To ponder legal action for being slapped on the arse

[IneedAniffler]

Very long story short, I work in an unregulated industry as a self-employed contractor. I provide a professional service in what can be quite a high-pressure environment, and I take a lot of pride in what I do.

Today, just before I was due to deliver a service, another person working there (in a separate but related role) slapped me hard on the backside. He clearly thought it was “banter” or playful, but I was completely shocked.

I reacted immediately and told him in no uncertain terms that it was unacceptable and that he must never do anything like that again. He apologised straight away, and the contractor (who works with both of us) also apologised, as did others present.

The issue is that I then had to go straight on and deliver a half-hour professional service as if nothing had happened, and then go straight to another client meeting. I didn’t really have time to process it at all.

Now I’m home, it’s all hit me properly and I feel incredibly upset. I feel violated, embarrassed, angry, and quite shaken. I also feel a bit stupid even writing this, because technically everyone has apologised and it’s “dealt with”, but it doesn’t feel dealt with to me at all.

There’s no HR in this situation as I’m self-employed, and this isn’t a traditional workplace. I’m just trying to work out whether I’m overreacting, and what (if anything) I should do next.

WWYD?

It wasn't a rape and doesn't compare to one!

No, i know

Probably because he feels he has to take it seriously if I do, but he cannot relate in any way to how it feels to have this happen to you. He is now probably quietly hoping it will all blow over because it always does with this kind of thing.

Oh yeh let the little fucker get what’s coming to him I’m sure if he got locked up he wouldn’t be wanting his arsed smacked by the blokes in prison would he.

@IneedAniffler And in case it isn’t clear from previous posters, in a normal business this would be be gross misconduct, instant dismissal and, in my company, HR would report the incident to the police.

It is sexual assault. I can’t imagine any jury would think slapping someone in a private area as they are about to take a funeral is ‘banter’. But regardless of whether CPS chose to prosecute it would be on record for the inevitable time he does something else and someone reports. Thats adds credibility to the victim. So it’s significant to report if you can even if you don’t know what the outcome will be. Sadly men like this are know to escalate. Very serious sexual offenders often started with this sort of behaviour that goes unchecked.

That's terrible OP and it being just before a funeral where you are about to officiate seems to makes it so much worse somehow. I'm sorry this happened and you are not over reacting
I think you should make a formal complaint in writing to the Funeral director and perhaps also to the Crematorium. It's not banter, it's not just a joke he assaulted you and it seems as though he has done it before.
I find it hard to believe that anyone in 2026 thinks it's acceptable.

Report it to the police. It is then out of your hands and the decision about what to do about it is up to them.

I'm so sad this is still happening to women in 2026. I was a child of the 70s and I know of only one person my age who wasn't sexually assaulted, abused or raped. It may have improved but not enough.

Nope.
Intent matters.
Absolutely it does.
A man who slaps a woman on the bum may well trying to be amusing and not actually getting off sexually on it.

A man upskirting is very different.
Saying, "oh I just thought it was funny" won't wash with anybody.
Because the intent is clearly sexual and it's not in plain sight in the way a slap on the bottom is.

What's wrong with you that you can't see that?

I'm not saying OP should tolerate this at all either.
There should be some comeback for this man. Absolutely.

If the police get involved in this, I imagine they'd have to prove it was not done on jest.

*i think it’s a huge over reaction to take this further through his work and to possibly jeopardise his job’

Throughout history, poor men have been protected because of their jobs and reputation. No thanks. No more.

OP please do IGNORE the menz here to goad you and minimize. They are desperate individuals and love hanging around mumsnet.
This is awful and I would go scorched earth. He needs to lose his job the cunt. Then he might reflect on his appalling criminal behaviour. Very good luck to you. 💐

I wouldnt take it further ,highly.doubt he will be doing it again .
You dealt with it directly and recieved a apology .
I don't see what else you would gain except stress by taking it further with either the police or civilly .
Does the person who did it have a 'boss' or was they self employed ,if so you could possibly leave reviews about inappropriate behaviour to warm other clients .

