to be fed up with how little I can eat now I’m menopausal?

[menno]

Since hitting menopause my metabolism seems to have just given up. I have to live on salads and protein twice a day to keep my weight stable.

I do weight training 3–4 times a week and exercise regularly. I guess that helps otherwise I would gain weight.

Last week I went out for a birthday dinner and also had afternoon tea and cake and I’ve put on 2kg. Now I have to go straight back to being super strict, like fish/meat and vegetables every night just to shift it again.

Pre-menopause I could eat more without watching everything. If I did gain, it would drop easily. Now it is hard work.

DH and teen DC put away huge amounts of food and I have to watch everything I am eating.

AIBU to find this really depressing and restrictive?

I don’t think the 2kg you put in could have been 2kg in fat!

I hear you, it's miserable isn't it....

Yep same here….

It’s water retention, you haven’t put on 2kg of fat immediately after eating some cake. I had the same issue - I now eat a permanently keto diet because carbs were causing me to bloat up, I eat very well and loads and have been the same weight for years. It may or may not be something you’d like to give a go.

Yes it's depressing but you sound like you're making a good go of eating to maintain the weight you are happy with and to future proof yourself. You can still treat yourself, but in other things which suit you better nutritionally. You're doing all the right things.
What really IS depressing is the number of younger people (ie pre menopausal) who think you're eating this way as some sort of stealth brag, this is a theme that comes up here now and then.
"my parents will come out with us only to eat no more than half a potato and some salmon, abusive! Controlling! Judgy! I'm going no contact".
They know nothing!

I hear you. I’m down to one meal a day and the scales still aren’t shifting.

Could it be worth getting your thyroid checked? Low estrogen is implicated strongly in hashimotos and an underactive thyroid which can cause havoc with weight gain.

I empathise. I'm a lot older now, but it's only in the last year or so that I am finding it impossible to even LOOK at a dessert without gaining something!

I'll tell you what I do and it's just discipline really with a few treats thrown in. I do the 16/8 eating window (intermittent fasting). I use it every day unless I'm going out to something special etc. I just try to be sensible during the 8 hour eating time, but I do have the occasional treat, and pull back on something else. It is a good habit forming thing for me, and keeps me out of the nosebag in the evenings!

If I find things creeping up, I am super strict one day, and loosen up a bit the next. I suppose we all have to find what works for us, but that (more or less) works for me and keeps things relatively stable.

Same here. I have to be so strict with what I eat, otherwise the pounds pile on. I track my calories religiously now. I had a spell where I was eating 1800 cals a day and doing 4 weight workouts a week and I didn’t lose any weight at all in 6 weeks. It is so depressing.

So much of being a woman feels unfair sometimes.
I’ve always struggled with my weight and balancing happiness and health is hard.
Do you have a healthy BMI right now? Do you know you TDEE calories.
Sounds like you are really putting your health as a priority. Could it be you are intolerant to some carbohydrate sources if reactive to them?

I'd step away from the scales, tbh, and just focus on staying healthy without getting worked up over numbers

The elderly parents eating a forkful of food scenario is not the same thing at all.
My dad is certainly not post menopause yet he will call everyone a glutton if they can finish a restaurant portion when we are out as a family. Likewise my mum is amazed at the amount of vegetables people will eat in one meal sitting yet can have 16 (i counted,) cups of tea with (just one or two) biscuits through the day. They just seem to have no appetite for "real" food.

I dared to look at a cake this weekend and now my shirt doesn't button up. It's not the same.

Yep - same here. It's so fucking depressing. I don't eat a lot, but I like to have three small meals per day and to have a cup of coffee (with milk) mid-morning. I run 3x a week and I'm otherwise fairly active too, but in the past year I've gained 3kg. Why? I haven't been doing anything differently? Oh yes, I haven't had a period since the autumn, so it would appear to be menopause. My shape is changing too. I've suddenly gained additional bulk around my arse. To get rid of this weight I'm going to have to do something drastically different. I hate lifting weights, but everyone seems to be telling me that that's what I need to do 😩

I looked at my Teedee for the first time in a while recently. My defecit calories were suggested at 950 a day. How do I possible get enough of everything I should, protein, fibre etc. with that low intake? I feel I need to resort to diet shakes or something but that's not a long term answer.
I feel your pain OP, not sure I know the answers but I sympathise.

That’s not a theme at all. People come on here upset at parents who narrate the whole meal and suggest that their offspring are monsters if they can eat more. And it’s often been a theme their whole lives, not just as they get older. Eating less to maintains one weight and not mentioning it is never an issue that anyone complains on here about.

I have seen various threads where people accuse people of being performative in their not eating much.
I am thinking of one in particular about people bringing cakes to work where people were accused of being performative for cutting the thinnest possible sliver or only taking half a doughnut, as if it wasn’t possible they were simply trying to join in the office socialising while minimising calories.

You have to play a very long game. Aim to walk as much as possible, drink loads of water, don't eat after 8 pm and be prepared for weight loss to take a very long time. It will go if you stick at it, it's just very, very boring

I am in the same boat. I have tried everything and after four years of rabbit food my weight is creeping up. Seemingly, that’s what happens if you diet ruthlessly 😱
I think that the answer is more research. If this was a man problem I’m sure that there’d be a solution by now. In the meantime, women are struggling with Type II diabetes, Metabolic Syndrome, thyroid problems, Cortisol problems and more just to be told that we’re not making enough effort.

The 2kg was muscle glycogen and water and not fat. If you are weight training and under eating (ie under maintenance) you won’t be able to gain muscle so the weight training will be a waste of time.

The evidence points to it being a reduction of muscle mass that leads to a lower metabolism but yes the body is more insulin resistance so responds less well to carbs esp simple carbs. I am finding I can eat similar amounts as long as I pivot towards higher protein.

Did you eat 14,000 kcals over your tdee that day? If not, then it's not fat and will go away again.

No I didn't but it has been a week and the weight is still there.

I find this at work. There will be a birthday and I will have a tiny slice and everyone will be saying why are you having such a tiny amount? That is all I can get away with.

I can no longer eat bread, potatoes, pasta, rice or flour based foods, unless I want to be the size of a house. It balloons me. If I cut it out, it drops off, even if I'm eating loads of everything else.

I put on over a stone when menopause hit. The way I’ve got rid of it has been intermittent fasting, 16 hours of fast and an 8 hour window to eat a healthy balanced diet. I now tend to have two meals a day, always have overnight oats at around 11am, I’m then full until at least 6pm. I generally eat the same as my hubby, smaller portions, eg, chicken, veg, potatoes etc. If I want a small desert I’ll have one. I’ve lost the excess weight and it’s staying off, it’s also easy to keep it up on holidays.

I just can’t live like that, so I’ve got a bit fat!