To be so fed up of my dh noise cancelling headphones

[Allthedays1]

He has them in alot. He will come home from work, chat for 15 minutes if that then block everyone out and watch YouTube with them in. I will be in the shower and the youngest will come and get me if she wants something even if he's in the room with her. It's doing my head in. I get he talks all day at work but we still exist. At the weekend I watch no TV unless kids are in bed or watch with them. He just sits with the headphones in for hours watching on his tablet
Today our child had a problem at school. Dh had his hoodie up in the kitchen, I started talking to him about it and then son says "mum he can't hear you he's got his headphones in". I'm going to work in a bit so it's not like I can tell him later. Please tell me I'm not the only one with a dh like this

Ex DP used to do this, I made it a habit or ringing him whenever I had anything small or large to say so it automatically connected to his headphones and he had to answer as otherwise I'd know he was being purposefully ignorant.

Well for a start if you're in a house with kdis, you can't hear if one of them hurts themselves or needs help and calls you. It makes your partner the constant default parent. What happens when you're home alone with the kids?

Wth, we all need some mental space and peace but you can't check out completely in front of family like that! He making himself a ghost haunting the house without being an active member of the family. It's the height of rudeness.

My dh has hearing aids. They Bluetooth to his phone so when he watches anything online (as we all do) he can’t hear anyone else. Even that drives me nuts

Love this, defo sabotage each pair so they never work. And change the WiFi password. Problem solved.

' take those out please, it's not fair on me and kids. You're not trying to block people in a house share'

Get a water pistol each for you and the kids. Squirt him fir attention.

So OP can’t take a shower if you both need to constantly be able to hear the kids?

Surely it’s ok for each parent to have a bit of time to themselves.

As OP said, it’s usually whilst he’s cooking and cleaning and so during that time I don’t see anything wrong with it because OP would technically be the default parent if he’s busy.

Same as when OP is in the shower or cooking etc, unless they’re teenagers then he should be the default parent and the one listening out.

If OP said he did this regularly then fair enough but to generally do it when he’s cooking and cleaning is fine IMO.
Just like it’s fine for OP to say she’s going to go and read her book for a bit in a different room.

It sounds like OP wants to have a constant conversation and there needs to be a compromise because not everyone wants to talk all of the time, especially when they’ve been talking at work all day.

Yeah sorry if I've not been clear it is when he's washing up etc, but also when he's eating dinner, or just sat on the sofa. It's like after a few minutes he gets bored so gets his tablet and head phones out. I work nights so and when he gets up with our daughter when I get up at 11 he is sat there with the tablet/headphones. Then he is the default parent but blocked everything out. I don't mean to drip feed but when I posted i was getting ready for work. I need to have a chat with him. And I really don't talk loads, it anything I'm the opposite. When I'm in the shower my daughter (who's primary school) will come up and come in to ask me something and she hasn't asked him even tho he's in the room with her. I don't know why she doesn't ask him but I imagine it's the complete lack of response

Hope you get the drift with all the typos. Trying to type on my break

Ridiculous behaviour he’s not a benefit to the family at all he might as well not be there at all he’s not present helping or supporting his family. Tell him if he doesn’t want to be there with you all then leave.

Yes that is rude if he’s doing it regularly like that.

It sounds as though he’s addicted with his phone/tablet, which actually a lot of parents are.

A PP has a similar issue but it sounds as though her DH is completely checking out of the relationship, whereas your DH sounds more addiction to his screens.

I have definitely become more aware of my phone use and I make a conscious effort to not be on it too much (difficult at the moment as I’m on bed rest for a few days).
But unless I’m cooking/cleaning and have my headphones in, I will put my phone down or completely away and not go on it much whilst I’m around my DCs.

I don’t want my DCs memories of me being my head stuck in my phone all day and the thought of it shocked me into changing my ways.

Perhaps say to DH about how sad it is that so many parents are constantly on their phones/tablets and how you’re going to make an effort to be present and that he should try doing the same.

Its difficult because you can’t tell a grown adult not to use his phone but you can have a conversation about him spending more time with his kids (he may not listen).

Having your headphones on whilst doing chores or when someone is watching something on TV etc is fine.
Completely checking out of family life is not fine.

On the plus side, you can let rip and call him anything you want to 😀

He needs to get the damn headphones out and start joining in family life not opting out when it suits him

I would sit him down and say you’re blocking us out of your life. There’s no point your living here if you are shut off from your kids nearly all the time, it’s teaching them people who love them can just ignore them 90% of the time and that’s ok, I think this harms them. I also feel I can’t talk to you- I need to book time, which means we have none of the casual husband wife chat a couple who live in the same house have, i feel like your happier with a wall between us. When the dc are in the room with you they leave the room to come find me. If they cut themselves badly or fell and screamed in another room you wouldn’t know. I don’t know if we can live like this.

Not what I'm saying at all. She described completely unreasonable and immature behaviour. If you recognise yourself in it perhaps think about how 99% of responders here view it rather than put words in my mouth 👋

Mine too.
Even when cooking.
its bloody rude and he’s sacking off all responsibility.

At least my kids say ‘I’ll have my headphones on so might not hear you’.

Yes most dads are like this. The "active, involved" ones you see are very much in the minority, and are usually boring and ugly

If you guys are watching something different than what he wants to watch on TV then occasionally fair enough, but no way I’d be okay with him having headphones on at the table.

Wow. What a vile comment, I know plenty of involved dads who are lovely funny guys and often rather good looking.

My ex did this, it was one of the things that made me realise that he didn't actually care about me or our relationship. I felt so ignored, invisible really. Until bedtime of course, and then he wanted sex. Ugh.

This.

Tell him to take them out and tell him how you feel. You have a man child who has found a way to opt out of your family life and responsibility.

Such a weird, untrue comment. Sorry you’ve been so unlucky, I guess, as I can only assume you’re basing this on your own experience!

What's your sex life like? @Allthedays1 does he keep his headphones in then. Do you gave sex?

No mine behaves like he has but his hearing has been tested and is fine.
He isn’t will fully doing it, he just zones out.

Get the kids to tap his hand.

😂 oh i did laugh at this. It's not true obviously (sometimes it probably is) but it IS funny