Wealthy MIL hoarding money

[hoardingwealth]

MIL is worth a few Million. Lives in a 6 bed, 6 bath mansion. Has multiple cars. Takes several long haul holidays every year, always business class. Lots of investments. Lots and lots of properties that she rents out. She's in very good health and in her mid 70's. Most women in the family live until 95. I'd say she's on track to do the same.

Now here's the rub. She was given a property and a business by her wealthy parents. She also inherited substantially. But she has effectively pulled up the ladder behind her, and has not given any such help to DH or his brother. We are ok for money, however BIL is on the breadline. He has young kids too. They are crammed into a tiny ex-council house and live pay cheque to pay cheque. They have no treats or niceties, no meals out, no holidays etc, as the money just won't stretch.

Obviously when MIL passes, unless she needs care, DH and BIL will receive a very nice inheritance, but if she does indeed live until 95, DH and BIL will be in their early 70's by then.

How would you feel about this? I'm struggling to wrap my head around it, tbh. DH and I have adult children, and we have helped them financially to get on the housing ladder, to get married etc, even though we don't have anything near this kind of wealth.

AIBU to think that MIL should have done the same as her parents did for her, and given DH and BIL a leg up, just like she had?

Has anyone else experienced this?

Did she not leave any to you?

It' none of yorr business. Why,are you bothered. You've got enough money. Why dint't you help your bil.

It’s odd, but many of that generation are funny about leaving to children and not necessarily directly to their grandchildren. I have suggested that PiLs leave DH’s share directly to DGC but they want to keep it fair between DH and SiL. My kids will inherit from both as SiL has no kids so mine are the only grandkids.

Ultimately DH will invest in assets that the DC will get, but it will be subject to IHT as he will have assets of his own taking his bequests over the threshold, so the DCs will get it eventually but just much less of it after the tax man has had two bits of the cherry, so to speak. It makes no sense.

We are ok for money, however BIL is on the breadline. He has young kids too. They are crammed into a tiny ex-council house and live pay cheque to pay cheque. They have no treats or niceties, no meals out, no holidays etc, as the money just won't stretch.

I find it weird that your DH doesn’t treat his brother more.

It seems the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree.

We don't have ££££ lying around like MIL does.

have suggested that PiLs leave DH’s share directly to DGC but they want to keep it fair between DH and SiL. My kids will inherit from both as SiL has no kids so mine are the only grandkids.

Not sure who ‘both’ are but your SIL may want to leave her money to someone else, not necessarily your kids.

Exactly. I bet the MIL squeaks when she walks 😬🤦‍♂️

Enough to give lots to your dc though.

I can’t imagine a brother not helping his brother. Your DH isn’t that different from his mum.

Eh?

A brother isn’t different from a parent?

Behave yourself!

Each brother has their own children to help and support in life.

Imagine even suggesting that!

What a greedy cow the mil is..

Couldn’t imagine a world where I could help my kids….but then… not.

Yes, I have helped my siblings in difficult circumstances because I love them and they are family.

You have a strange attitude to family..

How horrible.

I’ll never understand why someone would have children, raise them and love them only to leave this kind of legacy behind.

I would never want to be remembered like by this my family.

I can’t help but laugh at all the comments saying that she can spend her money how she wishes, she doesn’t owe her children anything, why don’t you and your husband help if you care so much.

Can only imagine if your BIL was a millionaire, was flying around the world first class, whilst his mother had no money to heat her home in the winter and was sleeping with 4 blankets.

Oh do behave. DH pays if we go out together. But we do not have thousands lying about to gift his brother. And yes, we have helped our children, and I do put them above BIL.

I have a strange attitude to family? 😂

No. The mother in this situation has a strange attitude to family.

An incredibly wealthy parent has less moral responsibility to help their child who lives pay check to pay check out financially, than a sibling, who has their own children to help out financially.

Absolutely batshit.

Not quite accurate.
Firstly it was the PIL he admonished not just the MIL (nice touch of misogyny on your part there - I guess women are generally the ones at fault in your book and you are happy to pin the blame on the female even if there's a male involved too).
Seccondly the DH also told his PIL that he would fight them for the £100k he thought his wife should be getting (it wasn't just the BIL, I suspect that was the cover, the excuse for his demands). You clearly think that kind of aggressive bluster is fine. That says a hell of a lot about you. Frankly I'd I had a spouse who came out with that line to my late parents I would have booted him out of my life at that point.

OP I would be happy to help my family members if I were in a position to assist (and have done so in the past when I had sufficient to help a disabled cousin with equipment needed to make their daily life easier sadly not in that position any more). I can understand your point of view. Families are complex and won't always act as you might.

Yea, she does, that’s a given, but you being aghast at a sibling helping a sibling is bizarre too.

Both includes SiL - and I’m not being presumptuous as we have all discussed this as a family given PiL are in their 80s and DH and I have just done our own wills. SiL has left all her assets to my DC in her will (just as I and DH have left all of ours to them, but then onwards to her if there is a ‘wipe out’ event).

Some families DO talk about this stuff, even if we roll our eyes at PiL’s stubbornness. MiL does not want either of DH and SIL to feel they have been favoured, so it’s 50/50 despite the fact it dilutes their bequest if it goes via DH. Direct to GC or all to SiL would make the most financial sense, but they won’t hear it. 🤦🏽‍♀️

She's not 'hoarding' money.

She's just not spending it on you.

OP my dad is similar - inherited a lot of money, retired at 50 and travels the world with his partner who is in a similar position. I have never asked/hinted/dared to even hope for some help, but he constantly comments on adult children who expect handouts and childcare (he has no grandchildren, and I basically lived with my grandparents they provided so much childcare). The last time he said this I asked him who he was talking about - he just spluttered.

The last time he said this I asked him who he was talking about - he just spluttered.

Maybe he’s the person behind all the “I won’t be providing childcare for my grandkids” threads recently 😂

What a greedy cow, I could never be that rich and not help my family, even if it was just a little bit like a house deposit or something. You must have done or said something that pissed her off. Why don't you just ask her for money for the kids to go on holiday or something?

She actually found her sons' misfortunes amusing? There would be no coming back from that for me. What sort of fucked-up callous mother rejoices in the misfortunes of her own children? She sounds intolerable. I bet her boyfriend's only with her for her money.

It depends on the relationship. I wouldn't give my brother the steam from my piss let alone any money.

There will be plenty saying it’s her money to do with as she chooses, which is true, but I could never be that cold hearted to my own children and grandchildren. I think it’s typical of most of the boomer generation from what I’ve seen.