To think she could help just this once?

[OhDearWhatDoWeHaveHere]

I feel like I’m going mad because in my head this is what friends do, but she’s acting like I’ve asked for something outrageous.

I’m going on holiday next month for 10 days. It’s been booked for ages and I really need it. The issue is my cat. She’s quite anxious and doesn’t do well with catteries, last time she barely ate and lost weight, so I don’t want to put her through that again.

I asked a close friend if she could stay at mine while I’m away to look after her. She doesn’t have kids, works from home most of the time, and only lives about 15 minutes away, so it didn’t seem like a huge ask to me.

She said she could pop in once a day to feed her but didn’t want to stay over. I said that wouldn’t really work because the cat needs company and also I’d prefer someone actually in the house for security. It’s not the best area and I’d worry the whole time otherwise.

She still said no and suggested I try a professional sitter, but they’re expensive and it just feels a bit impersonal having a stranger in my house.

I did point out that I’ve helped her before, given her lifts, been there for her when she’s had issues with her ex etc. Not in a tit for tat way, just that I thought we had that kind of friendship where you help each other out.

She’s now gone a bit distant and said she feels “put on the spot” and “guilted”, which wasn’t my intention at all.

I just don’t really get why staying in a nicer house than hers for a week and a half (no offence to her!) and hanging out with a fairly low maintenance cat is such a big deal.

AIBU to think she’s being a bit selfish ?

On the one hand I’m inclined to say that this cannot be genuine.

On the other hand, I had a text just this morning from a CF friend asking me to care for her horse for 3 weeks whilst she’s in Italy. Mind you, she knows that I am going to be gone part of that time as I am taking four of mine to a competition. The way she worded it made it seem as if she considered this a very small thing. So perhaps the OP is genuine.

10 days staying away from your own home for £50. That would be a big fat no from me too.

you need to pay for someone to come and house sit for you, that’ll probably lay cost about £500. It’s so expensive because it is a big ask.

Your cat is not her problem. Presumably she has no pets because she does not want the tie !

You have to factor in pet care costs when booking a holiday !

You are being a bit rude about her house too !

She's acting like you've asked for something outrageous because you absolutely have. I don't see any friendship you had surviving this unless you apologise quickly and sincerely for putting her on the spot like this.

What’s insulting is the way you’re treating your friend. I’ll bet that she will dine out on the story of her CF so called friend for a long time to come!

This is a massive ask, much bigger than a few lifts. No matter how nice your house is I would refuse as a) I’m allergic to cats and even if I wasn’t I don’t want to have to deal with cat shit
b) I wfh but I have a decent setup with a proper desk etc, and it’s set up just how I like it. A week of working on just my laptop would kill my back.
c) I actually like my DH and while we’re not joined at the hip that’s a long time to be apart
d) if you’re house is that nice ( tbh even if it isn’t) I wouldn’t be able to relax for fear of breaking something

Just seen you offered her £5 per day 😂

Your holiday budget should include a cat sitter. YABVU.

If leaving your cat for ten days with an automatic feeding machine is fine by you, why would you not go for your friend coming round once a day?!

Surely having the reassurance of someone actually seeing and checking in on your cat each day would be far more preferable!

OP, this is a wind up isn’t it ?

No reasonable person saves up for a holiday but doesn’t take their cat/s into consideration.

No reasonable person asks a friend to move out of their home and leave their partner for 10 days to house and cat sit for £50.

Is your cat an indoor only cat ? Or do you expect the friend to keep them indoors ? Is the cat fully insured ? Is the friend experienced with looking after cats ? Would they notice a change in the cat’s health ?

Who will you expect to take or collect the cats to or from the cattery for the 4 days you graciously are willing to pay for?

My advice would be to apologise to your friend for being stupid and book your cat into the cattery for the duration, or get a well respected cat and/or house sitter, or don’t go on holiday.

In my view an automatic feeder should not be used for more than 12 hours, but what do I know ? I’ve only had and bred cats for 50 years and I would never take on the responsibility of other people’s cats unless I ran a cattery, which I wouldn’t because it’s damned hard work.

Not holding my breath for OP to come back.

