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Original poster

To feel humiliated by my fiancé's stag do video?

674 replies

Aquadream · 20/04/2026 20:52

I am not sure what I’m hoping for from posting this..probably some reassurance that I’m not being over the top in feeling so humiliated.

DP returned from his abroad stag do yesterday (we get married later in the summer). A big group went and I know a few of the other partners really well.

One of my friends who is married to one of my DP’s best mates messaged me whilst they were still away to say it sounded mental and she’d had a few photos/videos through from her other half, sent with a drunken message in the early hours of the morning.

She sent me one of the videos which was basically my DP on a sort of podium with a barely dressed woman/dancer wearing a really skimpy sort of bondage outfit. It’s about 2 minutes long and she pulls his shorts down and starts using a whip on him. She then gets him to lie down and she lowers herself above his face.

This is all egged on to cheers and shouting from the group.

I’ve confronted him about it - he says he was pushed into it and had no choice. He also said it was not a strip club and was a normal bar which happened to have the woman on the podium. I have googled the place and it is not a strip club. But the whole resort seems so sleazy. He said they’d been drinking in the sun all day and he barely remembers it, but that was happening to’all the others stags too’.

I find it so so embarrassing all the other partners have probably seen this video too, as it was in the group chat and people would have sent stuff on like happened with my friend.

Thanks to anyone still reading. Am I wrong to have reacted like this?

OP posts:
Iamthemoom · 20/04/2026 21:26

Theextraordinaryisintheordinary · 20/04/2026 21:10

If he didn’t kiss her or touch her in any way I would be upset initially but like a previous poster said, I’d probably take it as part of the stag if this behaviour is massively out of character for him? His friends sound immature.

Whoever sent you the video was sending you a juicy hook to stir up some drama. Don’t give her the pleasure of biting. She has tried to humiliate you. xo

Or maybe she was doing the OP a favour by showing her what was going on. She wasn’t the one humiliating the OP!!

NoisyHiker · 20/04/2026 21:26

I would be mortified op. Only because I'd be embarassed stood at the alter, wondering if some people there weren't thinking at all about the man in front of me earnestly confessing his devotion, but snickering about how he got his arse whipped in public and a random naked woman sitting on his face.

SpecialAgentMaggieBell · 20/04/2026 21:29

Be glad you found out now before you married this loser.

PILEALLTHEPILLSONTHEFLOOR · 20/04/2026 21:30

I would call off the wedding.

CowTown · 20/04/2026 21:30

I would call off the engagement for some breathing space, whilst I decided what to do. Bare minimum, if I wasn’t ready to walk away.

Tableforjoan · 20/04/2026 21:31

Problem is for me also. These are the videos they felt comfortable sharing.

What about the things they didn’t want people to see…

Beachwalker66 · 20/04/2026 21:32

I would lose all respect for him. Definitely wouldn’t be marrying this loser.

Blondeshavemorefun · 20/04/2026 21:35

Aquadream · 20/04/2026 21:10

@Random321 id say looked awkward but he was clearly very drunk

@Pallisers it wasn’t free the best man paid for it apparently

He needs better best friends /best man !

Only you can decide if this is a one off even tho wrong and deal with it or to say enough and don’t get married

popcorn215 · 20/04/2026 21:36

I would probably get second hand embarrassment watching it and I’m sure if your partner watched it back so would he.

I’m likely in the minority here but is it worth calling the wedding off, no, is it worth leaving him over also no, is it cheating? No. It’s a stag do, especially if you’re happy and he doesn’t act like this every time he goes on.

The reality is a lot of men and women don’t know what happens on stag do’s. Men can be like overgrown children and everyone knows the stag often gets the short straw.

it’s not great no, but it’s not worth calling the marriage off as some have suggested, like you I’d probably just be embarrassed more than anything, but honestly on your wedding day no one will even care.

Nodlikeyouwerelistening · 20/04/2026 21:38

Tableforjoan · 20/04/2026 21:31

Problem is for me also. These are the videos they felt comfortable sharing.

What about the things they didn’t want people to see…

This… You also lost me at the “I can’t remember, I was drunk”. Utter BS. He remembers everything and loved every second of it or he wouldn’t have done it.

Of course calling off the wedding is extreme, but I would. Divorce is expensive and stressful. I would at the very least be postponing the wedding until I was sure about this man and what he’s capable of.

Hankunamatata · 20/04/2026 21:38

Urgh somehting similar happneded to dh on his stag. Thank god there wasn't smart phones back in the day

TheBroonOneAndTheWhiteOne · 20/04/2026 21:38

Classy.

rwalker · 20/04/2026 21:39

I think he’s the one humiliated tied up and stripped in front of of the entire pub

Tootles1 · 20/04/2026 21:39

Sounds like this woman was pissed off with what was going on and wanted to shit stir for whatever reason. I’m not saying I particularly agree with the behaviour but tbh it just seems like usual stag do high jinks. Humiliating the groom is normal but in this instance it may be have been taken too far. Providing it’s out of character for your partner I’d let it get to you. Only you know if you can move on from it.

FrankieMcGrath · 20/04/2026 21:40

CowTown · 20/04/2026 21:30

I would call off the engagement for some breathing space, whilst I decided what to do. Bare minimum, if I wasn’t ready to walk away.

This! So sorry Op.

CowTown · 20/04/2026 21:40

popcorn215 · 20/04/2026 21:36

I would probably get second hand embarrassment watching it and I’m sure if your partner watched it back so would he.

I’m likely in the minority here but is it worth calling the wedding off, no, is it worth leaving him over also no, is it cheating? No. It’s a stag do, especially if you’re happy and he doesn’t act like this every time he goes on.

