To want SD’s room to be multifunctional?

[SamphireSupper]

DP and I have decided to downsize as unfortunately he has medical issues which mean he can’t work full-time anymore. We have DS4 together, and SD13 who visits, at most, every other weekend. I work from home and am the breadwinner (relevant) and I currently work from the dining room.

The new house we have found is much smaller, still has three bedrooms, but no dining room. DS would have the box room. I’ve said I will need to have my desk in SD’s room. DP and SD don’t want this. AIBU?

I’d do anything to give children the comfort and not feel like the way your SD would feel. They can’t pay for the house as a teenager who is 13

Yes it is an attitude we always see in abusive parents. They may not all hit their kids, or molest them, but they all take this approach that their children arent entitled to or owners of anything.

You can get desks that can be closed away into a cupboard so it's hidden away when not in use.

Absolutely.

I can't see the issue here either.

Back in the early 00s the family computer was on a desk in my bedroom. Dad used it for work, mum used it for evening work, siblings used it for homework. It was fine.

OP I'm sorry for everything you are having to deal with right now.

But even if the OP capitulates, and works from home in the cupboard under the stairs (or whatever) it isn't going to change what has happened to the SD.

Even the £600 extra that he isn't required to pay?

Oh dear god

I know, poor lass, what a terrible time she's having. I think her wellbeing needs to be prioritised.

OP use the bedroom, you are keeping both households afloat and it’s not appropriate to work from the kitchen table if your DH and DS will be at home while you’re working. It’s no big deal to put a desk into your SD’s room. If she’s only there every second weekend, it will make no difference to her.

Even that.

https://www.gov.uk/child-maintenance-service

The child isn’t there while the room is being used as a workspace. Se’s only there four days a month. I really don’t know anywhere other than MN where giving DSD the bigger room so it can double up as a workspace in her absence would be seen as unreasonable. OP is massively supporting everyone and making compromises - why should she not have her own private workspace when she’s the breadwinner everyone else is relying on.

And I think the OP's ability to do her job, which is paying the mortgage and keeping 2 households afloat, is what needs to be prioritised!

And the OP ? Who’s working her arse off to support everyone ? What about her wellbeing ?

Actually that wouldn't be unreasonable at all. It sucks, but she ought to be working to support her own child, not expecting a slice of your salary.

Yup. She’s already prioritising DSD by paying the outstanding `CMS to make sure her living standards with her mum aren’t reduced. A lot of misogyny on this thread.

SD has a double bed and wouldn't want a single, she's getting the bigger room too, I don't think it's unreasonable that room has a desk and chair in it the OP can use when she's not there (SD can use if she brings homework too as she gets towards exam age).
The OP is talking about a laptop she'd remove not setting it up so the SD feels like she's sleeping in an office.

If the SD really objects to her SM using 'her desk' when she's not there then I think the only alternative is she gets the boxroom and a single bed, or they find a way to divide the room and SD gets half of it and a single bed.

Op i WFH in my bedroom and it is pretty crap. Its like theres no getting away from my work environment even though its sectioned off 😔

Its not unreasonable at all to have a desk in your SD room that shes only in for 4 days a month if that. She'll get used to it.

Yes, please see my other posts with advice and support for her 👍

Yes. I think she would emotionally safer away from the OP, even if they are poorer.

She doesnt have to lose her job by working at the kitchen table, her room, or her son's room. That will be her choice if she does.

Yes, I have said that, previously.
It's what can be managed for the best

Except that DM has two younger children who are disabled and can only work minimally, which she does. If she’s claiming everything she should be in the way of benefits, she won’t be able to claim any more if CMS is reduced. I think it’s good hearted of OP to try to maintain DSD’s lifestyle at her mum’s, if a bit misguided as the effects on her own household.

Yes, I'd probably put those two options to DSD. If she prefers the idea of a partitioned/smaller room without a double bed, that sounds like a solution that would still provide OP with a suitable workspace.