To be so fed up of my dh noise cancelling headphones

[Allthedays1]

He has them in alot. He will come home from work, chat for 15 minutes if that then block everyone out and watch YouTube with them in. I will be in the shower and the youngest will come and get me if she wants something even if he's in the room with her. It's doing my head in. I get he talks all day at work but we still exist. At the weekend I watch no TV unless kids are in bed or watch with them. He just sits with the headphones in for hours watching on his tablet
Today our child had a problem at school. Dh had his hoodie up in the kitchen, I started talking to him about it and then son says "mum he can't hear you he's got his headphones in". I'm going to work in a bit so it's not like I can tell him later. Please tell me I'm not the only one with a dh like this

An abuser then? Nice..👌

Well him having headphones on the time annoyed me.

Maybe he should just have made himself more physically and emotionally present and then he wouldn't be an ex.

My DH is similar but with his heading aids, they are Bluetooth connected so I thought he just couldn’t hear me very well, turns out he was listening to the football and analysis through his phone but I had no idea for weeks. I assumed his hearing was declining again and had to repeat myself about five times, telling him he should get them
adjusted at the hospital 🙄

He's behaving like a teenager, my 17 year old does this and I don't mind but I would mind if my husband was doing it as he is a parent and needs to be able to hear his surroundings

Im sure you are both much happier as a result. I couldn’t indulge in that level of tit-for-tat but everyone’s different

Thanks, I am much happier.

He does participate in those discussions, because the OP says he pauses what he's listening to and takes the headphones out when someone wants to talk to him.

If he was present regularly OP would not have posted.

I've got 3 like that (DH and 2 teenage DDs). Trying to get anyone's attention in my house is practically impossible.

TBF DH doesn't do it ALL the time, just when he's on his computer/ gaming or doing DIY around the house but that is often enough to annoy the shit out of me.

Saying that DH isn't much better when he doesn't have headphones on. If he's focused on something (like scrolling on his phone or watching TV) he manages to completely block everything else out (I suspect he has undiagnosed ASD so this may be a symptom of that). Me and the DC could be having a full blown conversation about something 2 feet away from him and he will take nothing in whatsoever and then bring up that exact topic of conversation 10 minutes later (e.g. the other day me and the DC were having a lengthy discussion about Trump's latest Truth Social post and attack on the Pope. DH was sat next to me on the sofa scrolling on his phone the whole time (no headphones). 10 minutes after we finished that discussion DH lifts his head up and says "Have you seen Trump's latest shenanigans?" 🤦🏻‍♀️😡).

It's bloody infuriating 😡😡😡

I feel your pain OP. My husband sits at his computer with them on and retreats into his own little world. I am forever stomping up and down stairs whenever I need to talk to him and I have to repeat everything at least twice. I feel as if I'm married to Kevin the teenager rather than a 78 year old man!

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I wonder what the other side to some of these comments would be.

As in maybe their headphone use isn’t always because they are ignorant.

@Allthedays1 OP.

He’s signaling to the kids that they don’t matter and that he’s not interested in them. Way to crush any self esteem… (same to you, obviously too, OP).

It’s got to reduce!

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It’s fairly self explanatory

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He is essentially blocking his family out! Outrageous behaviour!

Is he keeping them in when he's home with his daughter and you're at work? I'd be worried about him not hearing her if she calls out or hurts herself.
Not to mention the fact he thinks he's found a clever way to opt out of family life and responsibility.

Do you generally struggle with comprehension?

Or in fact posting anything other the question marks? You know you can ask questions…

Waits for poster to reply with question marks in ‘hilarious’ fashion

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I sometimes like to use a pair of headphones when I am doing chores, cooking, or gardening, but it is not all the time and I have the type that immediately pause when you take them off. I like podcasts and find them an enjoyable way of consuming news or current affairs. But I agree that we all have to be conscious that we are cutting something out and actually losing something by retreating into a little world of our own.

I wonder if there is something about the value of 'companionship' that we only understand when it is gone?

Being 'a companion' used to be an actual job for unemployed ladies in the nineteenth century, often for wealthy widows whose health or eyesight were failing, or who simply had no family around. This job involved reading aloud, being a chaperone when they went out but also simply 'being there to talk to'. Yet now we prioritise individual media consumption over 'being there' for the people we most love...

Food for thought.

Dinner, cooking, when we’re watching TV together... We both work from home too so plenty of chances through the day.

My ex used to do this. Constantly. It got really bad at one point as my youngest used to have breathing problems and regularly needed to be taken to A&E - it was me who had to listen out for his coughing and detect if anything was awry. Mine was selfish all round.