The reality is a lot of men and women don’t know what happens on stag do’s. Men can be like overgrown children and everyone knows the stag often gets the short straw.

it’s not great no, but it’s not worth calling the marriage off as some have suggested, like you I’d probably just be embarrassed more than anything, but honestly on your wedding day no one will even care.

So it’s not cheating if the woman was paid, and there was an audience?

SometimesThingsHappen · 20/04/2026 21:42

Something similar happened to me on my hen do. My friend took us to a place that had male strippers and arranged for a dance for me. He stripped down, made my lie down, put a cloth on my face and lowered himself over my face. I had no choice in the matter, did not know that was going to happen. I was drunk, it was just weird. In no way did I find it sexually arousing just embarrassing. I think everyone was a bit shocked as no-one has mentioned it since.

Just sharing as a counter point to all the shrieks of LTB! I also know that my DH went to a strip club and would have had a lap dance. And he's been to strip clubs other times, for stag dos and very occasionally for nights out. No, I'm not a huge fan, but the reality is it happens and for anyone pretending their precious husband has never and would never go to such a grim place, they probably have they just haven't told you about it. If they've been to a stag do, they've been to a strip club.

Odiebay · 20/04/2026 21:42

"pushed into it and had no choice" of it was a baked man doing that to him would he feel the same?. I'm pretty sure he would have scarpered real quick.

You are the company you keep OP and he is just like his friends I'm afraid.

QldGCandproud · 20/04/2026 21:43

CowTown · 20/04/2026 21:30

I would call off the engagement for some breathing space, whilst I decided what to do. Bare minimum, if I wasn’t ready to walk away.

I agree with this. I think it's precedent setting and I would set my own precedent that this behaviour is not acceptable or excusable, and that men who do this are not really marraige material. I would tell him that he needs time to work out what partnership really means to him, and that you need the same thing. It is very important that he understands that your standards matter and that you won't compromise them. Because this sets a standard, and marraige is a serious commitment for you. You are sharing your life. Set the terms. Good luck.

AuntChippy · 20/04/2026 21:43

A decent man would simply never get himself into this situation. He’s shown you he’s a lowly sleaze who objectifies women. No excuses regarding being drunk or coerced.

I’d call off the wedding.

Mumstheword1983 · 20/04/2026 21:43

popcorn215 · 20/04/2026 21:36

I would probably get second hand embarrassment watching it and I’m sure if your partner watched it back so would he.

I’m likely in the minority here but is it worth calling the wedding off, no, is it worth leaving him over also no, is it cheating? No. It’s a stag do, especially if you’re happy and he doesn’t act like this every time he goes on.

The reality is a lot of men and women don’t know what happens on stag do’s. Men can be like overgrown children and everyone knows the stag often gets the short straw.

it’s not great no, but it’s not worth calling the marriage off as some have suggested, like you I’d probably just be embarrassed more than anything, but honestly on your wedding day no one will even care.

This.

Tootles1 · 20/04/2026 21:44

popcorn215 · 20/04/2026 21:36

I would probably get second hand embarrassment watching it and I’m sure if your partner watched it back so would he.

I’m likely in the minority here but is it worth calling the wedding off, no, is it worth leaving him over also no, is it cheating? No. It’s a stag do, especially if you’re happy and he doesn’t act like this every time he goes on.

The reality is a lot of men and women don’t know what happens on stag do’s. Men can be like overgrown children and everyone knows the stag often gets the short straw.

it’s not great no, but it’s not worth calling the marriage off as some have suggested, like you I’d probably just be embarrassed more than anything, but honestly on your wedding day no one will even care.

I agree. I remember the days of what went on in hen/stag dos stayed there.

MarmaladeorJam · 20/04/2026 21:44

Theextraordinaryisintheordinary · 20/04/2026 21:10

If he didn’t kiss her or touch her in any way I would be upset initially but like a previous poster said, I’d probably take it as part of the stag if this behaviour is massively out of character for him? His friends sound immature.

Whoever sent you the video was sending you a juicy hook to stir up some drama. Don’t give her the pleasure of biting. She has tried to humiliate you. xo

A gang of men go out, get drunk, pay a woman to dress in bondage, simulate who knows what with a future husband, but the culprit, the person to watch out for, is not the pals who organized everything and who participated in it (and it therefore reasonable to think that it will happen every time they go away), but the woman who sent the video??

CowTown · 20/04/2026 21:44

“There was nothing I could do. My mate paid the sex worker to pull down my shorts and whip me. Then she forced me to lie on the floor whilst she grinded her kooch in my face. What could I have done? I was completely powerless.” Poor lamb.

TheWildZebra · 20/04/2026 21:44

SometimesThingsHappen · 20/04/2026 21:42

Something similar happened to me on my hen do. My friend took us to a place that had male strippers and arranged for a dance for me. He stripped down, made my lie down, put a cloth on my face and lowered himself over my face. I had no choice in the matter, did not know that was going to happen. I was drunk, it was just weird. In no way did I find it sexually arousing just embarrassing. I think everyone was a bit shocked as no-one has mentioned it since.

Just sharing as a counter point to all the shrieks of LTB! I also know that my DH went to a strip club and would have had a lap dance. And he's been to strip clubs other times, for stag dos and very occasionally for nights out. No, I'm not a huge fan, but the reality is it happens and for anyone pretending their precious husband has never and would never go to such a grim place, they probably have they just haven't told you about it. If they've been to a stag do, they've been to a strip club.

“If they’ve been to a stag do, they’ve been to a strip club” : er no. Men are totally capable of having stag dos without going into a strip club and having t*ts in their faces!