To feel humiliated by my fiancé's stag do video?

[Aquadream]

I am not sure what I’m hoping for from posting this..probably some reassurance that I’m not being over the top in feeling so humiliated.

DP returned from his abroad stag do yesterday (we get married later in the summer). A big group went and I know a few of the other partners really well.

One of my friends who is married to one of my DP’s best mates messaged me whilst they were still away to say it sounded mental and she’d had a few photos/videos through from her other half, sent with a drunken message in the early hours of the morning.

She sent me one of the videos which was basically my DP on a sort of podium with a barely dressed woman/dancer wearing a really skimpy sort of bondage outfit. It’s about 2 minutes long and she pulls his shorts down and starts using a whip on him. She then gets him to lie down and she lowers herself above his face.

This is all egged on to cheers and shouting from the group.

I’ve confronted him about it - he says he was pushed into it and had no choice. He also said it was not a strip club and was a normal bar which happened to have the woman on the podium. I have googled the place and it is not a strip club. But the whole resort seems so sleazy. He said they’d been drinking in the sun all day and he barely remembers it, but that was happening to’all the others stags too’.

I find it so so embarrassing all the other partners have probably seen this video too, as it was in the group chat and people would have sent stuff on like happened with my friend.

Thanks to anyone still reading. Am I wrong to have reacted like this?

Matter of opinion

I’m pleased to report that the restaurant was very much up to standard last night and very much at my fiancé’s expense 😅

Yeah, OP is the problem here 🙄

And? Are you back posting to be smug that all it took was a fancy meal to get your partner back in your good books?

You’re easily bought OP. He definitely won’t have learned anything from this apart from you’re a mug.

I am so sorry. this is horrific. I couldn't take any man seriously who takes part in dumb stuff like this. sleazy.

I thought the nest of vipers would appreciate the update. Have a lovely Saturday 😘

Well I hope it all works out for you OP & you have a lovely wedding & a lovely life X

🤮

Thanks lovely x

Well don’t go crying when he carries on misbehaving through your marriage. You know what you’re getting so at least you’ll take his crap in your stride. The fancy dinners will become a McDonalds and then it’ll relegate to a shut up nagging!

Humiliation can be offset by a fancy dinner, who knew? 🤷‍♀️

Nest of vipers. Come on. You posted saying that you were considering postponing the wedding because of what you saw on that video and a fancy meal means all is forgiven and you seem to think it's funny Where's your self respect? Where's your concern for women who do sex work to survive financially ? Is it all one big joke to you?

Of course - and there will be other stag nights no doubt that he'll go on. I couldn't fathom walking down the aisle with guests knowing what the groom got up to on his stag night - and finding out by accident - and he wasn't going to tell her

It's almost like it was never a big deal in the first place and it was 33 pages of LTB drama and posters winding themselves up over nothing...

Who cares enough to be annoyed she got over it like a normal person?

I think too many people normalise casual every day misogyny. It's become accepted for men to go on stag nights and go to strip clubs where women are used like objects. From humiliation and thinking of postponing the wedding to fancy dinner and being smug about it in five days

To be fair she made it clear that’s what it would take 🤷‍♀️

Normal person. Well maybe I'm someone who has more self respect than to stay with a partner who goes on a night out and has someone with barely any clothes on writhing over his face and then the next night pulls a ribbon out of a strangers fanny.

And then says nothing about it and she finds out via what's app. That's not my definition of normal

If its other peoples. That's up to them

I'm delighted and relieved that you have found a way through this. It has been really tough for you. I may be wrong, but I can't imagine that he will do anything like this again given the last few days. Take care, and I hope that the wedding is all that you wish it to be.

I don't think anyone really does care that much. We don't have to be married to this guy and deal with whatever that brings. We won't even know. Good luck to OP.

Yes, but it's both of them really.

Her bar was too low and he hopped too nonchalantly over it. I just don't think either of them are seeing the full implications of his actions, which doesn't bode well and was what made me feel the whole thing doesn't have staying power. For a relationship to work there needs to be more respect and more self-respect.

I worked in a night club for a few years while I was a student. The amount of women sucking dick lollies and screaming over male strippers was repulsive. They were just as disgusting as the men in their stag nights and have no class.

Not something I would want to do and I didn't marry someone who would do it either, we're both quiet people and very reserved. But the amount of it that goes on shows that really it is normal. It happens every Saturday night FFS. Sometimes twice a week. Every week. Here and in other countries around the world. I don't care what other people get up to or what their personal standards for a partner are, why do you care so much? You seem personally offended.

Exactly the same thing will happen when his next friend gets married, a stag do for someone in the same group with the same people attending will end up the same way. It’s not a one-off.

I hope you did an STD test, and will continue to do them after every ‘lads holiday’.

And I hope you have a list of more restaurants to visit afterwards. Because that’s all he’ll have to do. For him, there was no downside really. ‘Face in someone’s fanny’ as someone phrased it (🤣) then a great meal with the girlfriend who is easily bought. Literally no downside for him.

Just out of interest, what did he say when you asked if she was trafficked?

Yes I was waiting for the "women do it too" line to be trotted out. Ps. No need to try and psycho analyse me either

Pretty sure that question won't have been asked.