AIBU to worry we were rude meeting up without Mum A?

[Billynomatesonhere]

I’m part of a fairly new circle of mum friends - we met through our children’s hobby.

Mum A has been the organiser of several meet ups and recently put a message in the chat suggesting a playdate at her house on X date. I read the message then it totally slipped my mind and I didn’t reply - neither did any one else on the chat.

The day before the date Mum A suggested, Mum B replied apologising for not replying sooner but asked if the offer still stood as she was free and would love to meet. Mum A messaged back to say she had other plans now.

However the message prompted everyone else to reply & as everyone else was free, we did end up meeting up but without Mum A. I did feel a bit guilty about it at the time tbh and one of the other mums also said she felt the same way .

Anyway that day we all got our diaries out and found a date for the next meet up and messaged Mum A about it but she replied she was busy that day. So now I’m overthinking it a bit and wondering if we have upset her by meeting up on the date she suggested ?

This has got very long winded, but basically I’m asking if we were rude to go ahead without her ?

How rude and unkind of you all, of course mum A is hurt. When grown women act worst than the kids....

I’m pretty laid back about this kind of thing, it takes a lot to upset me and I always give people the benefit of the doubt, but I definitely would feel quite upset if this happened. I think a better way to handle it would have been to reorganise to a day she could make or just meet up with one other person, not the whole group.

It’s the fact she was ignored and then you’ve all arranged a group meet for the same day now she can’t make it. If there wasn’t that background then it would be fine, not everyone can make every occasion.

I’d be hurt. You’ve behaved badly by not responding to her message then doing something without her.

You are underthinking this.

Mean girls

This was really poor and thoughtless. Even if it was entirely unintentional the optics are very bad.

I’m sure Mum A is hurt.

The only way out of this is to get in touch with Mum A in person and grovel. It needs to be face to face so she can see that you are sincere.

basically you all took the biscuits and pickles so to speak

If you'd invited people with a fair amount of notice, would you expect they would confirm but say neither a yes or a no thanks until only the day before? Not in every case, but it can feel to the instigator as if you are waiting for someone else to show their hand, or for a better offer, before you say anything.

Yeah you all sound horrible to be honest and mum A is better off without you.
Honestly sounds like a bunch of mean girls who were hoping if you ignored her message she'd make other plans and you could all meet without her. Did you lot never leave behind your high school mean girl ways?

Absolutely this you don't wait to see whether anything better pops up in the meantime it's so rude. You're either free or your not. If you don't particularly want to go, just turn down the invitation the first time you read it

No way you ALL forgot.

One genuine mistake maybe,but plural?No acknowledgement at all,from anyone?For how long?

I'd be upset too.Wouldn't let on though,but wouldn't be in a rush to meet up anytime soon.

Yep, mean girls vibes. ☹️

I think collectively, you should apologise profusely to Mum A and explain that it was crap organisation on your part and you’d really like her to join you on your next outing. And mean it!

Yeah I think if everyone ignored her original message but did reply very quickly (in time to meet up the next day) to the second mum, I can see that she’d feel shit.

I used to be part of a group of mums that did shit like this. When I updated my phone I didn't other adding that WhatsApp group in on my new phone just whoops deleted it. I have lovely other friends

You are all very unkind and she is probably upset. What are you going to do to put it right?

Aw yes I feel bad for her! You were all free but no one responded and then you did something on that date without her! And now there is another meetup that she can’t make (or she is sad and doesn’t want to hang out with you guy anymore). I would either postpone the meetup to a date she can definitely make, making it clear that you all want her to come, or reach out personally to her to say sorry and you would love to see her soon in the group or one on one. I wouldn’t just gloss over it and carry on as it’s so rubbish to feel unimportant

This OP. Please don't just hope you can all gloss over it and brush it under the rug and move on.
You owe Mum A a profusely apology, the lot of you, and you need to scrap that other meet up date you all made and find a new date she can make. Funny how you were all so quick to get the diaries out and commit to a date while she wasn't there. So unkind and I hope one day you are treated this way so that you understand just how hurtful it is.

If I were mum A I would think you'd all got together and did this on purpose, very hurtful and thoughtless of you.

I agree with PP here.

Could you message in the group to Mum A and ask her directly when she’s free to meet and say as she’s not been able to make the last two dates arranged you’d really like to see her?

In her shoes I’d be thinking that you all kept quiet deliberately because it’s strange that no one replied. If you genuinely like her then you need to show her a bit of love.

Poor Mum A. That was very shitty. Bollocks you all forgot. She’s moving on, good for her.

Yes op can see why she hurt. I am fed up lately feel nobody replies to anything. Do better op.

I think you should all contact her individually and make your apologies, ideally in person. She needs nurturing, you owe her that.

If I was Mum A, I'd assume that no one was bothered about meeting up with me and I'd be upset.

It was a bit off.
Could you change the next meet-up day to one she can make? That might help.

I cba with friends irl and If I was mum A I would be pleased at least I knew where I stood and wouldn't bother with any of you ever again.

Yes, this. If you actually don't want to hurt her feelings.