To be enraged at my DH’s WFH laziness

[Plydrm]

I work in a very high pressure job and am the breadwinner (£55k) and DH works in a local government job at £36k and is based at home but does do the odd field visit.

I work from the office or ‘out and about’ most days but have the very odd day WFH.

I have compressed my working week and have a Wednesday off with our preschooler. This means the other weekdays I’m working long hours, plus a commute.

For the last 6 months or so I’ve noticed that if I message DH around lunch time I don’t hear from him until at least 3pm. I assumed he was busy dealing with meetings or out seeing clients.

I was WFH yesterday and was absolutely enraged to discover that he actually has a 2 hour nap every day (whilst on the clock).

Im frustrated by this for a number of reasons, including the fact that I don’t stop at work and rarely get a lunch break or any downtime at work. I also need to get dinner ready after work every night after being out the house 6am-5.30pm. He does do the odd laundry and keeps on top of the kitchen but other than this the housework waits until the weekend.

AIBU for being annoyed by this?

I had a nap wfh today as I have been sleeping badly. But I did it on my lunch break. If he is got that little to do during the day he should be picking up stiff around the house. Or even better, asking his manager for more work. This is exactly why some people hate wfh and think that everyone who does it is lazy.

No wonder the goverment are struggling for money when their workers are being lazy bastards and sleeping on the job! Wtf!

Why on earth are you doing all the household chores? If he's at home before you, he gets the dinner on. He can also put the washing machine and dishwasher on. He's pulled a fast one on you OP.

I’m not shocked I tell you not shocked.

I feel it ruins WFH for everyone!

He does put the dishwasher on and does the odd run around with the hoover but the main things like cleaning bathrooms, mopping floors etc wait until the weekend.

If you work from home, of course you do the odd chore! Otherwise what’s the point?

tell him you want dinner on the table, you want washing loads done at the very least. It’s not on to be so fucking lazy

This is absolutely awful.

Sorry but a two hour nap knowing you do a full days work then get home and prep dinner....he could be doing that? Or any other number or chores.

He could do all that weekend cleaning...yet he leaves it. Selfish man. I'd really kick off here. Me and my husband both WFH and apart from 20 mins at lunch we both run around doing chores and errands at any spare moment.

Also on a separate note he's taking the piss out of his job.

God I hope his work clock on and sack him. Of course he won’t do chores if he can’t even be arsed to do his job.

YANBU about the split of the housework.

YABU to be more annoyed just because you work flat out and don’t get a break. That’s not relevant. If you were able to take a lunch break every day it would still be unreasonable of him to do this while leaving all housework to you.

Agree that is pretty shocking but also can't help wondering if he's ok? Obviously you know your DH but is this characteristic for him, how long has he been doing it, is this a sign that he's struggling with physical / mental health? He might just be being shockingly lazy but could also be that he's struggling for some reason.

Yes I would be annoyed that he has a 2 hour nap (so 10 hours a week free?) but he leaves chores until the weekend and leaves dinner to you even though you’re out for almost 12 hours. To be honest I’m a bit jealous that he has such a relaxed WFH job. Hope he at least appreciates it because no one else is getting paid to nap! Have you spoken to him about the napping and what did he say?

Ok, first, you are not the breadwinner. You are both earning a good salary, both of you are breadwinners here.
Second, WFH is still working. No one should be doing chores during their working day regardless of being out or home. So doing the housework at the weekend, both of you sharing, is fine.
Third, you are preparing dinner when you get home, what is he doing then? Is he watching the child? If so, fine. Why not suggest the two of you alternate meal prep?
Fourth, presuming he gets a one-hour lunch break the he’s actually only having a one-hour nap on the clock. Yes, that’s wrong.

Aside from him sleeping an hour of work time, you just seem annoyed that you have a more stressful job than he does. But that’s not his fault.

I guess we have feminism to 'thank' for this bizarre setup.

Working from home still means working. I may run the dishwasher or load the washing machine while making a cup of tea though.

But the 2 hours commute are definitely used for chores.

I also take a nap, for a while it was regularly every day, but that's my lunchbreak.

Stop cooking dinner. Full stop. Today. If you have kids, make something easy for them. He can figure out his own damn food.

Putting on the dishwasher? It's the press of a button. Come on...

If you commute and he doesn’t why on earth are you responsible for dinner? I just don’t understand why women still act like 1950s housewives when they work full time. Put your foot down woman!

What do you mean, what’s the point? You think the point of WFH is doing housework in company time?

Housework / childcare rather than commuting time, sure. Housework on your lunch hour I guess, although when I worked from home I rarely took one.

I’m not purist about it - 10 minutes pegging out the washing is no different to 10 minutes gossiping with a colleague in the staff kitchen. But as the OP says, if you take the piss You ruin it for everyone

I have to admit that I am not a 'napper' (I literally can't), but I find a two HOUR nap during the day sounds excessive? Has he had his iron levels checked and everything else - because it sounds odd to me that an adult would feel the need for a two hour sleep during the day.

But that might just be because I don't understand 'nap culture'.

He's one lazy sod. If he's got a spare hour to nap and take the piss on work time, he should be using that to prep dinner, do other chores and take the pressure off

I guess you don’t know what feminism is.

You've guessed wrong then, cupcake.

Thinking about it, do you know what time he starts work OP? You’re out from 6am so I guess not? It’s just that at my work place, we are explicitly allowed to take a long lunch provided we make up the time, and aren’t cancelling meetings to do it. I could fairly easily start an hour earlier and be on lunch 12-2 most days. This wouldn’t be an issue at all.

ETA - I still agree that you making dinner every night is unfair. And that would be true even if he wasn’t napping.

as if! My DP wfh and I find all the washing done, dried and put away, hoovering is done, washing up put away, sides dusted. I don’t wfh so I’m out full time. I never have to do any of the cleaning unless I tell him to leave it and I’ll do it because I feel guilty he does so much while on work time. He gets all his tasks done at the start of the week so there’s time to do all this. I get so jealous as I’m out of the house with fuck all to do in the office. He definitely should not be sleeping, OP. that’s taking the piss.

If you have a problem with feminism or working women, then Mumsnet is definitely not the place for you. Please take yourself away to Reddit or somewhere else.

Now I think I understand why council tax has increased so sharply in recent years.