AIBU to feel hurt that DH watches porn while I'm postpartum?

[MyNavyFish]

I have an 8 month DS and have suffered from PND and PNA. My DH works unsociable hours and has been working more as my SMP will stop.

Since giving birth my self confidence is at an all time low. I had a complicated birth resulting i an emergency C-section and was poorly after. I have severe hair loss, terrible cystic acne and as I have DS on my own all the time I have no time for self care like hair, make up and nails. My body has changed and I have no idea what to wear.

At night when DS goes to bed I'm exhausted and after tidying up and washing/sterilising/eating I go to bed too.

My sex drive is pretty much non existant but I've explained to DH why I feel this way. He is always making comments about not getting any albeit they are not nasty.

Yesterday DS and I were going out and I forgot his bag. The front door was already locked and DH was running up the stairs carrying his VR headset. I knew instantly that he was going to watch porn. I just said, "I know what you're doing " and left. Neither of us have mentioned it since.

I feel so sad. I understand he has sexual urges but my self confidence is so low and the fact he is imagining sex with other women who have beautiful bodies makes me feel even worse.

AIBU?

Totally delusional - have a word with yourself and pull your head out of the sand.

OP - you're perfectly reasonable to be upset by this, I would be too.
Sending strength x

Putting it ‘very gently’ doesn’t make it gentle. Your view is unpopular for a reason. Moaning about not getting any, under the circumstances, is deeply unpleasant.

Again we see excuses being made for unacceptable male behaviour. ‘Poor love, he’s a man with needs’. Dear god, he’s making choices. He is not told what to do by his dick.

I'm aghast too, at the mentions of 'blue balls' and 'men's needs'. Back in the 70s those lines were being trotted out by men wanting a shag, presenting it as a medical necessity FFS. And here we are in 2026...

To be clear-I mentioned “blue balls”. It was not intended to be taken seriously!

In 2020 Pornhub removed 80% of its content because it was CSAM, rape or revenge porn. Over 10 million videos of child sexual sbuse, rape and revenge porn.

Tell me again how your precious Darren has never watched anything untoward.

And not forgetting that every time Darren watches his vanilla porn, because bless him, he needs to release sperm, he’s supporting an abusive,, exploitative multi billion pound global industry.

Pornhub did not remove 80% of its content because it was CSAM, rape or revenge porn. It simply removed all its content from unverified users, regardless of what kinds of videos they were. The vast majority of content removed was perfectly legal, consensual material uploaded by the people who appeared in it, but getting rid of unverified users made it easier for the site to moderate.

Tell him that if he wants to "get some", you need to be supported to actually feel sexy and have some space. If he can't watch the kiddo for a few hours so you can do hair/nails etc, can he help facilitate family to do so, or pay child care?

I am so sick of people always trying to justify men's porn use and trying to invalidate the feelings of women who are upset by it...

Yes, OP you are perfectly entitled to feel:

• disgusted by a man who can't understand that you have recently given birth which naturally will effect your body and hormones

• pissed off that instead of supporting you and respecting what you went through to give him a beautiful child decides to instead moan about "not getting any"

• appalled that he uses porn, an industry that more often than not uses content filmed with trafficked women or posted without a woman's consent and that routinely display sviolent and degrading acts against women.

I am done with placating the "pick me " women and the entitled men who think porn use is not without consequences when it comes to their relationships or that their needs always come first.

There’s a middle ground somewhere between loving gangbangs and ‘omg LTB disgusting’. The whole pick-me thing is tired.

Theres actually nothing in the op’s posts suggesting use is excessive (or that it’s anything other than discreet), he doesn’t find her attractive, he can’t get it up etc.

I personally just find it a bit much to take an issue if it’s a private thing and not affecting you. Even when I was having issues with excessive porn use in my relationship there came an acceptance that it’s impossible to control what people do when they masturbate in private.

I cannot believe this, and that so many women on here are just spouting a male view. What has happened to sisterly compassion for another woman who has had a difficult birth, and what has happened to their critical faculties? Supporting men as a default position is really pathetic. What motivates women to do it? - afraid of being criticised by the toxic male community? Desperate for male approval? Just why?

OP has PND, understandably. She needs loving support and care from her DH, not just the impression that she is only there to meet his sexual needs and is failing. If he was any kind of DH at all he would be building intimacy with her and their new DC, and prioritising her and the relationship. 💐OP