scandalous I know

He shouldn’t be around kids anyway so why do you want him to see them. I’d do all I could to keep him away from my kids.

Have a fabulous time op! You sound very sensible- whilst they don’t need a ‘babysitter’ it will be helpful to have a responsible adult around.
I regularly go on holidays my teens would love…. Without them 🙀 they in turn go on school residentials and scout trips etc without me, sometimes I only take 1 teen at a time and leave the other behind, by this thread’s standards I should be shot immediately.

😄

We have also suffered the exploded food… the microwave saw off many a decent meal.
The previously mentioned idiot put a lamb chop meal in for 20 mins 😳 instead of for 2 minute bursts as I had told him.
It was like Bonfire night in the kitchen.
The microwave survived - it was in the mid 1990s when they were the size of a 3 bedroom bungalow.

If their feckless father is so concerned why the hell isn’t he stepping up & caring for his children for that week himself; surely the stupid arsehole can see that’s the answer🤦‍♀️ it’s all well & good his getting on his high horse shouting & hollering but if he’s not prepared to stand in then basically he can go boil his fucking head!! Do you have grandparents who could step in just to shut the yeah up

I'm mid 30s now but in my early to mid twenties I semi regularly acted as the safety net for a family with mid aged teenagers when the parents went away for weekends. It was a great gig. I got paid and could game with the kids and just had to do light house work and cook and shoot down the odd dumb suggestion while occasionally reasuring the adults that all the pets and kids were alive and house wasn't on fire, Im still friendly with the whole family.
Its weird that people are so affronted at the idea of it, its definitely not a rare thing.

Also as a single parent with an ex who is akin to yours I dont understand why you going away eithout your teenagers on a holiday they wouldn't want to go on is an issue to anyone except the bitter man who lost his control of you. I hope you both have a brilliant time and can still walk straight when you come home 😆

🤦‍♀️

A 16 year old alone is a very different situation to three siblings, all close in age and all with a history of dumb stuff. The dynamic is completely different, especially if they are all boys as these are.

Arguments, fights, winding up, egging on Great Ideas, the formulating of (as a pp mentioned) a Brilliant Plan.

As I posted above, the 17 year old isnt being babysat, they are being supported. Because otherwise he is in total charge of two younger siblings and responsible for managing their behaviour. Its a hell of a responsibility and not one that it is fair to land on him.

Why do you not just take them out of school? Must be near end of term anyway if you thought those dates were the school holidays.