To feel humiliated by my fiancé's stag do video?

[Aquadream]

I am not sure what I’m hoping for from posting this..probably some reassurance that I’m not being over the top in feeling so humiliated.

DP returned from his abroad stag do yesterday (we get married later in the summer). A big group went and I know a few of the other partners really well.

One of my friends who is married to one of my DP’s best mates messaged me whilst they were still away to say it sounded mental and she’d had a few photos/videos through from her other half, sent with a drunken message in the early hours of the morning.

She sent me one of the videos which was basically my DP on a sort of podium with a barely dressed woman/dancer wearing a really skimpy sort of bondage outfit. It’s about 2 minutes long and she pulls his shorts down and starts using a whip on him. She then gets him to lie down and she lowers herself above his face.

This is all egged on to cheers and shouting from the group.

I’ve confronted him about it - he says he was pushed into it and had no choice. He also said it was not a strip club and was a normal bar which happened to have the woman on the podium. I have googled the place and it is not a strip club. But the whole resort seems so sleazy. He said they’d been drinking in the sun all day and he barely remembers it, but that was happening to’all the others stags too’.

I find it so so embarrassing all the other partners have probably seen this video too, as it was in the group chat and people would have sent stuff on like happened with my friend.

Thanks to anyone still reading. Am I wrong to have reacted like this?

I am now convinced this is not real and OP is winding you all up.

theres no way in real life OP would stomach a posh meal (which he would have enjoyed) - can’t imagine what they would have talked about during the meal when things are still so raw.

so one expensive meal and you are happy again 🙄

what did his mum think of the videos. Assume you / he told her why staying at hers ?

I think you’ve just taught him that he can do as he wants as long as he hides it better and spends money on you.

I thought most women had more pride than to eat a pity meal. Lovely way to start a marriage.

We have no idea though.

You might be right but then again he may well have shit himself that he very nearly trashed his future over this. Perhaps he got a wake up call.

Ultimately no one on this thread knows. So I think they only thing to do is wish the OP a happy wedding day!

good for you op
i hope you have left this thread

🤦🏻‍♀️ Oh sorry, I see what you mean.

Let me get one thing straight: she sat on his face, with no knickers on?

I think you’re missing the point op. Marriage is a long time. I would not want to be lied to or disrespected. But you are almost telling him it’s ok to behave that way as long as you buy me nice things after.

You do realise he’ll likely get involved and do the same on other stag dos throughout your marriage??

No the first one sat on gis face with knickers on and not much else

The second night was a nude performer that he retrieved a ribbon from her vagina with his mouth

Oh well, that’s ok, then!*

*sarcasm

It apparently is - as long as you get a fancy meal to make up for it.

I personally think that if someone respected their partner they wouldn't be paying to pull out a ribbon from a sex workers vagina on their stag night - and have it filmed to boot.

@Aquadreamseeing as you've shown him that he's fine to do whatever he likes, how are you going to feel next time he goes on a stag and does exactly the same and most likely worse?

You won't be told about it, or you might be, but when he shags a prostitute etc will a fancy dinner fix it then?

You can't say he won't do it again as you've basically given him permission to go ahead forever

And no, the food is not very much at his expense, its yours

I think it’s lovely that a simple meal out at a nice restaurant was able to resolve an issue you were considering walking out over!
Have a lovely wedding and an interesting marriage with lots of delicious restaurant food! 😁

Why on earth do people have to get so vicious over someone else’s choices?! Some of you are far too over invested. Her dh fucked up, she chose to sort it out with him rather than end the relationship. We aren’t privy to what was discussed between them or any other details of their relationship yet the usual suspects are here bleating ‘low standards’ and being snide. Fine to give your advice and opinion but to get so personally offended that someone hasn’t followed your LTB advice is fairly tragic.

Nobody is personally offended - it doesnt affect anyone else here
But it's a public forum- free for opinions to be given
You seem personally offended that they are vicious- don't thing they are. .. just honestly 🤷‍♀️

So true. He now knows there are zero consequences for shoving his face into a prostitute's genitals or letting a prostitute do the same to him. God knows what else he did that wasn't on video.

But he bought her a nice meal and said "Soz, luv!" so all is forgiven. Oh dear.

I think people forget that calling off a much planned wedding (especially happening soon) is not a simple task. Months sometimes years of planning, arranging, tiny details. All the questions, money lost especially if parents had contributed. And possibly people trying to talk you out of "over reacting, it was just a bit of stag fun".

I think the OP was between a rock and a hard place in truth. She will soon learn if it's an indicator of his general behaviour... and she's the one that will have to live with that.

I think people forget that calling off a much planned wedding (especially happening soon) is not a simple task.

Compared to ending a marriage and all kinds of joint commitments it's a doddle.

This is the honeymoon period. This is as good as the relationship is ever going to be and it's already so bad she has to post online about her concerns.

The OP is walking into a disaster and she's taking her DP with her. If she really must get married when she isn't 100% sure she should at least tell him so he can make a decision with his eyes open and walk away if he doesn't want to chance it.

I still don’t get what the problem is. What do you think happened on stag dos back in the nineties when no one had a smart phone and nothing was videoed? If people insist on having their phones out the whole time filming everything then this is what happens.

This.

Has he no ability to say no. What a weak willed man. He sound like one of those people who'd do anything he's told to by his mates. Or he enjoyed it and is using "they made me fo it' as an excuse.

What on earth? What does smart phones have to do with it? Are you saying, as long as it’s not recorded on a smart phone, then it’s fine? Does this extend to other things or just confined to men using strippers and sex workers?

Also, what the 90’s have to do with it? They had slavery in the 1800’s, that was considered fine and dandy, then people realised it wasn’t, so referencing a time in the past to justify why this is fine is just odd.

Cos what happens on stage dos shouldn’t be broadcast. Nothing is private anymore. Everyone has to show photos or videos of absolutely everything they do all the time. Back in the nineties you could get shitfaced and dance like a tit, snog a stranger and throw up and it was not be recorded and broadcast on-line. No need to worry about everyone knowing everything.

Maybe people shouldn't be acting like fannies on their stag night