to be fed up with how little I can eat now I’m menopausal?

[menno]

Since hitting menopause my metabolism seems to have just given up. I have to live on salads and protein twice a day to keep my weight stable.

I do weight training 3–4 times a week and exercise regularly. I guess that helps otherwise I would gain weight.

Last week I went out for a birthday dinner and also had afternoon tea and cake and I’ve put on 2kg. Now I have to go straight back to being super strict, like fish/meat and vegetables every night just to shift it again.

Pre-menopause I could eat more without watching everything. If I did gain, it would drop easily. Now it is hard work.

DH and teen DC put away huge amounts of food and I have to watch everything I am eating.

AIBU to find this really depressing and restrictive?

How do we stop the weight gain then? If I eat more my weight goes up. I am already in the overweight category.

You said you were 5 1. So that’s a BMI of 23.2 - over weight for some ethnic groups (due to likelihood of lower muscle mass)

If your tdee is genuinlh only 1200 then you’re incredibly sendentary so I’d move more.

Agree - body tends to settle at the weight we should be. I’ve accepted that I’m a bit heavier now as when I tried to lose weight my body clung on to it. I focus on eating healthily and upping weight training. Plus lots of walking. I accept I won’t have a flat stomach without serious under eating.

I know this sounds torturous, but cold water seems to have reset my metabolism.
I gained 3 stone in menopause.
I did keto after a cancer diagnosis. That resulted in the excess weight being lost.
I lost too much, and went back to a normal-ish diet. I eat carbs, but I try to limit sugar.
Started cold showers/ cold plunging daily.
Ive had the all clear from cancer, but the weight has stayed off.

Lift heavy weights and eat more protein. How much protein are you eating per day?

Heavy means can only manage 4-6 reps. May need to find a class or a PT. For example when I deadlift if I go up to around 95kg I can only do 5-6 reps. In bodypump I do endless reps at 20kg - more cardio than weight training.

I can’t remember what exercise you said you did. But I’d suggest not focusing on weight and trying to build some muscle. As that helps us burn more calories. Then make sure you’re hitting enough steps a day.

3 healthy meals with enough protein and fibre. No UPF.

I’m 58kg, if I lay in bed and didn’t move I’d burn 1200 cals, that’s my bmr. Basic metabolic rate. My tdee is about 2400. That’s my total daily energy expenditure.

if someone’s tdee is so low it usually means they are bed or chair bound.

It’s really not. I eat low carb. I don’t eat grains but I eat loads of cruciferous and salad veg and easily get my 30g a day.

This.

I actually did a little experiment with DD this morning after she asked me why I weigh my museli every day when surely by now I know what a portion looks like.

I told her to pour out a portion of museli (45g) based on what she's seen me eat. She poured out 73g, so almost double. She then used the scales and poured out 45g. An hour later, I told her to pour another portion based on what she'd measured earlier. She poured out 62g.

Unless you are weighing everything, you are underestimating your cals. There's no need to take it too far, underestimating veggies isn't going to make a massive difference, but underestimating grains, fats, carbs, protein can absolutely knock you off track. As can undereating.

Under-eating lowers your TDEE because your body tries to preserve energy - you don't fidget as much, you don't move as much, etc. It also lowers your BMR because you start burning muscle.

Women above a certain age should be focused on building and maintaining muscle, and to do this, we need to eat at or close to maintenance. If you're under-eating, no amount of strength training is going to help you. You might get stronger as you become more efficient, your cardio fitness might improve, but your overall lean mass will stay the same (or worse, decline).

Eat properly, people, 800 calories is not enough unless you're 3ft tall and in a coma.

Ok I’ve seen that you do weight training. Are you doing progressive overload? And you can’t build muscle in a calorie deficit…

All of this! Nobody should be surviving on 800 calories a day.

Yes I am in an ethnic group which makes me overweight.

I would cut the cardio down and increase the weight training. Pilates is not weight training. Trade the spinning and half the running for weight lifting - you already have the running for cardio (and even the running is too much). Once in have 6x 45 weight lifting (either gym machine or free weights but needs to be heavy) a week (and much more protein) you’ll see a massive difference in your body composition.

None of them are, or 1200. It’s an under estimation of cals consumed. To maintain she prob needs about 1800 or so. So she’s likely eating to that. It’s not uncommon people under estimating.

Welcome to my world.
I'm afraid to tell you it may not improve.
I'm nearly 70. Pretty active, walk daily, Zumba twice a week, stretching and exercise regime including light weights and I struggle to keep weight off. It's a bit deflating when you know if you fall off the healthy eating bandwagon for a just a day that kilo that took 3 weeks to drop will be back on like lightning. I do 16:8, 2 meals a day.
Pre menopause I used to be about 58 kgs. Over the years it has gradually gone up to 66 kgs and it's a fight to stop it increasing.

So even more important to lift heavy weights and eat more protein.

I walk a minimum of 10k steps a day, weight training 3-4 times a week. Today I have been for 2 walks and at nearly 14k steps. I can't do much more.

It very much really is, unless you are eating about 5kg a day of broccoli. As for "salad veg" - 100g each of romaine lettuce and cherry tomatoes only adds up to about 4g total so I struggle to believe you are getting in 30g fibre unless you are also eating legumes and seeds.

I could lift heavier weights. I have around 70g of protein a day,

Then you’re vastly under estimating your calories. Vastly. The body can’t fuel its self on air and no way your tdee is 1200, I suspect that’s your bmr.

It may be the weights OP. If you just lift the same every time the body adapts. We need progressive overload and they need to be pretty heavy (for you).

And could eat more protein as well to go with that. Would help you feel fuller as well.

But this is part of the problem (and I know Pilates isn't weight training but it does keep me flexible and help my sciatica) I have no weights and no access to a gym. So I'd have to buy sets of weights, find somewhere to keep them and then find more time to walk the dog (because of quitting half the running).

I know I need to do more weights, it's just opportunity and equipment that is lacking right now.

And I know that the exercise I do do helps with my weight, because if I have to not do it for a while (like injury) then the weight goes on even if I don't eat any more. So at present I am doing what I can and what works (for me) with lifestyle and time, and I will work in weights when I get the chance.

I would look at eating 1.5 times body weight in protein. So aiming more towards 100 grams.