And that makes it ok? I am 55 and have been through the usual crap from men in the 80s etc. I want things to be much better for the next generation

I’m also shocked by those minimising this.
@IneedAniffler if it’s ok I’m not going to focus on your appropriate shock, but on this man’s behaviour.

There is evidence that this man has physically targeted women with unwanted touching which could be viewed as both violent and sexual in nature. These known assaults have taken place in a work environment. After receiving past reprimands for this behaviour he has moved on to new targets/victims to potentially avoid further negative consequences.
This describes a repeated pattern of observed behaviour. I would ask what behaviour is unobserved and how can this be explored to safeguard vulnerable individuals?
@IneedAniffler please do take this further. Could you raise further concerns with the Funeral Director and also ask advice from ACAS or the Police?

Sorry OP that's horrible. The context makes it even worse. Well done speaking up.

I don't think talking to the police would be OTT, as you were assulted. He keeps doing it too - and in the workplace! - he isn't learning. What's he doing out of work if he thinks that's OK in it?

No they don't have to prove intent. It's about what the reasonable man would think, and I don't know any who would think this is OK.

Sexual assault is the touching of a body or body part without your consent.

Assault is causing the victim harm and or distress. It may be more difficult to prove the sexual part but this is certainly assault.

A small part of me dies inside every time I see a woman support a man who is behaving like this.

Quite apart from not recognising the impact
on the OP, why on earth would you think he wouldn’t do it again??? This belies all logic and ignores that the OP says he has done it many times before??! Did you miss the posts also pointing out that sex offenders start exactly like this? ‘Small’ crimes building to larger ones, especially if they go unchecked.

let’s just think through the impact here of who and how people are impacted; OP’s feelings and wellbeing in the moment then sense of safety in the future. The family who had lost a loved one and were relying on the OP to be totally in the moment for them. Then there are the other victims yet to come because sure as hell he is going to do it again.

Well thank fuck the law is more evolved than you are.

Several individuals in the UK have been convicted of sexual assault or related offences for slapping someone's bottom (often referred to in reports as a "smack on the bum" or "bottom").

Recent cases include:
Solomon Pipes-Parton (2023): A cyclist was placed on the sex offenders register for five years after admitting to sexually assaulting a woman by slapping her bottom near the Brighton Centre.
Philip Arthur (2024): A 67-year-old from Wiltshire was given a suspended prison sentence for sexual assault after smacking a woman on the bottom while she was cleaning.
"Bannan" (2026): A Caerphilly man was jailed (suspended sentence) for sexual assault after leaving a red mark on a woman’s bottom, which he claimed was for his "own sexual pleasure".
Liam Corkovic (2025): A Salford man was convicted of sexual assault after slapping a woman's buttocks in Gwynedd, which the judge noted caused humiliation, regardless of the defendant's claim it was a "joke".

If he’s trying to be amusing simply by slapping a bottom; why not slap another man’s bottom?

Not overreacting but some policies apply to contractors so whoever you and the person have contracted with could potentially deal with it.

@Weeklyreport Can confirm all this. The amateur legal eagles on this thread are just embarrassing themselves with their completely misplaced assumptions.

Police. Nothing will come of it but it might scare him enough to never do it to anyone else, and at least would be on record for any future victims. He could live another 20 years!

Why ridiculous? He’s done this before to the FD’s wife, she reacted the same way and he apologised, but that didn’t stop him doing it again to the OP.

Seems to me that jeopardy is the only thing that might prevent this from occurring yet again.

Further to my comment that nothing will come of it with the police, I’m pleasantly surprised to read weeklyreports post that they DO take things like this seriously! I stand corrected

Hopefully things have changed. When i was 20 i worked in a shop. A man came in and slapped me on my arse as hard as possible, he found it hilarious as did his friends, i had to scream at them to get them to leave. Police knew who he was but weren't remotley interested in taking it further.