Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel humiliated by my fiancé's stag do video?

674 replies

Aquadream · 20/04/2026 20:52

I am not sure what I’m hoping for from posting this..probably some reassurance that I’m not being over the top in feeling so humiliated.

DP returned from his abroad stag do yesterday (we get married later in the summer). A big group went and I know a few of the other partners really well.

One of my friends who is married to one of my DP’s best mates messaged me whilst they were still away to say it sounded mental and she’d had a few photos/videos through from her other half, sent with a drunken message in the early hours of the morning.

She sent me one of the videos which was basically my DP on a sort of podium with a barely dressed woman/dancer wearing a really skimpy sort of bondage outfit. It’s about 2 minutes long and she pulls his shorts down and starts using a whip on him. She then gets him to lie down and she lowers herself above his face.

This is all egged on to cheers and shouting from the group.

I’ve confronted him about it - he says he was pushed into it and had no choice. He also said it was not a strip club and was a normal bar which happened to have the woman on the podium. I have googled the place and it is not a strip club. But the whole resort seems so sleazy. He said they’d been drinking in the sun all day and he barely remembers it, but that was happening to’all the others stags too’.

I find it so so embarrassing all the other partners have probably seen this video too, as it was in the group chat and people would have sent stuff on like happened with my friend.

Thanks to anyone still reading. Am I wrong to have reacted like this?

OP posts:
LittleJustice · 20/04/2026 22:17

Stirfried20 · 20/04/2026 22:16

@LittleJustice a lot of country walk, real ale drinking guys I know who would never be the type to condone this sort of behaviour, did in fact go to strip clubs at uni and have some wild stag does! It does happen I’m afraid.

Maybe, but the guys I know are just not into that.

I know because I know what they got up to on their stag dos and it just wasn't strip clubs.

MidnightMeltdown · 20/04/2026 22:18

mommatoone · 20/04/2026 22:01

Dear God, the pearl clutching on this thread!🤣. 'My husband would never blah blah'
I'm not condoning what happened here, but those who think their partners are holier than though is ridiculous. And,no.im not the 'cool wife' , I just live in the real world! I have worked in a male dominated industry for the last 30 years, I've heard it all.

I don’t know what industry you work in, but it’s a certain type of man who behaves like this. The fact that you are extending it to all men is ridiculous.

The female equivalent exists as well, but that doesn’t mean that all women are like this!

Pistachiocake · 20/04/2026 22:20

Sometimes people are pushed into these things-both men and women, and they can be genuinely upset by it (not to mention worried that the dancers are being exploited too, and quite possibly abused). Maybe I'm a killjoy, but I'm not a massive fan of stag/hen dos, not the OTT ones anyway.
If he's normally ok, I would let this go, but maybe suggest he spends money going on breaks with you instead of ones like this. If he has cheated on you before, then that's different.

JockTamsonsBairns · 20/04/2026 22:20

SometimesThingsHappen · 20/04/2026 21:42

Something similar happened to me on my hen do. My friend took us to a place that had male strippers and arranged for a dance for me. He stripped down, made my lie down, put a cloth on my face and lowered himself over my face. I had no choice in the matter, did not know that was going to happen. I was drunk, it was just weird. In no way did I find it sexually arousing just embarrassing. I think everyone was a bit shocked as no-one has mentioned it since.

Just sharing as a counter point to all the shrieks of LTB! I also know that my DH went to a strip club and would have had a lap dance. And he's been to strip clubs other times, for stag dos and very occasionally for nights out. No, I'm not a huge fan, but the reality is it happens and for anyone pretending their precious husband has never and would never go to such a grim place, they probably have they just haven't told you about it. If they've been to a stag do, they've been to a strip club.

If they've been to a stag do, they've been to a strip club.

Well, no. My ex-h went fishing with friends in the Scottish Borders. He was many things, but he wasn't into the commodification of women.

EmeraldShamrock000 · 20/04/2026 22:20

Yanbu. My Dbro is happily married in a successful relationship but on his stag do, his mates went all out. He still has scars from the pointed heels on his back and buttocks. It meant nothing to him only pain. SIL didn’t care. I think his mates were fuck heads. I definitely would not have been happy.
to add, your pal shouldn’t have sent that video.

LittleJustice · 20/04/2026 22:20

I do also know guys who have done stuff like this and also gone to prostitutes on stag dos so I know both types.

I'm just saying that not all men are into that. And that I wouldn't want one who was. And I'm not delusional.

MasterBeth · 20/04/2026 22:22

LittleJustice · 20/04/2026 22:17

Maybe, but the guys I know are just not into that.

I know because I know what they got up to on their stag dos and it just wasn't strip clubs.

Show quote history

No, you are wrong, LittleJustice. How naive!

All men have done this and you are foolish to believe otherwise. They are all at it. Every single one of them.

godmum56 · 20/04/2026 22:22

Aquadream · 20/04/2026 20:52

I am not sure what I’m hoping for from posting this..probably some reassurance that I’m not being over the top in feeling so humiliated.

