To ponder legal action for being slapped on the arse

[IneedAniffler]

Very long story short, I work in an unregulated industry as a self-employed contractor. I provide a professional service in what can be quite a high-pressure environment, and I take a lot of pride in what I do.

Today, just before I was due to deliver a service, another person working there (in a separate but related role) slapped me hard on the backside. He clearly thought it was “banter” or playful, but I was completely shocked.

I reacted immediately and told him in no uncertain terms that it was unacceptable and that he must never do anything like that again. He apologised straight away, and the contractor (who works with both of us) also apologised, as did others present.

The issue is that I then had to go straight on and deliver a half-hour professional service as if nothing had happened, and then go straight to another client meeting. I didn’t really have time to process it at all.

Now I’m home, it’s all hit me properly and I feel incredibly upset. I feel violated, embarrassed, angry, and quite shaken. I also feel a bit stupid even writing this, because technically everyone has apologised and it’s “dealt with”, but it doesn’t feel dealt with to me at all.

There’s no HR in this situation as I’m self-employed, and this isn’t a traditional workplace. I’m just trying to work out whether I’m overreacting, and what (if anything) I should do next.

WWYD?

You dealt with it and made your annoyance known. It was stupid of him but surely not worth ruining his career / business. It happened to me years ago i just said please don't do that again and moved on without a second thought. People that are saying its battery or SA its not at all in the same categories in my opinion.

What does that even mean?

Are you saying do I want him on the sex offenders register for slapping her back?

Just to draw a line under it I have read more of ops posts, this dickheads history and the industry they work in, he needs punishing! How? I don't know I am not a legal expert.

@IneedAniffler Another vote for reporting to the police. It's assault and there were plenty of witnesses. I would do it in person at a police station.

I was physically attacked by a woman once (ex-friend) and I wasn't injured but I had a witness and the police took it very seriously. She was prosecuted and pleaded guilty and magistrates gave her a conditional discharge. That was enough justice for me, and bet she won't do it again.

I would not pursue civil litigation.

It is absolutely worth ruining his career. He shouldn’t be doing the job he does with his mindset. Would you be saying this if he was a doctor or a teacher? Of course not. FD work with vulnerable people every single day. They should not be allowed to behave like this and continue to do so.

I'm sorry that happened to you, it is just not acceptable, especially given that you were about to walk in to a funeral environment. You wouldn't randomly walk in and slap someone around the head, so how is if different.

As you know the Funeral Director, I would write to them and outline how upset you remain that this happened, and take it from there.

Years ago, I was working in an office and was bent over a printer trying to sort out why it was not working. One of our drivers (it was a logistics office) walked past me and physically grabbed my backside full on. My immediate response was to back kick him in the balls. He had the nerve to complain that I had kicked him. When I explained to my employer that he had sexually assaulted me, he was suspended for a fortnight without pay. There was no "HR department" back then, but if there had been, that is where I would have headed. As others have said, maybe seek some input from ACAS.

Good luck, and I hope you manage to reach a resolution.

Oh I agree if he hit her it's assault.
So what ARE the factors that would make it sexual assault then as opposed to just assault?

To be very frank, ask yourself is this is the kind of person you would want to look after and carry your loved one to their final destination

Jesus fucking Christ! Bless, it was a joke, it was banter, poor love might lose his job!

How many more excuses can we have on here for this totally unacceptable male behaviour?

I was just wondering what I would feel if this was my daughter being assaulted and I would be outraged, I would say yes, report it to the police, do it now.

Report to the police. This is a sexually motivated assault. As another poster wrote above, write a full account including date, time and names of witnesses. How appalling!!

What happened to you was sexual assault. You know it, I know it and he knows it. You know this man has done it to others who probably felt as violated and angry as you do now. Get the silly old fucker sacked so he can't do it to anyone else who is just trying to do their job.

Of course the fear is i lose business as all the FDs know each other and will certainly not think it bad enough to report to police. They will all give me a wide berth and say "you say the wrong thing around niffler and she'll kick off, report you to the police, no sense of humour these days"

I am always overbooked, I have found huge success and I feel like I'm where I belong doing this meaningful work - it is a total dream 99% of the time.

Then this happens or I get a sleazy message or hear something enormously racist (im not British by heritage but by birth) to have the general feeling that the outcome will be me being dropped because I'm a risk and will make a fuss is quite exhausting in an industry where reputation, word of mouth and networks is the way of doing things.

It might all be fine and they might respect my choice to report if I do

But my gut is telling me I'll come off worse. Sorry that makes for bleak reading doesn't it :(

For your benefit, I googled it:

“The bottom (buttocks) is considered a private area, particularly in the context of personal safety, bodily autonomy, and social norms.
Wikipedia
Key points regarding the bottom as a private area include:

• Definition of "Private Parts": Private parts are generally defined as areas of the body that are habitually covered by clothing in public, such as the buttocks, groin, and breasts.
• Safety and Protection: In education about child safety, the buttocks are often listed alongside genitals and the anal area as "private parts" that should not be touched by others.
• Sexual Harassment/Assault: Unwanted touching of a person's bottom is legally recognized as a form of sexual assault.
• Context: While it is considered a private area in public, it is also a part of the body covered by clothing, and social norms generally dictate that it remains covered and private, especially in front of strangers.
• Rape Crisis England & Wales”

I’ll just highlight this bit again:

UNWANTED TOUCHING OF A PERSON’S BOTTOM IS LEGALLY RECOGNISED AS A FORM OF SEXUAL ASSAULT

Is that clear enough for you?

How can you not know this? Honestly, how?

He's not safe in the workplace with women. So yes, he should have his career threatened over it. Only that sort of threat might make him change his behaviour.

In that case, report it online but don't tell anyone.

No, knowing the industry, I totally get it. It’s bleak.

If only other men would speak up and speak out @IneedAniffler
The Funeral Director knows what he is like, how he upset FD’s wife with similar behaviour and yet FD still employs him 🙄☹️FFS
Bad things happen because good people do nothing.
I’m sick of it.
Men not calling other men out on their behaviour.
Cowards.

A good reason to try for a caution or conviction, which would likely be reported in the local paper. Grieving relatives would be queuing up to not have him as bearer.

And the paper would love the story. What a headline! Coffin bearer convicted of sexually assaulting funeral officiant. A shame the OP isn't a vicar – that would sound even crazier.

To be honest, the papers would love a story like this, considering the recent negative attention on FD.

I just saw @IneedAniffler 's update though - it looks like it might rebound: how depressing!

I doubt the police will do anything

I presumed this would be what was stopping you from just reporting it straightaway.

And I agree, you’re between a rock and a hard place.

It’s so crap this is STILL the situation in 2026.

Obviously you know these people and this environment, and the fact he was allowed to get away with doing it to the FD’s wife shows the extent to which they minimise it, but part of me wonders if they would actually respect you more if you did report him. Maybe they’re all secretly a bit sick of him too, but find it hard to take a stand when the culture of letting it slide is so ingrained, and would actually be grateful to you for taking this as seriously as it deserves.

But clearly I can’t make that call, and I don’t envy you having to do it.

I’m sorry you have to deal with this misogynistic, racist shit on the regular when you’re just trying to do your job, a job you clearly care deeply about and do extremely well.

Yes. This.

I've only been a criminal practitioner for over 30 years what would I know?

I'm a lover not a fighter... I see you were unable or unwilling to say how 'feeling' they wouldn't do it again might look. Ah well. I won't trouble you further.

You forgot to answer the question.