Wealthy MIL hoarding money

[hoardingwealth]

MIL is worth a few Million. Lives in a 6 bed, 6 bath mansion. Has multiple cars. Takes several long haul holidays every year, always business class. Lots of investments. Lots and lots of properties that she rents out. She's in very good health and in her mid 70's. Most women in the family live until 95. I'd say she's on track to do the same.

Now here's the rub. She was given a property and a business by her wealthy parents. She also inherited substantially. But she has effectively pulled up the ladder behind her, and has not given any such help to DH or his brother. We are ok for money, however BIL is on the breadline. He has young kids too. They are crammed into a tiny ex-council house and live pay cheque to pay cheque. They have no treats or niceties, no meals out, no holidays etc, as the money just won't stretch.

Obviously when MIL passes, unless she needs care, DH and BIL will receive a very nice inheritance, but if she does indeed live until 95, DH and BIL will be in their early 70's by then.

How would you feel about this? I'm struggling to wrap my head around it, tbh. DH and I have adult children, and we have helped them financially to get on the housing ladder, to get married etc, even though we don't have anything near this kind of wealth.

AIBU to think that MIL should have done the same as her parents did for her, and given DH and BIL a leg up, just like she had?

Has anyone else experienced this?

Loving the support for wealthy, large property owning boomers on here ❤️ I thought everyone hated us older folk. 😂

And exactly how is anyone grabby, when no one has ever asked her for a bean? Please elaborate!

I think a lot of the elderly worry about deliberate deprivation of assets. It's easier to give money from earned income. Is she aware of this? And as she still has an income from for example the rentals, she could give all of the income from one of the properties to bil.

You say you and your husband are doing well financially.
If she did help your brother in law in the way you think she should, would it make you feel better or would you and your husband be annoyed that she’s unfairly distributing her wealth?

YNBU - my parents do everything legally to pass wealth to me from their estate NOW and have been doing so every year since late 2000’s. It’s call Estate Planning and ensuring the least amount gets taken in IHT. For every £1 over £1m they leave the government will take 40p. Hence legally passing to me now and watching me enjoy the money.

Assuming MIL is worth more than £1m has inherited her spouses IHT allowance and is leaving her main residence to a direct descendant, anything she leaves over £1m will go mainly in IHT.

MIL needs to shape up now and start legally giving away assets and recording what she gives away and to who. It’s not deprivation of assets if done legally. Someone needs a word with her as she’s heading to a huge IHT bill which you and your family / executors will have to pay.

In the UK, Inheritance Tax (IHT) must be paid by the end of the sixth month after the person died. If payment is not made by this deadline, HM Revenue and Customs (HMRC) will charge interest.

Good luck!

Do you honestly think she’s too stupid to know that you feel like this?

If her children can’t be happy about her living her life then perhaps she failed as a mother.

And if you are doing okay, why don’t you help your BIL and SIL if they can’t support themselves and their family?

The thing is though that unless she starts giving it away to family there we’ll be shed loads of tax .

it might be wiser to plan and minimise that.

I personally wouldn’t see my family go without while I had more than enough. But it’s your MIL’s money and it’s up to her how she does or doesn’t spend it. The best thing you can all do is get on with your lives and not give it too much thought as no good can come of it.

Don't eat out together often, but when we do, the bill is either split, or we pay. She has paid for one meal in the past 20 years, and that was the birthday gift, ie. no present or card on top.

Nah! I don’t.

You know that ad (I think it’s for a furniture co) where the old lady says she could have bought expensive furniture but she wouldn’t have enough to pay for the hot Carlo? I love that and always think ‘good on her’ 🤣

Maybe she’s trying to tell you all something…

I would say that not paying for teenage driving lessons speaks more to not ever having loved/liked her children from a young age, rather than the popular view on this thread that potential inheritors should be punished via disinheritance.

So the question remains, what did these children do to make her dislike them so much? And where is FIL in all this?

I can't ever get my head around a rich parent not helping out her hard up child.

Yes, she wants them to go NC.

Emile Zola wrote a book in 1887.

It depicts the children expecting the father to hand over his farm and explaining how they will look after him.

When he does all is good for a while as he continues also to till the soil, and then they regard him as a useless dead weight they have to feed and eventually look after.

So they try killing him but mess it up.

Then eventually burn him to death.

Inheritance squabbles are as old as time. So is the changing view of parents as they age from providers to dependents.

If your children ask for their inheritance early, tread cautiously. The love you show for them now may not be reciprocated in years to come even if they believe their own promises now!!

The MIL would do well to look into estate planning as otherwise the money will be eaten up by inheritance tax. She sounds like my mother except she has planned and there are family trusts which were set up a long time ago. It would be beneficial now while she's in good health to start sharing wealth with the next generation otherwise it'll get eaten up in IHT and care home fees (unless OP or her SIL will take her in which seems unlikely!)..

Teenage driving lessons then presumably cars and insurance etc.

Some people wait til they can afford driving lessons.

Maybe she feels her sons are their wives are greedy and only speaking to her so they can get their mitts on her money? It really does look like that

But that’s not her problem either. She will be dead. It won’t matter what happens then, from her point of view

These threads are constant and all the same. Half the responses say it’s the PIL’s money; the other half say they couldn’t imagine letting their child suffer or not helping them out. What do you want to gain from this thread—people validating you and telling you to low contact ?

You are calculating when she might die etc. I don’t look at my mil and my mother thinking ‘well I’ll be x age when they die! It’s abhorrent. No one is entitled to someone else’s money.

Not just any offspring, but your own grandchildren. It's incomprehensible to me. Hope she doesn't need anything from her own children if she ever burns through all her own wealth, the brother (and OPs husband) might not be very inclined to help.

Unless she's a mind reader no, she has no idea that I think she's stingy. Money is never spoken about, unless she's telling us how much her last holiday cost. We never bring it up. Ever. I am allowed my inner thoughts though.

If I had that amount of money I would certainly help my children if they were struggling . Have they actually asked for help?

Yes. That she is a stingy, selfish unpleasant woman who deserves to be deserted by her family entirely.