DP returned from his abroad stag do yesterday (we get married later in the summer). A big group went and I know a few of the other partners really well.

One of my friends who is married to one of my DP’s best mates messaged me whilst they were still away to say it sounded mental and she’d had a few photos/videos through from her other half, sent with a drunken message in the early hours of the morning.

She sent me one of the videos which was basically my DP on a sort of podium with a barely dressed woman/dancer wearing a really skimpy sort of bondage outfit. It’s about 2 minutes long and she pulls his shorts down and starts using a whip on him. She then gets him to lie down and she lowers herself above his face.

This is all egged on to cheers and shouting from the group.

I’ve confronted him about it - he says he was pushed into it and had no choice. He also said it was not a strip club and was a normal bar which happened to have the woman on the podium. I have googled the place and it is not a strip club. But the whole resort seems so sleazy. He said they’d been drinking in the sun all day and he barely remembers it, but that was happening to’all the others stags too’.

I find it so so embarrassing all the other partners have probably seen this video too, as it was in the group chat and people would have sent stuff on like happened with my friend.

Thanks to anyone still reading. Am I wrong to have reacted like this?

Well he has told you who he is....... but I wouldn't be feeling humiliated, I'd be feeling bloody incandesent and the wedding would be as off as an off thing from planet off.

outerspacepotato · 20/04/2026 22:23

bert3400 · 20/04/2026 22:12

Honestly he was on a stag do, if you have no other reason to doubt his loyalty I would let this pass, obviously the pearl clutching mumsnetters are up in arm but you know your fiance ...are you actually going to throw away a solid relationship because he of one night of stupidity and drunkenness? Only you know the answer?

A planned out, premeditated night of cheating. He didn't just wander into something. He and his buddies planned this and took a deliberate trip to do it.

And they'll do it again. That's their core. He's not a decent guy, he'll cheat if he gets a chance or his buddies talk him into it.

The woman who sent the video was giving OP a heads up as to the character of the guy she planned to marry. He's sleazy. She's now going into this with her eyes wide open. No excuses that she didn't know what kind of guy she's planning to marry.

PurpleNightingale · 20/04/2026 22:23

Did you discuss prior to the stag what you were and weren't comfortable with? My husband didn't know ahead of time what was being planned for him on his stag weekend so we had a talk and laid out the lines. I think I said I was okay with a strip club and interaction with dancers if they ended up there, as long as there wasn't anything like a private/ intimate lap dance. So I wouldn't have wanted to watch this - why on Earth would the other partner show it to you - but I wouldn't have been upset as such because it would have been within the agreed parameters.

I feel like this is not an entirely unnormal stag do occurance so only you could really say your partner should have known this was not okay. Did you talk before he left?

MasterBeth · 20/04/2026 22:23

JockTamsonsBairns · 20/04/2026 22:20

If they've been to a stag do, they've been to a strip club.

Well, no. My ex-h went fishing with friends in the Scottish Borders. He was many things, but he wasn't into the commodification of women.

Show quote history

But the Scottish Borders is packed with sex clubs and strip joints! You are so gullible!

Anyahyacinth · 20/04/2026 22:23

BeMintFatball · 20/04/2026 20:59

What did the other wife hope to achieve by showing you the video?

it does sound seedy but also something that was done to him. Same as other grooms-to-be.

An element of humiliation is a hazard of going on a stag do. Think your man needs better friends

Friends who hide what he does? He’s an adult and responsible for his behaviour. Sharing something that’s true is somehow wrong..why?

AlexandraPeppernose · 20/04/2026 22:25

This was very normal in the early 2000s. I think this thread shows that society has definitely moved on which is great, but it's unrealistic to think that this kind of thing has completely disappeared and I'll be honest I'll say some of the comments are dripping in superiority. Most of the husbands on the ' I've been married for 25yr to the best man I've ever known' probably spent their stag do in a gentleman's club or in their local with all theirs mates, who all chucked in a fiver for a stripper.

Cantfindafreeusername · 20/04/2026 22:26

🤣was this in Benidorm?? This is part and parcel of a stag doo there I’m afraid! All harmless fun surely?? No different to women going to watch magic mike surely? God lighten up it’s a stag doo!!!!

LittleJustice · 20/04/2026 22:27

Just because the men you know go, doesn't mean all men do. We tend to attract people who share our values.

It’s not naive to want a partner whose values align with mine. I’d rather be single than settle for someone whose lifestyle I don't respect.

Actually, statistics show that industry numbers are declining because many men aren't interested in that scene anymore.

When I got married in the 90s, we had a joint hen and stag do. Just bar hopping in town then on to a club.

Rose213 · 20/04/2026 22:28

Aquadream · 20/04/2026 20:52

I am not sure what I’m hoping for from posting this..probably some reassurance that I’m not being over the top in feeling so humiliated.

