Well am I? My ex is an absolute arse.

[Mostlywilliow]

My ex is still outraged that I divorced him and then later met someone else AND kept the house AND am much happier. He is a study of coercive control and finally left when the police removed him.
The kids are 17, 16, 15 and he refuses to communicate with me at all about when he is seeing them. Doesn’t attend anything school or education related ever ever and pays just under the bare minimum CSA amount despite being on £150k conservatively. You get the picture. He’s moved an hour away by car.

I booked a holiday well over a year ago, before the term dates came out and got an amazing price because of the Early Bird element and a clause that said absolutely no changes, refunds, postponements, nothing.

Turns out the kids are in school that week so rather than lose the fortune it cost to book this for me and my partner, I have booked a DBS nanny/babysitter who has minded them before, to move in for the week.

This is apparently disgusting, awful, I’m a terrible selfish parent, etc all relaid via DC3 direct from his dad. He’s also started making what I consider to be vexatious complaints to social care, about whether I’m feeding them junk or home cooked food, why they get the bus to school (2 miles) instead of me driving them, why I redecorated one of the kids’ rooms as a surprise (which to be fair he hated), and now this. Apparently the kids are too young to be left with a “stranger” and are very upset and I should cancel. He won’t EVER tell me when he’s having the kids so I can’t plan things usually. I know he’s being utterly unreasonable by interfering in this way but he’s managed to upset the kids who are now complaining non stop about how they don’t want to be looked after by anyone. And yet if I left them home alone, which I wouldn’t do, that would be wrong too. Fed up.

OP!! Have a fabulous and well earned holiday!

There is absolutely nothing wrong with an adults only week, and you've thoroughly covered all bases with the DBS nanny.....ignore the whiners, there seems to be a disproportionate number of martyrs in this thread who clearly decided that they decide no life from the moment they because a parent until........who even knows?!

Enjoy!!

Op just read your posts. No advice but I’m going away with DH and leaving DD aged 17 home alone 😱! My parenting must be awful……. I’ll miss all those memories we should make. Whilst she is at school, dance and with the boyfriend. I assume all the naysayers have little kids who can’t imagine one day they don’t need us quite as much! Enjoy

Bollox off. No velcro strip attached to me!

Your kids are old enough to know that telling you things like this is going to just inflame the situation and piss you off.

And as for the recording of fridge contents and sending to their dad - that is unacceptable. They are certainly old enough not to have done this and known it was wrong.

I’m not sure being a psycho and grandparent are mutually exclusive, most children are harmed by their own family.

Enough for her to take a week’s holiday leave from her main job.

@Mostlywilliow I can't believe the hard time you are getting on this thread, the vipers really are out in force. I am so glad you are free of your abusive ex, he sounds awful and determined to cause problems. I hope your boys are able to see through (eventually) his manipulative and controlling behaviour.
Have a lovely holiday and enjoy all the exercise!

Bloomin heck….. must be loads!

You need to sit your teens down and explain that them telling you things like this; them sending him video “evidence” of the fridge contents - must stop. They are older teens and should know that doing this is just going be like pouring petrol over a fire.

@Mostlywilliow
Some of the replies on this thread are the strangest , most judgmental I have seen on MN.
READ THE FULL THREAD OR AT LEAST ALL THE OP’s POSTS.
Thank you.

Honestly, some of the comments on this thread are unhinged. Isn't this supposed to be a supportive platform where we look out for each other? It's like women have balled all their anger at the patriarchy into a seething pit of rage, and this is where they have decided to vent it—at each other. There's a distinct "I'm a better mother than you" vibe from some of these posters, who are all jealous as hell because they won't dare leave their precious children until they are at least 35.

Enjoy your holiday, and don't spare any of this ridiculous bollocks another thought.

Exactly

Take the kids away as originally planned.

I had to double check that you are not my daughter posting! Your situations are almost identical. What the flying fudge is the matter with some men. I don’t think that you are remotely unreasonable, but remember teenagers often change the narrative to suit themselves. Especially if a lot of your ‘non-communication’ comes from them. 🤗

17,16,15, they are not kids, teo of them are old enough to have a job.
Agree with the kids they don't need babysitting. If you fell better with someone keeping and eye, ok. But they are old enough to sort themselves.

He can look after them if he's so bothered.

This x100!

Well he is still trying to control your life so you have no choice in the matter... can the sitter meet the kids few times before you go away they are far from being babies so I say well done on this and keep moving forward .
Very soon kids will be old enough for you to say I do not want to hear about your dad's issues towards me .
Sounds like a bitter bastard like my ex if he was on fire I wouldn't help him.. he was a horror.
Soon enough your kids will understand your exes ways .. go on holiday and enjoy xx

🤣🤣

You sound delightful! What lucky children you have 🙄

I wish I could say I’m surprised at the misogynistic responses - but I’m not
Enjoy your holiday

This exactly ... my ex partner was still sending messages through my youngest son who was 21 at the time.. he would say as soon as you get home wake your mum up so you don't forget what I've told you to say...
Makes me shudder to think I was in a relationship with such a controlling bastard... I told my son in the end you are old enough to say to your dad " stop using me as your messenger and move on* he did this thankfully .

These kids are well on the way to being adult- put out feelers if one of their friends would be willing to take one or more of them. My Mum won a holiday when I was 17 and I stayed with a friend- it was fine.

I feel your pain OP. I have similar with my exH. Continually slates me to our DDs (17 & 16) on the phone … because he has only seen them four times in 8 years 🙄 He ceased all access when he lost his attempt for sole custody …😗 he stopped paying child support when I refused to share my holiday photos with him 😂 it was great to see the courts increase the monthly amount and force him to pay the arrears. I completely and utterly grey rock him. And I grey rock our DDs in relation to him. They’re already beginning to see him for who he is … I don’t need to show them.