to want to carry on working so I do not end up doing childcare?

[skizz]

I mentioned to my DC that I was thinking about retiring, just exploring options, nothing even decided yet. Their immediate response was along the lines of “oh that would be perfect, you could help with childcare, school pickups, when they are ill, that sort of thing.”

I actually do not want to give up work and slide into being on-call childcare. I like working. I like having my own routine, my own space and my own independence. The idea that any flexibility automatically gets translated into availability for childcare does not appeal to me whatsoever.

I have friends who do regular childcare for their grandchildren and honestly they are constantly picking up bugs, dealing with sickness, plans being cancelled last minute because a child is ill. It looks absolutely exhausting. It is not how they imagined retirement but they got railroaded into it by their daughters/DILs.

I would rather keep working than be doing childcare.

You know you're not being selfish. What's selfish is if your children not wanting you to do whatever the heck you like in retirement and wishing you well on whatever it is. You earned it, enjoy it.

It keeps rearing its ugly head.

That’s my take on it. I am there to provide sage advice. I want them to know that retirement is not raising kids 2.0 but a full second act of life where you can live life to the fullest.

It does seem like they are seeing it as an opportunity to get childcare rather than having a relaxing retirement.

Yes. It does. I'll certainly do it for my kids if im able to and they want me to. You clearly are well enough to continue working, so a couple of hours looking after your grandchildren a couple of times a week shouldn't be such a big ask. Honestly, I do think its a selfish attitude to not want to help your kids a bit when you can. Its not like they're asking you to have a baby full time. Collect, snack, homework, bit of tv, job done. Its also ridiculous that your friends are blaming the dil. Are these women's own sons so bloody useless that their wives are working and yet the burden of finding care for the children falls entirely on them? Or do these mother in laws just think that's the woman's job?

Seems like you just don't like to hear that if you don't contribute your time and energy to the family village then it might not be returned to you. It's not manipulation it's literally fair turnabout.

Where’s the fun in saying no, when you can start yet another thread to attack mothers with young children.

Yep, because they're being selfish! It's only thinking about how you'd make their lives easier, not how you should enjoy your life and rooting for you to do so.

OP still not responding to ANY suggestions and solutions.
She's only here to stir the pot.

You here from the Daily Mail OP?

I don't blame you.

There are so much judgements and expectations that it seems easier just to work.

My friends got roped in when they retired. Emergency here and there and soon it has become a regular routine to look after the grandchildren.

No of course grandfathers arent complaining because its not expected that they do the drudge work of childcare, school pick ups and then threatened, overtly as it turns out on this thread, with 'no elder care for you old timer' because they dont do that and the implicit judgement that theres something wrong with OP because she doesnt want to do that.

Total manipulation. Very ugly. If anyone believed in the 'family village' nonsense, they'd not hold their parents to ransom in this way.

Easier for them at my expense. I want to have the freedom to do what I want not be tied to school pick ups. I did enough of those with my own 4 DC!

I mean, it’s not emotional manipulation is it, it’s just the truth of the situation.

Like I said time and energy can be contributed without childcare. Lots of grandfathers do not do childcare.

If you cannot see how that's manipulation then shame on you.

They are all married with their own DC.

Yeah, except one wrong word, or packet of crisps, or bit of chocolate, or comment about behaviour and its NC for you grandma

That sort of village eh?

You aren't unreasonable to not want to do childcare. You are unreasonable to not just be able to set a boundary with your children and say you aren't up for it. You'll have your own interests to follow and your own time commitments. You can't just be at their beck and call. If you want to help sometimes, sure, but as it fits for you.

and the implicit judgement that theres something wrong with OP because she doesnt want to do that.

What about the implicit judgement that there is something wrong with your children because they don’t want to the drudge work of driving their parents to medical appointments, grocery shopping, mowing their lawn, helping set up iPads, phones etc.

Op there is a very similar thread on here. You need to just say to your dc if I give up work and a wage it will be for me not to help out with childcare sorry your under the impression that I will volunteer to give up my freedom. People who are saying oh they won’t care when your older and need help this is bullshit you give birth you probably gave up a lot for dc now it’s there turn why do people just assume because grandparents don’t work they have to re do childcare all over again. Just say no op. You will help occasionally like now but you’re not taking it on all over again. People shouldn’t have kids if they need to rely on others constantly. Being a grandparent is meant to be the fun bit where you see them then they go home so you can do you.

I get what you are saying but this would not be occasional. It would be school picks ups, nursery drop off and pick ups, looking the the grandchildren when they are ill so their parents can work, other emergencies.

I don't get asked to do pick ups because I work. If I retire, it would be expected I do it everyday.

By all means take this stance all I'm saying is not to be suprised when your children and grandchildren won't be held to ransom or guilted in your later years

Just say no, not everyday.