AIBU to refuse moving in if asked to pay half his mortgage?

[HolyCheeses]

I have a small house here which I am renovating alone with a view to then downsize slightly leaving me with a smaller mortgage (I have 3 adult 18+ DC all at uni/jobs living independently)

My Boyfriend and I have been together for 4 years

Hes almost finishing renovating a huge property with an annexe for his parents. Hes asked me to move and has asked me to be very involved with decision making for the home -

Hes 8 weeks away from being able to move back in and has been asking about planning and pushing for me to give him a date for relocation . I told him we’d need to discuss finances first. His idea of fair varies massively from mine.

He has proposed we split the bills down the middle 50:50 and the same for his mortgage.

They would leave me worse off than where I am now. Having to find and settle into a new job and location is a risk as it is and I’d have no disposable income after such huge living costs

He earns twice what I do and I don’t feel comfortable paying towards a mortgage of a property I’d not have a stake in subsidising his asset whilst diminishing my financial stability.

he cannot see my point of view at all and has told me I’d pay the same in rent in a flat but that’s not the point - I’d be better off where I am

i am being unreasonable- he’s seems bereft and stunned I’m not leaping at the chance to move next month!??

Oh for fucks sake are we back to the Mumsnet chicken feeding the 5000 again?
Most normal people will spend £1400 a month on four adults on food.

Yikes what a thread. Ok so glad you're being so clear sighted about it, it's an absolute raw deal for you.

£300+ a week? No they don't.

I’d just not move in . I can’t see any benefits what so ever .

Why is OP expected to pay for her boyfriend's parents' food though?

It's £1400 for TWO people, according to the DP's spreadsheet but posters thinking he's slipping in his parents costs too.
Still high even for four adults, two of whom are elderly so probably don't eat much.

I agree that this Council Tax amount is in the ballpark for a terraced Band A or Band B, not a big detached house.

Yet all the other amounts on his spreadsheet are stupidly high.

It all sounds deeply dodgy.

Please don't move in with this man even if he amends the spreadsheet to 30/ 70 or 1/3 for each party living there.

Once you are living there it will be a slippery slope to oh let's have Mum & Dad for breakfast, lunch & dinner. Oh mum has a Dr appointment but I have a important meeting at work.... oh while you strip our bed could you do theirs as well? Or worse: oh your DC is here from uni, could they help Mum & Dad with whatever...

I was presented with a spreadsheet once as well. He had included the costs for his car, which I wasn't insured on and never drove and his child maintenance payments!

He shot himself in the foot though. Just like with OP it was more expensive to live with him than stay where I was. I told him that and refused all further attempts to rope me in.

OMG! What a knobber.

@HolyCheeses sky £180 ????
who’s dog ?
bloody hell that's a lot of food and I’m fussy. .

Oh op he is taking the mick out of you . Wow

You have said you are telling him
you are not living in , I do believe you should end the relationship too like you said. .

Is the dog yours? Did I miss this? Does he want you to pay to have his dog walked?

I thought OP meant that he hadn't divided the totals between him, his parents and OP.

I think the £1400 food is for his parents too.

But that's my understanding and only OP can confirm,

OP has her head switched on but I really hope the next woman he ropes in is also clued up and not swayed by the thought of moving into a big house.

I live with my boyfriend and we split the bills but he pays his mortgage.
Why 2 people would both pay half into an investment in only one of their names is beyond me. If paid towards his mortgage then he’s profiting off me.

How's everyone finding these cheap insurances? Ours it approx £700 pa for a modest 3 bed...

You can strip it out to just the basics and increase the voluntary excess, it just depends on what you are comfortable with.

Do you live in a particularly high crime area or have a risk of flooding etc.?

Our home insurance for a 3 bed is £250 per annum with Admiral. Building and content.

I’m so glad you posted. Don’t doubt yourself again!

And you get nothing at the end … so effectively paying rent. It’s a no from me.

Of course he knows.

I wouldn't even bother saying anything. I'd just block him, OP.

If you start paying to his mortgage keep all details of payments and you will have a stake in the property

Three adults. Approx £125 on (Ocado) online order, plus £25 top up, so equates to £50 per person per week. So four people £200 -£250 per week, £1000 per month, but op shouldn’t be contributing to the parents (and was £1400 for two people?).

Edit, If you start paying to his mortgage keep all details of payments and you MAY have a stake in the property but it could be messy and expensive. Apologies for the edit op

Agree as long as your name goes on the deeds 😉