I’m an affair baby

[wildgreyseas]

I don’t know how to process this information.

My parents had always, always maintained that their marriages had ended long before my mum got pregnant.

Anthony this is technically true, it’s come to light that they were both still married when they started seeing each other. Both in very unhappy marriages that were all but over, but still legally married and not separated. My mum was in an abusive marriage, so I kind of view that a little less harshly, but I feel sick to my stomach to think of it. It’s awful. The hurt they caused, and I’m a physical representation of it. I can’t even look at them.

“Incredibly angry 30 years on”
“Completely fucked up their childhoods”

Why such drama?

I get it. We all have views of our parents as adults.

You had one view your whole life that has now been shattered. As we can see from this thread people have very varied views on infidelity. With plenty of rationalising of it as a means to an end.

There was infidelity in my parents marriage. They stayed together. As is their right as adults to chose what is best for them. I however hold my own opinions about it and while you can still love a parent based on your relationship with them, personally respecting them as a person is a different matter all together.

There is also a large amount of disgust if I think about it to deeply. So I don't because I respect the right of the person who opted to stay. Even if I would make a different decision in their shoes.

Your Dad laughed as he explained your Mum was pregnant with you as a result of their affair, while still living with their other partners?
All this while you explained why you split with your partner? No surprise you feel hurt. You are trying to get over the betrayal and your Dad responds as he did. We don't have the details of how things were with his other family but it reads like you are now processing things that may have happened or being said through the years.
💐

What an overreaction.

Meh. So am I. I’m also adopted because of it and have several half siblings who (so far as I know) don’t know I exist.

It’s really not the big deal you’re making it out I be. You are yourself and your parents conduct is no reflection on you.

I wish I’d not posted. I didn’t realise I was such an awful person

I think you’re being hugely hyperbolic here. It was an affair, not murder.

What?

Are you feeling very down in general or suffering from depression?

If not, this makes you come across as a bit manipulative.

This is really manipulative. No one said you were an awful person.

This has clearly triggered you over what happened to you, get some therapy to help deal with it.

I'm not talking about lines that liars use, I'm talking about realities. If someone is in an abusive marriage and having an affair helps them in some way to leave, I have in theory no issue with that.

Of course you are correct that no-one can ever really know someone else's situations outside of that person themselves.

This does seem like a huge over reaction…

Not awful. Just naive and somewhat judgmental.

Get some therapy op. You’re overthinking this.

Loads of us are 'affair babies' OP. Many never even married, it was a temporary affair and parents remained married to someone else after.

Doesn't make us better or worse than anyone else, for most people we just keep quiet about it. Move on with your life

Your parents sex lives are absolutely none of your business

Oh stop it. No-one thinks you're 'awful' - just overreacting to news about events a long time ago.
Quit the dramatics.