AIBU to tell his wife after discovering he lied about being divorced?

[Milksteak82]

I've found out that a man I’d been seeing is actually married. He told me a very detailed story about being divorced, shared custody, ex-wife remarried etc which now appears to have been completely fabricated. He also said he was too busy for a relationship (same here) and that he’d recently come out of a long-term FWB situation.
Based on that, I opened up about my own divorce and we met a few times (coffee, hotels and at my house). I feel really guilty writing this, I saw him at mine just last week.
I only found his Facebook because he popped up in a shared hobby group I’m in. His profile is otherwise very locked down, but his profile/cover photos show what looks like a very happy, definitely not divorced couple.
I sent him a screenshot and told him to delete my number. He knows where I live, which is also making me pause.
I’ve blocked him but I’ve found his wife on Facebook.
It seems obvious to me that she should know. My own marriage ended due to my ex's constant cheating and I’m still picking up the pieces emotionally. But I also live alone with my children and he knows where I live, which makes me hesitate.
I feel strongly she should know, especially given the level of deception and the fact this doesn’t seem like a one-off.
If you were in her position, would you want to know? I've got screenshots, dates, etc. Is it better to say something or just walk away and leave it?

Who has given an explanation for why the photo of him and his wife was uploaded after they started talking?

Who has given an explanation for him saying “I have been divorced “ not “I am divorced “?

I’m surprised some PP think “you’re looking for drama”, it’s so sad to think there are women that are okay with other women being cheated on at your expense.

I would tell her, OP. Him wanting to talk about it is just damage control, he’ll just try to feed you more lies.

I’m sorry you’ve had to deal with this.

The OP does not he is cheating only has it in their head he is, if this was me I would want to find out from him not have my first instinct be run to the wife

If you are worried about repercussions from him then don't bother.
It's not your life and not your problem to solve. You sound upset and you should focus on yourself rather than him. Try to move in with your life and put him in the past

OP said the photos are recent, so not some long lost profile from years ago. There’s no point in trying to find out from him because he’ll just spin a new lie.

The only possible discussion I'd be willing to have with him (and only possible) would be if I was to meet with him and his ex wife together. You know what she looks like from the profile so he can't fob you off with a female friend.

Then the OP can just move on

Whether he is cheating or not why would the ex wife want anything to do with the OP?

Stay out of it. All you want is revenge. You know nothing about her or their life. I'm sure she knows something is up; let her deal with it in her own way. If he's the abusive type, he might even get really mad and take it out on her. Just leave them to their lives.

No one thanks the messenger,just leave it OP.

Agreed! What happened to women standing up for each other. I would want to know if my husband was acting like this and taking me for a fool.

I think if you're worried about his reaction to you revealing this, and it sounds as if you are worried for your and your children's safety, then I wouldn't get involved any further. He's a consummate liar whatever his marital status. Just be glad you found out this early into the possible relationship.

Women never stand up for women they always throw each other under the bus in favour of a man

So you wouldn’t want to know if your husband was cheating on you?

It is up to my partner to tell me not someone radom woman, what goes on between me and my partner is no one elses business but separately if the random woman needed to absolve their guilt by telling me I would be asking if the random woman has children maybe think very carefully and dont believe what you are told actually get to know someone properly before getting into a relationship with them, or sleeping with them

@iamnotalemon personally no, or at least not from the woman he’d fucked.

I'd want to know, but not from you. I wouldn't want to be going about my day, perhaps dealing with other pressures and have a stranger plop into my in box and tell me what could be the most devastating news of my life. What about if I was mentally vulnerable at the time? Or had no access to support? Or was about to do something important? And why would I believe you? If I trusted him you might scare me as I might think you were harassing me.
If I were you, I'd contact him and tell him if he didn't tell her you would. Even if he calls your bluff, you'll have given him a scare.

I'm amazed at the reaction of some women on this thread.

The OP has every right to be angry and talk about lashing out in anger on here.

And if I was his wife I would want to be told.

Great answer.

What an absolutely perfect bit of victim blaming. Well done!

Who is the victim?

She has nothing to feel guilty about.

There are always a few responses who for some reason think the poster is being nasty, wants revenge, or even, oddly, is hoping a revelation will end the marriage so that she can have the man to herself. Who'd want a cheat, I ask?

I think OP is better off keeping her powder dry, it may give him pause if he is thinking about to bothering her.
"I am breaking things off because you are married, please do not contact me again. Concentrate on resolving your marriage." then implied or explicit threat "I do not want to get involved in those issues" / "If you do start bothering me I will tell your wife what you have been up to"

Speak for yourself

You have DC, and you need to keep them safe, so don't do it.

Cut it off with him, and tell him never to contact you again or you will tell her. That'll make him think twice and he won't come near you again.