To feel humiliated by my fiancé's stag do video?

[Aquadream]

I am not sure what I’m hoping for from posting this..probably some reassurance that I’m not being over the top in feeling so humiliated.

DP returned from his abroad stag do yesterday (we get married later in the summer). A big group went and I know a few of the other partners really well.

One of my friends who is married to one of my DP’s best mates messaged me whilst they were still away to say it sounded mental and she’d had a few photos/videos through from her other half, sent with a drunken message in the early hours of the morning.

She sent me one of the videos which was basically my DP on a sort of podium with a barely dressed woman/dancer wearing a really skimpy sort of bondage outfit. It’s about 2 minutes long and she pulls his shorts down and starts using a whip on him. She then gets him to lie down and she lowers herself above his face.

This is all egged on to cheers and shouting from the group.

I’ve confronted him about it - he says he was pushed into it and had no choice. He also said it was not a strip club and was a normal bar which happened to have the woman on the podium. I have googled the place and it is not a strip club. But the whole resort seems so sleazy. He said they’d been drinking in the sun all day and he barely remembers it, but that was happening to’all the others stags too’.

I find it so so embarrassing all the other partners have probably seen this video too, as it was in the group chat and people would have sent stuff on like happened with my friend.

Thanks to anyone still reading. Am I wrong to have reacted like this?

It seems a reasonable question since you're here determined to put the OP down. Talk forums aren't a one way kicking.

Do you think that the male strippers who were in the nightclub that you worked in were forced into it or trafficked like some of the women that work in sex/strip clubs? It goes on everywhere so it's ok? Do you think it's ok that the OP found out by chance via what's app and not from her fiancé? Is it OK that he lied to her?

Funny that it's only my posts that you are taking issue with when several people have said the same thing? Isn't it?

I'm posting my opinion - and if you don't like it - scroll on

If you read the “what’s the worst thing you’ve ever done” thread, most people on there are ashamed of those things and wouldn’t ever do them again. Perhaps ops soon to be husband is one of those? We don’t know him, op does.

You're the one who seems most determined to put her down since she updated and have posted the most since then. You're not just one in the crowd.

I think it's highly doubtful these women were trafficked in a main stream holiday resort. It's just another thing wheeled out to manufacture drama, typical MN. I believe any behaviour, however disgusting I personally find it is fine if both parties are consenting adults.

I literally don't care about the OPs relationship dynamics, it's not my relationship. You're the one that seems overly invested, and determined to stick the boot in. If you don't want to be called out for that then don't do it. It's a free forum, posters can point out and comment on what they like, including your posts.

Yes that's right. I didn't sleep last night for wondering what the update on this thread was.

Is that right? Well maybe you should do some research into why women end up in sex work before you dismiss it as being "typical mumsnet". I have as part of a degree. My views on sex workers aren't simply driven by what someone says on mumsnet.

The fact that you think it's ok that the OPs partner pulled a ribbon out of a complete strangers vagina for "lolz" on a stag night because they were consenting adults tells me everything I need to know about you.

You can follow me around all day if you like. It's your own time you're wasting

I don't disagree with the content of your post but, if you're really losing sleep over a thread, maybe it's a good idea to step away before you get that invested? Your health matters.

I didn't lose sleep over it - I was joking

OK, I did hope that was sarcasm :-)

The fact that you think it's ok that the OPs partner pulled a ribbon out of a complete strangers vagina for "lolz" on a stag night because they were consenting adults tells me everything I need to know about you. Now this is a classic MN line 😂

Yeah sure. You know everything about me, someone you've never even met. You don't even know what I think about people pulling ribbons out of vaginas because you're wrong, but thanks for the psycho analysis! Thought we were avoiding that?

You might want to look at why you're so intent on putting people down online. It's not a good look.

I'm sure you'll figure it out seeing as you seem to know everything about everything 😏

PS. I don't do "classic MN lines". I have my own opinions

I cant belive a fancy restaurant let him get away with sticking his face in between someone else's legs, to pull a ribbon out of her fanny in front of his mates while they all laughed and recorded it ... then proceeded to show/send it to their wives, who also thought it was funny ...

Imagine walking down the aisle to him waiting while most of the congregation know where hes been ...

🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮

No self respect here...

I may be wrong, but I can't imagine that he will do anything like this again given the last few days.

On the contrary.

He now knows that he can get away with an awful lot that many (most?) would consider unacceptable….. for the price of a meal in a fancy restaurant… 🤠

PS. I don't do "classic MN lines". I have my own opinions

Oh but you're wheeling them all out!

You say nest of vipers and I get it but women overlook things like this and hindsight is 20/20

Yawn

The ribbon activity happened in a club on the stag do overseas. Not in a fancy restaurant!

The fancy restaurant was OP's reward for letting her husband get away with putting his face in sex workers fannies on the stag do.

OP, you're setting yourself up for a lifetime of hurt.

I too am surprised that he is forgiven so easily. I think that the op should talk about it with family and close friends who actually know him and can better advise. I think the video would play on my mind in a nightmarish repeat and be hard to forget.
The hurt and betrayal will take some time to get over.

Maybe if the "nest of vipers" who supported the OP when she said she was humiliated and wanted to postpone the wedding - and truthfully said they would feel the same - bought her dinner she'd forgive them too.

Meanwhile the only advice I will repeat to OP is to be tested for stds (well I advised she ask her darling fiance to be tested but that horse has probably left the barn)

And they say the way to a MAN's heart is through his stomach!

Honestly op, I'm surprised you could muster up an appetite given the circumstances.

I'm not as firmly minded as some posters that it is absolutely the wrong thing to forgive and move on if he really displayed contrition and it was utterly out of character - which ultimately we cannot know.

But being taken out for a meal is just not an appropriate salve in this instance op. The fact you are placing such weight on it - and the fact that he paid (well imagine you having to in this circumstance!) - makes me worry about the dynamics behind and beyond this incident. I mean how much can a meal actually cost? Probably less than they paid the woman to do the ribbon routine.

Forgive him or don’t forgive him. Tackle it or laugh it off. But don’t ever let your moral instincts be bought off.
The OP’s DP has just been given a lesson by the OP. He’s been taught the unforgivable lie that all women have a price. The stripper. The woman pulling ribbons out of “her middle”. And his wife-to-be. The wife-to-be’s is dinner!

I ‘d be furious and dread the video reappearing at some time - you have no idea who might see it, including his future employers if it gets posted on social media.

I wish you the very best OP, but his lack of accountability in this instance, will not be the last time you hear "it was out of his control", I suspect.

I hope you won't regret starting off marriage on this basis.

An expensive meal is a very cheap penalty, but each to their own.

Why don’t you ask him that if on your hen night and you saw a stripper and he had a cock ring on and you had to pull it off with either your lips or teeth, how would he react. Im quite curious to know if you would get out of his bad books with a slap up meal

Yes, thats obviously what i was saying ... a fancy restaurant let him get away with it ..