DP returned from his abroad stag do yesterday (we get married later in the summer). A big group went and I know a few of the other partners really well.

One of my friends who is married to one of my DP’s best mates messaged me whilst they were still away to say it sounded mental and she’d had a few photos/videos through from her other half, sent with a drunken message in the early hours of the morning.

She sent me one of the videos which was basically my DP on a sort of podium with a barely dressed woman/dancer wearing a really skimpy sort of bondage outfit. It’s about 2 minutes long and she pulls his shorts down and starts using a whip on him. She then gets him to lie down and she lowers herself above his face.

This is all egged on to cheers and shouting from the group.

I’ve confronted him about it - he says he was pushed into it and had no choice. He also said it was not a strip club and was a normal bar which happened to have the woman on the podium. I have googled the place and it is not a strip club. But the whole resort seems so sleazy. He said they’d been drinking in the sun all day and he barely remembers it, but that was happening to’all the others stags too’.

I find it so so embarrassing all the other partners have probably seen this video too, as it was in the group chat and people would have sent stuff on like happened with my friend.

Thanks to anyone still reading. Am I wrong to have reacted like this?

horrible one that.

your "friend" sending you the video is also not really your friend. Big shit stirrer.

it's not nice but strippers are common place on stags/hens.

as long as thats all that happened then I would just move on and forget about it personally.

IneedAniffler · 20/04/2026 22:30

Theextraordinaryisintheordinary · 20/04/2026 21:10

If he didn’t kiss her or touch her in any way I would be upset initially but like a previous poster said, I’d probably take it as part of the stag if this behaviour is massively out of character for him? His friends sound immature.

Whoever sent you the video was sending you a juicy hook to stir up some drama. Don’t give her the pleasure of biting. She has tried to humiliate you. xo

He didn't kiss or touch her so its fine she lowered her minge onto his chops? 👍

GTFO

Tableforjoan · 20/04/2026 22:30

I don’t know if my dh has had lap dances or whatever if he has his smart enough to not get it on camera.

Though he did paint balling for his stag. The following chaps stag was bowling and the next was go karting. Maybe boring men in my circle 🤷🏻‍♀️😅

Original poster
Aquadream · 20/04/2026 22:30

I am seriously weighing up first thing tomorrow, looking at what the financial implications would be of postponing the wedding. I am spitting mad and reading these replies has made me realise I need to make a stand.

OP posts:
CowTown · 20/04/2026 22:30

Why so many comparisons to Magic Mike? I haven’t seen it, nor have I heard any of my friends or family talking about going to see Magic Mike. The amount of times Magic Mike has been mentioned on this thread, you’d think every woman up and down the country has been to a Magic Mike production at every hen do. I’ve never even seen a male stripper in real life, and I’ve been to plenty of hen dos.

sesquipedalian · 20/04/2026 22:30

OP, I really don’t think you have any need to feel humiliated - this was absolutely nothing to do with you: this was drunken men behaving badly on a stag do. The older I get, the more profoundly grateful I am that there were no such things as phones that could take videos when I was young - because the trouble is, at such an occasion, there will always be one who thinks it’s a lark to film it and send it to someone. I don’t think it was at all kind of your friend to send you the video - I’d delete it and forget about it. If this is totally out of character for your future DH, then move on.

LittleJustice · 20/04/2026 22:31

CowTown · 20/04/2026 22:30

Why so many comparisons to Magic Mike? I haven’t seen it, nor have I heard any of my friends or family talking about going to see Magic Mike. The amount of times Magic Mike has been mentioned on this thread, you’d think every woman up and down the country has been to a Magic Mike production at every hen do. I’ve never even seen a male stripper in real life, and I’ve been to plenty of hen dos.

Absolutely agree I think it's grim watching people take their clothes off whichever sex they are.

Never been to a stripper and I've been to loads of hen dos.

IneedAniffler · 20/04/2026 22:33

Aquadream · 20/04/2026 22:30

I am seriously weighing up first thing tomorrow, looking at what the financial implications would be of postponing the wedding. I am spitting mad and reading these replies has made me realise I need to make a stand.

Its fucking horrible

But if you were fine with it you wouldn't be posting on here

Im so sorry he has let you down. You do not deserve this

CowTown · 20/04/2026 22:33

Aquadream · 20/04/2026 22:30

I am seriously weighing up first thing tomorrow, looking at what the financial implications would be of postponing the wedding. I am spitting mad and reading these replies has made me realise I need to make a stand.

You don’t have to do anything right now, OP—do your research on the finances of it all, and do whatever you need to do to get some breathing space to get your bearings. I would personally probably stop wearing my engagement ring and tell my DP that I needed some time to re-assess.

JockTamsonsBairns · 20/04/2026 22:33

MasterBeth · 20/04/2026 22:23

But the Scottish Borders is packed with sex clubs and strip joints! You are so gullible!

Show quote history

Ecclefechan is the sex capital of Europe!