Sibling buying beside us

[apriljuneandnovember]

How you would feel if you found out that a sibling had purchased a house in your estate?

And that they no intentions of telling you until after contracts were signed. Purposely told other family members to keep it a secret.

We find it bizarre.

But apparently we have no right to complain as we cannot dictate where anyone chooses to buy.

AIBU to think they should have given us a heads up?

FWIW I don’t think it’s healthy. I feel we spent enough time living in close proximity during our childhood. I value my space and privacy. I feel I am going to lose that.

Also said sibling isn’t the easiest to get along with

This happened to me, a sister I don't really like who moved 260 miles to be near me in the same village.

I CANT STAND HER. !!!

She has form for copying me. She did the same nursery nurse course as me and also
got a job as a nanny in the flat above the flat I was a nanny in !!

I just avoid contact as much as possible,

But it's VERY. irritating.

But you want them to have told you in advance, so you're saying your right to information trumps their right to privacy.

I'd be hurt if my sibling was moving close and didn't tell me, but your posts don't indicate you're hurt. You're annoyed you've not had advanced warning in order to not get lumped with childcare. You clearly don't have a particularly great relationship so I don't know why you think they should have told you. And you've been blocked for 3 months so it's very clear they aren't moving there to be closer to you, but instead because they've found a house they like. Nothing they've done is any of your business.

I'd hate it if my DB moved close to me, but that's because he's got significant MH problems and smokes weed all day long, and he's always asking to borrow money.

Luckily, he lives 160-odd miles away.

Nothing they've done is any of your business

It is her business if she's going to be seeing them every day, whether she wants to or not. It's intrusive.

I’m sure this isn’t a unique situation to this poster.

First post nails it unless op is dip feeding.

I also think your reaction is interesting - suggests you're not particularly close.

The important part of this story is that house buying sibling will live down the road and round the corner so to speak, so OP will have no cause to drive past THEIR house for anything, whereas sister will need to pass OP's house multiple times to get out of the estate.

That really would drive me insane.

Of course it's not! OP doesn't own the rights to the estate. If you don't want to see someone then move, or avoid them. But to think anyone has even a sniff of a say in where someone else buys a house is ludicrous.

It’s not just anyone though; it’s an annoying family member. I’d be annoyed too @apriljuneandnovember

Someone being related to you doesn't mean there's an inherent right to dictate where they live.

I thought this. Total GDPR breach!!

No it doesn’t, but as a family member it’s very weird to be so secretive.

It’s not ‘your’ estate, you just happen to live there.

I live in a rural community where it’s absolutely normal for families to live close to each other, so I don’t find it odd at all. They might not all get along, but that’s where they live. I have taught cousins in the same class knowing full well that the parents didn’t get along, but nobody made a fuss of it. The children were friends, more often than not.

I had to share a bedroom with TWO siblings until well into my teens, and then with one sibling until I was in my late teens. By then I'd had more than my fill, even though I love them loads. I wanted space!

I even left school after GCSEs and did my A levels at a completely different college to deliberately create space between my sister and I, and then she went and joined the same college out of absolutely nowhere! I recall being furious! The whole point was to finally be my own person, not sharing a room with her, not being in her shadow like I was at school, being younger than her.

So I definitely get it. Love them to bits but if either moved closeby, I know for a fact I'd get roped into babysitting. My partner and I don't have children, so everyone thinks we're free to do what they want and when they want.

Could it be something like this in your case? I have to agree the whole thing is strange. Out of ALL the houses available for sale in ALL the streets and areas, she chose yours?

Would you be standing at the window looking out for them driving past in order to maximise your annoyance or would you just get on with your day and barely notice them?

Clearly they knew how OP would react to something that's none of her business then.

Yes!!! I actually considered telling sibling as I figured she would be annoyed with the EA…and pull out of the purchase.

Oh like moving house is trivial? What if she likes where she is? And avoiding someone is unpleasant as well. Awkward at best, stressful at worst.

Like it or not, it affects the OP because she doesn't live in a bubble. Therefore, it's her business.

I do think it depends on how big the estate is. And what other options are around. Are you talking hundreds of houses or fewer than 20, for example.

My estate is tiny, 12 houses in my road and round the corner another 6. Houses back on to each other but separate roads in/out. These are the only new build (10years ago) in this part of town. So it's here or a house that's 60-100 years old. Also very few 4 bed unless you are paying double what mine is as they are 'character'.

If they've blocked you your fine as they won't be hounding you for anything.

Purposely told other family members to keep it a secret.

Perhaps they knew if you found out that you’d make a massive fuss.

To me, your reaction is completely unhinged UNLESS there is a history of abuse by them.

The childcare is a boundary for you to set and there is no reason for you not to set it whether they live on the same estate or next town.

It makes no sense to me, because if the relationship between you and your sibling is so good that they want to live next door to you, why isn't it good enough to be open about it? Why the secrecy? Is it meant to be a fantastic surprise and that's why?

Obviously you know they can live wherever they want, but I do think it requires a discussion out of politeness if nothing else.

However, it's up to you to draw the boundaries now. You're not in the same house as them, and you need to put your foot down regarding how often you see them. You don't need to see them any more than you do now, or whatever you're happy with.

Exactly! The perk of leaving home is finding your own patch to do your own thing. Something we valued.

We seem to be in the minority in our way of thinking, judging by some of the responses here 🫣

I assume there is some big back story/falling out… personally I’d be totally delighted if any of my siblings or siblings in law moved nearby!