AIBU to feel upset by partner opposing my breast reduction?

[GreatMintPeer]

I have 2 DCs (17y and 18 months). I have always had very large breasts and at my age (50) now that I’ve finished breastfeeding after having my daughter very late, I have taken the decision to have a breast reduction. The level of back pain I have been experiencing lately has been extremely debilitating, and I also don’t like the way they look after having my DD.

My DP has been with me for just over a year and when I told him my plans he reacted with confusion, and then anger. I feel incredibly shocked and hurt by this as he has always been a sweet, loving supportive partner until now. I just can’t overlook such a possessive reaction over a decision I want to make about my own body; it’s not like I’m having a double mastectomy or they’ll suddenly be tiny, I just want them to be a more manageable and proportionate size. He thinks I’m being frivolous and selfish. What do I do?

I don’t think he can have any idea of what it is like to live with very large breasts.

Ask him to imagine what his life would be like if his testicles hung to his knees. Special clothes, not able to run, the weight of them, people staring etc.

It’s not just some page three fantasy!

It’s absolutely none of his business. What a bloody cheek, telling you what to do with your body!

What a prince. So now you have three massive tits to endure. What an awful human being he is.

“Frivolous and selfish”?!?

He seems to think my money is tight because I bought a new house recently. Spoiler, it’s not!

Well that gives you the opportunity to get rid of three debilitating burdens in your life. Two enormous boobs & one enormous bellend.

If he is generally and otherwise a well adjusted human being, perhaps have a conversation with him about bodily autonomy and not being such a dramatic twat. If he takes it well then move on and if not then honestly you don't need that shit in your life!

He thinks it’s selfish that you want to get a breast deduction because you’re in agony every day? That’s absurd!
He’s being a dick.

That's such a weird reaction for a partner of that amount of time - I thought you were going to say it's a husband of many decades who's always loved the way you look etc.

You say money is not an issue - is this guy after it?

Completely your choice, but I don’t understand why he’s not being supportive in this decision given it is literally causing you pain. I don’t have huge boobs, they are DD but even at this size it’s a pain getting robust sports bras and I have to be careful what I wear so I don’t feel they’re on show.

In your position you have every right to do what you want. I’d spend some time talking it through with him, maybe send him some info on it, and hopefully for his sake he gets on board.

It’s possible he is. He’s self employed and has been struggling for clients lately. I hadn’t considered that he could be after my money, but he has recently brought up the idea of marriage, which I never pictured with him. Not because I didn’t view him as a long term partner, but because I’ve been there before and don’t really see the point at my age with 2 children.

I know it's not the point of the thread OP but you got together with this man when your little one was 6 months old?

I feel like you may have ignored some red flags here? This being one of them.

You do make a fair point. I met him in my local café and I was with my DD in a pram at the time. Perhaps it was a bad time to get into a relationship, but I got swept up in it all too quickly because I really fancied him.

It’s none of his business.

You crack on. This fella you’ve known for five minutes isn’t a partner and not someone you need to consult with about this.

Yes I was thinking the same. A six month old baby (at the time) so presumably not much time or energy for dating, but enough money for a house and a boob job, and he's struggling for work... and now he's talking about marriage. Alarm bells are ringing. I hope I'm wrong but this seems a bit off?

What do you do? Dump him and get a breast reduction - in that order!

Get rid of all 3 massive tits - what a 🔔🔚

What do you do? You tell him to fuck off. And do exactly what you like with YOUR OWN body!!!

As a similar OTT breasted 49 year old considering reduction, if any partner had this attitude be it 6 months, a year or 30 year relationship they'd be out the door.

That's not good.
Either he's angry because he wants your cash or he's angry because you having huge tits is more important to him than your pain.
Either way, he's not a keeper

I’d be running away screaming from him.

Self-employed & financially struggling lately while mentioning YOUR money & wanting to talk about marriage after only a year? Confused and then ANGRY when you decide to do something with YOUR OWN BODY?????

This is one of the best things I've read today, and I hope OP uses this in a discussion with him.

OP, he is being bang out of order, but you know that. It's your body, and the surgery isn't cosmetic, it's for legitimate health reasons.

The only thing I might suggest (if you didn't have the back pain before having your daughter) is wait until your boobs get back to normal if you've only recently stopped breastfeeding. But if it's always been something you knew you'd want to do some day, then go for it!

Your body, your choice, nothing to do with him. As others have said, there are some concerning issues with this man. Get rid.

He sounds like he is after your money