She said she could pop in once a day to feed her
That's kind of her.
I’d prefer someone actually in the house for security. It’s not the best area and I’d worry the whole time otherwise
No wonder she doesn't want to stay there. It doesn't sound safe. She probably doesn't want to be on her own there at night. It sounds like you're worrying more about your house being guarded by her than for her safety.

ha ha ha you have gone from wanting a FREE live in cat sitter to an automatic cat feeder.

cat sitters get paid a daily rate as well as staying for ' free ' in the home..

next time you take the cat's expenses into account when budgeting/booking a holiday.

meantime see if you can find a neighbours teenager to come in 2 times a day - I suggest a teenager as then you will get away with paying min wage...

@OhDearWhatDoWeHaveHere

You lost me at 'my house is nicer than HERS, why would she not want to stay wah wah wah?! Your first post is ludicrous, but the subsequent ones get worse and worse!

Asking someone to stay at your house is a HUGE imposition. I have a close relative who asked me to do this for 3 WEEKS. To look after their cat while they travelled to North America. They lived 18-19 miles away, and said I can do it as I WFH and could just do it from their house. No payment offered or anything, just an assumption.

I had a cat myself at the time, and they didn't think twice about her. DH works -and our cat would have been alone half the time after being used to having me around a lot for about a decade. She was old too, and clingy and needy, but very loving and affectionate, and I adored her. I wasn't leaving her for 3 weeks.

Also, DH and I only have 1 car between us which is fine, as we don't need more than 1, but I wouldn't have had transport so would have been stuck at their house. There were buses, but only 1 an hour, and the bus stop was 15 minutes walk away. The closest shop was 10 minutes walk and was an expensive Spar store... Also, all of my stuff, my personal belongings, and tech, and work things, and clothes, and books and magazines and music and everything is in my home. Including my own bed!

Also their home is not my home, and I would not have felt comfortable! I would have been quite lonely too I think. Been with DH for 35 years, and while it's nice to have a break from him now and again, and I love it when he's on late shift sometimes (so I get the house to myself) I don't want to be away from him for 3 weeks. I guess he could have come to visit, but he likes his own home and own bed too, and didn't want to be doing 37-38 mile round trips to see me!

I said sorry but I can't do it....... Gave the main reason as I don't want to leave my elderly cat for 3 weeks. They were OK with it but a bit disappointed......

tl;dr this relative got a friend and her boyfriend to stay who lived with her parents, so it was a treat to stay in 'their own place' for 3 weeks. She only lived 10 minutes walk away too.

LOL at 99% (of almost 900 posters so far) voting YABU! 😆

.

You’re cutting your nose off to spite your face. She’s offered to pop in every day - no need for an auto feeder.
Plus your house is getting checked once per day.

If you have a pet you have to include the cost of their care in the cost of your holiday. Your friend agreed to feed your cat, which was kind. But if you want more than that, you have to pay. You know how much a catsitter is and it’s not £50! No wonder she was insulted.

If this isn’t a joke or a reverse, the most baffling thing is that you can’t work out what a mahousive ask this is! And beyond weird that you didn’t think about this before booking a holiday.

LOL the OP won't be doing this! She's convinced she is 100% in the right, and her friend is rude and ungrateful for not accepting this amazing and generous OFFER! 😂

Sorry OP but this is a massive imposition. My sister used to ask me to do this and it was such a pain in the arse - people just want to stay in their own home.

Tbh I think she was nice to offer to come and feed your cat every day, could you not ask a neighbour to come in a couple of times a day to feed and spend a bit of time?

My neighbours and I don’t speak

A fair trade? You’re insane!!

No way would I stay in someone else’s house for 10 days of the year. I couldn’t give a monkeys if it saved me in energy costs.

The thought of sleeping in someone else’s bed for 10 days makes me want to heave. No way would I do this.

I wonder why

Were you a mega cheeky fucker to them too?

If your pet is too fussy for a Cattery then you should’ve considered that before booking a holiday! Your pet is not her problem.

You sound really entitled and very tit for tat tbh
i wfh, sometimes I need to help family out for a day or 2 over nights and it’s a BIG ask.
they also insist they pay me because they appreciate the upheaval (also amenities and food/drink)
you’re upset because you feel you’ve ‘banked’ enough favours and don’t want to pay for a professional.
if you were my friend, I’d be rethinking our ‘friendship’
your poor planning isn’t anybody else’s issue but yours

This doesn't surprise me, you sound like you're a bit of a nightmare