to want to carry on working so I do not end up doing childcare?

[skizz]

I mentioned to my DC that I was thinking about retiring, just exploring options, nothing even decided yet. Their immediate response was along the lines of “oh that would be perfect, you could help with childcare, school pickups, when they are ill, that sort of thing.”

I actually do not want to give up work and slide into being on-call childcare. I like working. I like having my own routine, my own space and my own independence. The idea that any flexibility automatically gets translated into availability for childcare does not appeal to me whatsoever.

I have friends who do regular childcare for their grandchildren and honestly they are constantly picking up bugs, dealing with sickness, plans being cancelled last minute because a child is ill. It looks absolutely exhausting. It is not how they imagined retirement but they got railroaded into it by their daughters/DILs.

I would rather keep working than be doing childcare.

@worldshottestmom
I find it so interesting that a generation of people whom repeated the phrase "it takes a village to raise children

That was my parents generation and what they meant by it was get out of the house and roam around the village. Don’t come home until it is full dark. Walk yourself to and from school, because the village will keep an eye on you. If you’re hungry you know where the bread, PB and J is.

They said it to wash their hands of doing any hands on childcare themselves.

If you dont want to do childcare, dont do childcare. School pickups is a couple of hours a day. You are free not to help your kids out if you dont want to. I personally think you sound selfish. Id imagine your kids would think the same. Remember what a burden you thought having your grandchildren a couple of days a week for a couple of hours was when you're elderly and your kids dont feel like putting themselves out for you.

So are you expecting your DC and GC to provide you with support when you are elderly?

I very much doubt that the it takes a village brigade want to go back to the times when the local bobby gave an unruly kid a clip round the ear

Are you ok with grandfathers getting support if they didnt do childcare

"I've raised my children, I want to enjoy my retirement. I'll be there for them, but on my own terms and choosing". Exactly what my MIL told me when we were pregnant and I 100% respect her for it. She is actually a fantastic grandma and we love her dearly. She does speak to and see my children plenty, but she isn't a babysitter. Just tell them, sometimes honesty is very helpful.

My father, despite being very hands off with us, is incredibly hands on with my children.

My parents don’t provide regular childcare (I don’t know anyone whose parents provide regular childcare) but they do enjoy spending time with their grandchildren, planning and taking them on fun days out, having them over for lunch/dinner at the weekend or occasional overnight babysitting.

Some people actually enjoy spending time with their grandchildren. Grandfathers included.

Shocking, I know.

My parents didn’t have grandparent help and my husband and I don’t either. I personally hope my kids ask me to help them when they’re parents so I can be the village I never had. What a difference it would make to have someone nearby to turn to if an emergency comes up, if you’re ill or struggling and need some support, to be an active part of your grandchildren’s lives.

It’s up to you and only you to be up front and set the boundary now.
my mum always said I’ll help. I want to help but my life will come first. And that was absolutely fine. She was doing me a favour in what she could help out with.

Why do you keep bringing grandfathers into it?

It’s not grandfathers complaining online about their children and grandchildren, is it?

As I said, lots of grandfathers enjoy spending time with their grandchildren, and also supporting their children in other ways.

Or maybe I’m just incredibly lucky in that regard.

It is my friends who said that to me. I don't know the DDs/SILs well enough to know whether it is true or not.

I agree, but I think the original meaning of the phrase has been lost between the generations.

Thats not what i meant and well you know it. The EXPECTATION is there for grandmothers to do it in a way it isnt for grandfathers

This would not be asked to a grandfather.

It would, if grandfathers were complaining online about their children and grandchildren.

You could just retire and, you know, not do any childcare.

Have a little think about why men dont complain as much online about doing childcare. Could that be because they are expected to do a lot less of it.

Why is it selfish? I have brought up 4DC and worked all my life.

So because I don't want to school picks ups for a couple of hours a day, that makes me selfish?

They don't get asked to do childcare as often as grandmothers do.

I mean, I don’t see men complaining about much online at all 🤷‍♀️

OP, why don't you pop over to gransnet, where I am sure you will get lots of helpful advice. Unless you are not after that...

Just be an adult and tell them you've been thinking about your retirement for 40 whatever years and being an unpaid dogs body or routine childcare was not in your plans and won't be.

I wish there was a thread post tbh, it would stop goady threads like this one. How hard can it be to say no?

Redirect your children to ask their father, then?

Problem solved.

Here we are with the emotional manipulation again, last line. Lovely.