Some girls don’t look after their hair and it gets bugs in it

[Fishfingerssmellfishy]

The class assistant in Dd’s class told her today, after putting up her hair…again
Dd has just past shoulder length, curly hair, it’s tricky to style and takes a long time. Dd is Nd and hates having her hair done.
Sometimes I can get it into a nice french plait, normal plait, ponytail or bun if she’s having a calm morning before school. Sometimes I can’t and I pick my battles and sometimes she simply wants to wear it down, so we do.
With it being curly and her running around, it invariably gets a little messy.
Recently, Dd has been coming home with it in a quite messy ponytail and telling me the classroom assistant keeps doing it

Aibu to find this a bit annoying/feel a bit offended?

That’s an unpleasant thing for a TA to say. And nits prefer nice clean hair.

Could they be trying to prevent her having her hair pulled by another child or catching nits? They might think they are being helpful in doing this whilst dd is in school.
its so awful managing nits and all the combing with curly hair will be a nightmare

shes not worded that well.

But you definitely need to get her hair up otherwise you’ll be battling nits.

Have you ever had to treat for nits? I think it would be a nightmare with your DD.

Dd seems to think she was saying that about ‘Other’ girls and didn’t want her to get bugs in her hair (nits obvs)

Classroom assistant putting her hair up if ask to is fine, there'll be activities in school where she needs it tied up (e.g., PE, science, art/DT, etc). Teachers will often prompt children to tie it up when needed and assistants will obviously help any child who needs it.

Telling her she'll get bugs/lice isn't on though.

I know it's tricky when you're also managing ND but you need to speak to your DD in a way she understands that her options are to have it tied up for school, non-negotiable, or gets it cut into a style that won't need tying up. I've had to have similar conversations with my own DD. One thing I have done with her though is to wax-braid her hair. It's exactly as it sounds, hair wax combed through and then two Dutch braids. They last an entire school week (she washes her hair/head/scalp without unbraiding them), she takes them out on a Friday afternoon and then I re-braid them on a Sunday night. She was told it was that or it gets cut into a bob.

So she was trying to stop your dd from getting head lice?

I think the TA was telling the child that some other girls don't take care of hair so she needed to put her hair up ? Are you objecting to this ? She didn't name any other girl.

You need to tie dds hair up for school. Most primary schools have a rule that if hair is long enough to be tied up then it should be.
There are all sorts of reasons for this and not just nits. PE, Science, Art…basically any practical subjects. And it keeps it from falling in their face all the time

Or passing them on to others!
OP you need to put her hair up. Past shoulder length curly hair needs to be up for nursery or school. I don't think she's done anything wrong talking about nits in a child friendly way.

I’m not sure, I see plenty of girls with different styles though, I didn’t realise we should tie back daily

Does your child have the lice and TA is trying to contain them? Especially if TA is working next to your child.

I’m not sure if she was meaning that or my Dd, either way, it doesn’t seem a great thing to say?

This is a myth.

They don't care either way.

It's not very well worded or a nice thing to say to kids really but I do understand the need to get her used to doing her hair and having it off her face for school.

Is she better before bed? After bath time or during bath time you could use a wide tooth comb and plenty of conditioner and brush it through whilst distracted. Then two braids for bedtime and it should last for school the next day - even more so if you manage right French braids - like cane rows almost

You could watch videos together with her to get her to pick a hair style, buy clips etc or bribe with tablet time or treats to sit and have her hair braided/done. This is the way we've always done it - but I am mixed race and our hair requires more doing. So it's essential to get kids used to sitting and having it done.

They don’t have any rules, I see all different styles

It sounds to me like the TA was trying to say that she could catch nits with her hair down. I don’t think this is a bad thing to say. She’s giving your child a reason to tie her hair up. And it’s truth but told in a way she’ll understand. It’s honestly not a bad thing to say at all.

Absolutely some parents do not look after their children’s hair and they have nits constantly. There was a girl in DD’s class in primary with waist length hair, never wore it up, she had nits literally all the time. There was one 9 month period where I combed dd’s hair every 3 days to treat them and 2 weeks later, they’d be back. It was never ending. I eventually had to tell her to stop playing with this girl because I was at the end of my tether. They drifted away and nits stopped. It’s not the child’s fault. It’s the parents and a form of neglect if nits are never treated.

No, no lice. Plus they would send a letter. In the past, they sent a letter saying they’re going around the school and have had a few cases (a couple of years ago)

Regardless, it’s still sensible ( for all the same reasons) to tie it up. Teacher of over 20 years here…with a year 2 child who had her hair down and a pair of scissors…I’ll let you complete the story.

How old is she?

you’re overthinking this. It sounds like the TA is trying to encourage your child to look after her hair by putting it up and is trying to stop them getting nits. Trying to treat headlice in curly hair is a nightmare

We’ve never had nits

If there are bits going around then tying the hair up stops some hair to hair contact.

she probably also needs to have it tied back for PE.

Anyone in our school with hair that is shoulder length and longer needs to tie their hair up. The TA will be helping your DD as it sounds like she is too young to tie it up herself if they gave her the band to do it herself.
It is linked to reducing spread of nits and also health and safety.

She’s 7 and has her hair up maybe 70% of the time. She had it trimmed at the hairdresser last week so has been wanting to have it down, but perhaps I should put up every single day